Season 1
Episode 2: The Name That Begins to Stay
Since that night, I’ve made a decision. I won’t say his name in my prayers. Not because I don’t remember him. It’s because I remember him too much.
Zayyen Al Abbas.
Two words that should’ve been simple. The name of a classmate. A college student who happened to sit beside me because there was only one seat left.
A guy who lent me his notes when I was late to class. Someone who, on a rainy day, chose to walk beside me with an umbrella without ever making our conversation feel like something that needed a name.
It was that simple.
At least, it should’ve been.
But ever since the night I prayed for Allah to guard my heart, that name seemed to appear in my thoughts more and more often. I’d even started to notice something that annoyed me a little about myself.
I was starting to memorize his habits. Zayyen always arrived a few minutes before the professor.
He usually chose a seat along the side rather than in the middle.
He took neat notes, but often marked the parts he thought were important with a small symbol. And whenever the professor asked something, he didn’t raise his hand right away.
He thought first. Only then did he answer.
I didn’t know when I’d started noticing all of that. And I didn’t like realizing it. Because the more I noticed, the harder it became to tell myself that everything was completely ordinary.
“Han.”
I jumped. Zila stood in front of me with two drinks in her hands. “Were you listening to me?”
“I was.”
“I’ve been talking this whole time.”
“Sorry.”
Zila sat down in the cafeteria. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
She handed me one of the drinks. “When you say nothing’s wrong, that usually means something’s definitely wrong.”
I let out a small laugh. “You read people too much.”
“And you’re way too easy to read,” Zila said.
I shook my head.
Zila opened her laptop. “Who did you go home with yesterday?”
I immediately fell silent.
She looked at me. “Don’t tell me you forgot.”
“I went home alone.”
“Whose umbrella were you carrying?”
I sighed. “Zayyen just lent me his umbrella.”
“Just?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why is your face red?”
“It’s hot.”
Zila glanced at the air conditioner above us. “In an air-conditioned cafeteria?”
I held back a laugh. “Zilaa.”
“Okay, okay.”
She raised both hands. “I won’t bother you.”
I opened my book again. A few seconds later, Zila said, “But one thing.”
“What?”
“If you really like him, don’t rush it.”
My hand stopped. Zila wasn’t smiling this time. “Sometimes something good gets ruined because we’re too eager to claim it.”
I looked at her. “You sound like an old lady.”
“Because I have experience.”
“What kind of experience?”
“Watching other people make mistakes.”
I laughed.
But her words stayed in my head. Don’t rush it.
Maybe that really was what I needed to do. Not every feeling had to become a relationship right away.
Not every bit of attention had to be returned. Not every closeness had to be given a name.
That day, I went to class ten minutes early.
On purpose. I wanted to prove something to myself. I could come to campus without thinking about Zayyen.
I sat in my seat. Opened my laptop. Read the material. Five minutes later, someone sat down beside me.
I didn’t need to look to know who it was.
“Morning.”
I turned. Zayyen.
“Morning.”
He set his book on the desk. “Did my notes help yesterday?”
I nodded. “A lot. Thanks.”
“No problem.”
I opened the assignment file.
“I sent the part from yesterday already.” Zayyen glanced at his laptop.
“Already?” “That was fast.” “Nothing special.”
I smiled faintly. Then we fell silent again. Strangely, being quiet beside him didn’t feel awkward. It wasn’t like with some people, who made silence feel like an obligation to find something to talk about. With Zayyen, silence felt like something that was simply allowed to happen.
The professor came in. Class began. I tried to focus.
But about twenty minutes later, I noticed something at the corner of my desk.
A small piece of paper. I glanced at Zayyen. He was writing.
I opened the note. It said: The section on page 47 will probably be on the quiz. Don’t forget to read it.
I looked at my book. I really hadn’t read page 47 yet. I glanced at him again.
“Thanks.”
Zayyen only nodded.
There was no exaggerated smile. No deliberate gaze. No attempt to make me feel noticed.
He was just helping me. And maybe that was exactly why such a small kindness felt more meaningful.
That afternoon, the professor assigned us to groups for a project. I ended up in a different group from Zayyen. I should’ve felt relieved.
But when the group names were called, for some reason, I felt a small disappointment I couldn’t explain. I immediately scolded myself.
Hana, what’s wrong with you?
I gathered my books. As I was about to leave, Zayyen came over.
“Do you have your group yet?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.” He paused for a moment. “If you need references later, I have a few.”
I nodded. “I’ll let you know.”
He gave me a faint smile. “Okay.”
I walked out of the classroom. Nothing happened. There was no grand scene. No romantic words. But all the way to the library, I kept thinking about that small smile.
And I began to understand that Zayyen wasn’t the problem.
The problem was my own heart. A heart that was starting to notice something that might not be meant for it.
That night, I opened the Quran after prayer. I read a few verses slowly. Usually, my thoughts became calmer after reading. That night, they didn’t settle right away. I was still thinking about the day.
About the small piece of paper. About the brief conversation. About the smile.
I closed the Quran. Then I prayed. “Ya Allah…”
I stopped. A name had almost slipped out. I lowered my head. I decided not to say it.
“If these feelings will only draw me away from You, please calm my heart.”
I took a breath. “If he isn’t part of my destiny, teach me not to force something that isn’t mine.”
I stayed silent for a long time. Then I continued,
“But if one day You allow his name to become part of my life…”
I couldn’t finish the sentence. I gave myself a small smile.
“Let everything happen in a way that pleases You.”
When I finished praying, I felt lighter. I picked up my phone. There was one new message. From Zayyen. I stared at his name for a while before opening it.
Zayyen: Assalamu’alaikum. Sorry to bother you so late.
I replied.
Hana: Wa’alaikumussalam. It’s okay.
Another message came in. Zayyen: I saw you carrying a different book earlier. Is that the book the professor wants us to use for next week’s assignment?
I looked at the book beside me. Hana: Yeah.
Zayyen: Then bring it tomorrow. I have a reference that might help.
I smiled. Hana: Okay. Thanks.
A few seconds passed. Then the last message came in.
Zayyen: You’re welcome. Don’t stay up too late. We have an early class tomorrow.
I stared at the screen. The words were simple. Very simple. But for some reason, I read them more than once. I set my phone down. Then picked it up again. Read the message one more time.
I almost smiled. Then I realized it.
I was starting to like the little bits of attention he gave me.
And that scared me.
Not because there was anything wrong with his attention. But because I knew the human heart could grow accustomed to something before realizing it was becoming attached.
I turned off my phone screen. I lay down. But before I fell asleep, a question appeared in my mind.
If I kept trying to maintain my distance, did that mean I was protecting my heart?
Or…
was I actually afraid to find out where these feelings would take me?
I didn’t have an answer yet. All I knew was that I would see Zayyen again tomorrow.
And for the first time, I hoped tomorrow would come a little sooner.
I immediately regretted it. Because maybe that was how feelings began to grow.
Not with a confession. Not with a promise. Not with the words I love you. But through little things we didn’t think were important at first.
Until one day, we realized there was a name beginning to stay inside our prayers, even though we still hadn’t dared to say it.
And that night, without realizing it, I fell asleep thinking about one thing:
What would happen tomorrow if Zayyen started seeing me as more than just a classmate?
The question made me smile. But I didn’t know yet… the answer would come sooner than I expected.
— TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE 3 —