Even though Claire had tried to build an impenetrable defensive wall, Aru was not someone she could easily drive out of her life. To Aru, Claire was still Claire—his best friend since childhood, always in the same place no matter how far he wandered.
Aru had no idea that every old habit of his had now become an invisible blade in Claire's heart.
"Claire, my mom made your favorite chocolate steamed brownies," Aru said that morning, setting a clear plastic lunch container right on Claire's desk while the classroom was still empty.
Claire, who was arranging her Sociology textbooks, looked up. Aru stood there with an innocent, carefree smile, wearing a spotless white uniform scented with the detergent fragrance she knew so well.
"Thanks, Aru. But you should've brought these for Claudia instead," Claire replied softly, doing her best to keep her voice flat.
"Claudia doesn't like sweets, Claire. She's on a sugar-free diet," Aru said casually as he pulled out the chair across from Claire's desk and sat down, propping his chin on his hand.
"Besides, Mom made these especially for you. She said you've been looking thinner lately."
Claire stared at the box of brownies. She was always grateful for the warmth of Aru's family, but at the same time, his constant attention was throwing the whole moving-on process she'd planned into chaos. Aru treated her exactly as he always had, as if nothing had changed, unaware that a bleeding heart lay inside Claire's chest.
"Tell your aunt thanks for me, okay?" Claire finally said, slipping the container into her bag.
"You're welcome. Oh, and I need to ask you for a favor after school. Is that okay?" Aru looked at Claire with hopeful eyes.
Claire froze for a moment. "What favor?"
"Help me pick out a birthday gift for Claudia next week," Aru answered eagerly. He leaned closer and whispered as if he were revealing a state secret.
"I'm seriously confused, Claire. What kind of gift does a girl like Claudia even like? I'm afraid I'll buy the wrong thing. But you know, girls usually have similar tastes, right?"
Similar? Claire thought bitterly. Claudia and I couldn't be more different, Aru.
Helping the man she loved choose a gift for another woman was a kind of quiet torture Claire had never imagined. But when she saw the innocent brightness in Aru's eyes, she realized that refusing for emotional reasons would only make him suspicious.
"I'll go with you to look at the stores in the mall near school," Claire said, giving in. It was the most rational answer she could offer, even though her chest felt tight.
"Really? That's more like it! You really are my best friend!" Aru cheered happily, impulsively brushing his hand over the crown of Claire's head.
That brief touch in her hair made Claire's entire body go rigid. Her heart pounded anxiously against her ribs. Before Aru noticed the change in her expression, Claire gently pushed his hand away.
"Don't mess up my hair, Aru. I just fixed it," Claire said firmly, adjusting her glasses.
Aru chuckled without a hint of guilt. "Okay, okay. Sorry, Madam Secretary."
That afternoon, they walked along the shops inside the mall. Aru walked on the outside—a reflexive habit he'd had since childhood to protect Claire from passing crowds—while he busily examined the storefronts.
"What about this perfume?" Aru asked, pointing to a beautiful crystal-shaped glass bottle in the beauty store's display window.
Claire stepped closer and read the brand name and fragrance description. "Does Claudia like sweet florals or something fresh?"
Aru furrowed his brow and scratched his perfectly unitchy head. "Ugh... I haven't really paid attention to her perfume. As long as it smells feminine, I guess."
Claire let out a short sigh, though a faint smile formed on her lips despite herself. Aru's cluelessness when it came to women was always both ridiculous and adorable.
"Claudia is elegant and popular. She'd be better suited to a soft rose or vanilla scent," Claire explained patiently, picking up a tester and spraying it onto a test strip. She inhaled briefly, then held it under Aru's nose. "Try this one."
Aru leaned his face toward Claire's hand. It wasn't the test strip that caught his attention first, but how suddenly close they were. From this distance, Aru could see Claire's long lashes behind her glasses and the soft scent of the chamomile shampoo his childhood friend had always used.
Aru was momentarily stunned as he slowly breathed in the fragrance on the strip. "Hmm... yeah, this smells really good. But for some reason, it feels different."
"Different how?" Claire asked, confused.
"Just different. I like the scent you usually wear better," Aru said honestly and without a second thought, completely unaware of the destructive effect his casual words had on Claire's feelings.
"It's more calming. It doesn't make my head spin."
Claire quickly pulled her hand back, hiding her suddenly trembling fingers in her jacket pocket. It was small attentions like this that made Claire hate Aru—and hate herself for being unable to stop hoping. Aru gave her hope without ever intending to make it his.
"Let's just get this one for Claudia. The packaging is nice too," Claire cut in quickly, redirecting the conversation before the tightness in her chest grew worse.
"Okay. If you say it's good, I'll go with it," Aru replied decisively, heading straight to the register to pay.
After leaving the perfume store, they sat on one of the benches in the open garden on the mall's ground floor. Aru rested his shopping bag on his lap, looking satisfied.
"Thanks so much, Claire. If you hadn't been here, I probably would've just bought her a basketball bracelet," Aru said with a laugh.
"You're welcome. Claudia will love it," Claire replied softly, gazing at the crowd of mall shoppers from her seat.
Aru turned to look at Claire's profile, illuminated by the lights from the stores. A comfortable silence settled between them for a few moments—the kind of silence shared only by two people who had known each other for almost their entire lives.
"Claire," Aru called softly.
"What?"
"Thanks for still being the place I can come home to," Aru said sincerely, his voice warm and deep.
"Ever since I started dating Claudia, a lot of things have changed. But whenever I'm with you, I feel like I'm still the same old Aru. You've never changed."
Claire looked into Aru's brown eyes. To someone else, those words might have sounded like a sweet compliment, but to Claire, they were a prison sentence. Aru wanted her never to change—wanted her to remain the safe friend he could rely on, while Claire's heart kept breaking from holding on to unrequited love.
"I'll always be your friend, Aru," Claire whispered, delivering the biggest lie of her life with the most sincere smile she could manage.
Aru briefly put an arm around Claire's shoulders and patted her with brotherly affection before getting to his feet. "Let's go home. Your Mom will come looking for you if you stay out too late."
Claire followed behind Aru. Watching the broad back of the boy amid the glow of the mall lights, Claire finally understood her bitter fate: as long as Aru considered everything to be "as usual," Claire would remain forever trapped as the place he leaned on but never chose to make his own.
To be continued...