Night had deepened when a soft knock sounded against the door of the master bedroom. Hadi stepped inside very carefully, as if every wooden floorboard beneath his feet might crack at any moment. On the bed, Raina sat propped against a pile of pillows. In her lap lay a small, worn notebook that she had been staring at for some time without any intention of writing in it.
Hadi drew a quiet breath, then sat on the edge of the chair beside the bed. His face showed exhaustion, but his eyes held onto the faint hope he was still guarding so tightly. "Raina..." Hadi called softly, breaking the thick silence of the room. "The doctor estimates there are only two weeks left. I... I've been thinking about a name for our baby."
Raina didn't turn. Her gaze remained fixed on her own fingers, laced together over the blanket. Her silence was no longer an explosion of anger, but an invisible distance she had deliberately placed between them. "Whatever," Raina replied coldly and briefly.
The two words came out so flatly, as if she had surrendered every worldly matter to whatever fate awaited them. Hadi swallowed bitterly at such an empty response, but he still tried to continue. His hand reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a small slip of paper.
"I looked up the meanings of some good names," Hadi said, his voice trembling softly. "What about... Fathan Ali? Fathan means opening, victory. I want him to grow into a wise boy, someone who brings goodness..."
Raina remained silent for quite a while. The name Fathan echoed in her mind. Inside her large belly, she felt a gentle movement as the baby slowly kicked against the wall of her womb. Raina took a long breath, then finally turned her gaze slightly toward Hadi.
"Izhan," Raina said quietly, yet with firm conviction in the middle of the silent night. "Add Izhan in the middle."
Hadi looked up, his eyes brightening slightly when he realized Raina was willing to respond and offer a suggestion. "Izhan? Fathan Izhan Ali?"
"Yes," Raina whispered, then turned her gaze back toward the dark bedroom window. "Izhan... someone obedient and dutiful. Let him grow up to be a child who submits to goodness, not one controlled by desire and selfishness."
Her last sentence came without a raised voice, but its meaning struck Hadi straight in the gut. Hadi went rigidly silent, crumpling the paper in his hand as he bowed his head deeply.
"All right..." Hadi whispered hoarsely, holding back the pain. "Fathan Izhan Ali. It's a beautiful name, Ina. Thank you." Raina didn't answer again. She closed the small notebook in her lap and slowly lay down on her side, turning her back to him.
Silence crept through the room once more, leaving only the heavy sound of Hadi's breathing and the ticking of the wall clock. Hadi stared at Raina's back, turned away from him. Though they were only an arm's length apart, the chasm between them felt miles wide.
The man drew a long breath, gathering the last of his courage. Guilt continued to press against his chest, making him want to atone, even a little, for his role as a husband and soon-to-be father.
"Ina..." Hadi called carefully, almost in a whisper. "This weekend... you have your obstetrician appointment, right? Would it be okay... would it be okay if I came with you to check on our baby?" Hadi looked hopefully toward his wife's stiff shoulder beneath the blanket.
Raina didn't answer right away. Her body didn't move at all. But beneath that silence, Raina's thoughts drifted to the routine appointment that Auntie Nyai always marked on the dining-room calendar. She knew perfectly well that this weekend wasn't only the day for her prenatal checkup. Since their pregnancies had progressed alongside each other, Ayu's appointment fell on the same day too. Without turning her body or even glancing toward Hadi, Raina's voice sounded cold and flat as it cut through the night's silence. "Just take her," Raina said shortly, with no tremor of explosive emotion. "Auntie Nyai and I will go."
There was no apology or softened refusal in her words. The decision was absolute and firm, leaving no room for compromise. Raina didn't want any pretense in the examination room. She didn't want to watch Hadi divide his anxious looks or guilt between two women carrying his flesh and blood under the same hospital roof.
Hadi caught his breath. His throat felt blocked, as if the air in the room had suddenly dried up. Raina's words weren't harsh, but that cold resignation and independence tormented him most of all. He knew this refusal was a thick wall Raina had deliberately built so she would never again have to depend on the man who had destroyed her trust.
"Ina, but I want to be there for you and Fathan...." Hadi tried to persuade her, his voice hoarse as he held back the pain. "Enough, Mas," Raina interrupted softly, pulling the blanket higher until it reached her shoulders. "Turn off the light if you're going out. I want to rest."
Hadi stood frozen. With his shoulders sagging and shame dragging him deeper under, he slowly rose from the chair. He turned off the bedroom's main light, leaving only the dim glow of the bedside lamp in the corner. The bedroom door closed slowly, leaving Raina to finally shut her eyes in the darkness while both hands remained quietly wrapped around her belly.