“Today Feels Heavy, Doesn’t It?”
10:18 p.m. Western Indonesian Time. Luna had just finished showering. She sat on the edge of the bed, drying her hair with a towel. The day had felt longer than usual. There was work she still hadn’t finished. There were family messages she hadn’t had time to reply to. There were several things that had been circling through her mind since noon. Luna picked up her phone. She opened a few apps. Then she stopped at an icon she hadn’t even thought about a few days ago. RandomChat. Her finger hovered over the screen. She didn’t know why she wanted to open it that night. Maybe it was just a coincidence. Maybe because she was bored. Or maybe because, without realizing it... she was looking for the conversation that had made her feel a little lighter over the past two nights. Luna opened the app. A few seconds later, a notification appeared. Lana: You’re on? Luna smiled. She hadn’t expected Lana to contact her first. Luna: Yeah. Lana: I thought you weren’t online. Luna: Just opened it. Lana: How was today? Luna stared at the question. The same question. But tonight, it felt different. She typed: Luna: Heavy. Lana replied right away. Lana: Why? Luna sighed. Her fingers moved slowly. Luna: I don’t know. Lana: You don’t know why it feels heavy? Luna: Yeah. Lana: Or you actually do know, but you’re confused about where to start? Luna fell silent. Her smile slowly faded. She read the message again. Or you actually do know, but you’re confused about where to start? Exactly. Too exactly. Luna: How did you know? Lana: Because I’m like that a lot too. Luna leaned back against the wall. For a while, she only stared at the screen. Then she typed: Luna: There’s just so much to think about today. Lana: Work? Luna: One of them. Lana: Family? Luna fell silent again. Luna: Yeah. Lana: Money? Luna drew a breath. Luna: That too. Lana didn’t reply right away. As if she was giving Luna space. A few seconds later: Lana: Tired, huh? Luna smiled faintly. Luna: Yeah. Then Lana sent one more message. Lana: Today feels heavy, doesn’t it? Luna read the sentence. For some reason... her eyes began to well up. Not because the sentence was particularly special. Just three simple words. But maybe it had been too long since anyone had really asked her something like that. Not, “Are you done?” Not, “Can you help with this?” Not, “Don’t forget tomorrow.” But: “Today feels heavy, doesn’t it?” As if someone had finally seen that behind everything she did... there was a person who could feel tired too. Luna: Yeah. Lana: If you want to talk, then talk. Luna: I’m afraid I’ll bother you. Lana: You’ve been saying that since yesterday. Luna: Hehe. Lana: We don’t owe each other anything. Talk if it’ll make you feel a little better. Luna smiled. She didn’t know why she found it easier to be honest with someone she had never even met. Maybe because Lana didn’t know her family. Didn’t know about her work. Didn’t know Luna’s life in the real world. Wouldn’t meet her tomorrow morning. Wouldn’t see her face when she was crying. And maybe... because there was nothing to lose.
Luna began to talk. Not about everything. Little by little. About how she often felt she had to help so many people. About the things she kept putting off for herself. About how her money sometimes ran out before she could even use it on herself. About how she often said, “It’s okay,” even though there were so many things she wanted to complain about. Lana read everything. She didn’t rush to give advice. She didn’t say: “You have to do this.” “You have to do that.” She just listened. Every now and then, she replied: Lana: I get it. Luna: How do you get it? Lana: Because it turns out we’re alike. Luna smiled. Luna: Even though our lives are different. Lana: The problems can be different. The way they feel might be the same. Luna stopped typing. She read the sentence again. The problems can be different. The way they feel might be the same. Maybe it was true. Someone didn’t have to go through the same thing to understand someone else’s exhaustion. Sometimes it was enough to have felt the same loneliness.
Luna then asked: Luna: How about you? How was your day? Lana replied: Lana: Normal. Luna immediately laughed. Luna: There you go, lying again. Lana: LOL. Luna: I thought you wanted to be honest. Lana: Okay, okay. A little while later: Lana: I’m tired today too. Luna: Why? Lana began to talk. About the work piling up. About her family. About the household expenses. About what it felt like to be the eldest child, always feeling like she had to be someone everyone could rely on. Luna read everything. Some parts made her sad. Not because Lana’s story was exactly the same as hers. But because it turned out... the man who had seemed so laid-back from the way he texted was carrying so much. Luna: Have you ever told anyone else? Lana replied: Lana: No. Luna: Why? Lana: I’m not used to it. Luna: Afraid they’ll think you’re weak? Lana was silent for quite a while. Then: Lana: Maybe. Luna stared at the screen. She typed slowly. Luna: Lana. Lana: Hmm? Luna: You know what? Lana: What? Luna: Being tired doesn’t mean you’re weak. Lana read it. Luna continued. Luna: Crying doesn’t mean you’re weak either. Luna: Asking for help doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Luna: You’re human. It’s normal if one day you can’t hold it together. Lana didn’t reply right away. Luna waited. One minute. Two minutes. Then a message appeared. Lana: Do you often say things like this to yourself? Luna fell silent. She knew the answer. No. She often said those things to other people. But to herself... no. Luna: Not necessarily. Lana: There you go. Luna: What? Lana: Then you also have to learn to believe your own words. Luna smiled. Luna: Turning it back on me, huh? Lana: To keep things fair. Luna let out a small laugh. For the first time that night, her chest felt a little lighter.
12:41 a.m. Western Indonesian Time. The conversation was still going. But as time passed, they began to realize they had to stop. Work would be waiting for them again tomorrow. Luna yawned. Luna: We should sleep. Lana: Yeah. Luna: Don’t stay up late. Lana: You too. Luna then typed: Luna: Thanks. Lana: You’re welcome. Luna: I feel better today. Lana smiled as she read the message. Lana: I’m glad. Then Luna added: Luna: I hope tomorrow feels lighter. Lana replied: Lana: Ameen. The conversation ended. Luna turned off the screen. She set her phone beside her pillow. Her eyes closed. That night, her problems didn’t disappear. Her money didn’t suddenly increase. Her work didn’t become easier. Her family still had needs. But something had changed. Luna no longer felt she had to carry everything alone that night. Somewhere else, Lana was lying down too. For the first time in a long while, she didn’t mind if someone asked: “Are you tired?” In fact... she was beginning to hope that someday someone would ask her again. Not because they needed something from her. Not because they wanted to ask for help. But simply because they genuinely wanted to know: how she was doing. And without realizing it... that simple conversation began to leave behind a new habit. Whenever night came... they began looking for each other. Not because of love. Not yet. Only because... in the middle of a world that was too noisy, they had found a small space where they could be themselves. And that small space was slowly beginning to feel comfortable. Too comfortable. —To Be Continued—