I stared at the three people on the monitor for a while, and the longer I looked, the more something felt off.
It wasn't the kind of awkwardness you could spot at a glance.
If someone who knew absolutely nothing about NOVER were sitting here today, they would probably just think the three of them had a great relationship. They laughed when they were supposed to laugh, messed around when they were supposed to mess around, occasionally traded a few jabs, and looked completely natural overall.
But that was the problem—
I wasn't someone who knew absolutely nothing about them. I used to be an EVER.
And not the kind of casual fan who only listened to the title tracks and watched the occasional performance, either. I was the kind of person who had watched even their early post-debut livestreams with video quality so blurry they looked like security-camera footage.
How could I not notice?
Bai Shijun and Li Zhihao were seriously acting weird today. Liu Junxia and Bai Shijun were the same as always, with one provoking the other and the other chasing him around to beat him up.
Li Zhihao still laughed and responded to whatever was said.
But every time Bai Shijun moved closer to him, he either lowered his head or happened to find something else to do.
It had been the same when they were putting up the tents just now.
Bai Shijun handed him a tent stake.
“Here.”
“Mm.”
Li Zhihao reached out to take it, but his gaze fell on the tent instead. Bai Shijun crouched down again to help hold down the other side.
“Should we pull this side a little tighter?”
“No need. I’ve got it.”
“I was just helping—”
“Really, it’s fine. Go help Junxia.”
His tone wasn't unpleasant. If anything, there was even a hint of a smile in it.
But still…
There was distance.
Holding the walkie-talkie, I slowly furrowed my brow.
They hadn't been like this before. An image from a long time ago surfaced in my mind without me even realizing it.
It must have been the year-end awards show during NOVER's first year after debut, when they won their first Rookie of the Year award.
I remembered it very clearly, because Bai Shijun hadn't appeared at the ceremony.
I was still in high school that year.
After getting home from school, I didn't even change out of my uniform. I tossed my backpack onto the bed and immediately ran to turn on the livestream.
“Mom! Don't call me for a while!”
Because today's livestream was important! It was the day NOVER might win Rookie of the Year.
I sat cross-legged on my bed, clutching my phone and staring at the awards ceremony.
NOVER had only debuted recently that year, and all three of them were still so green.
Bai Shijun was nineteen.
Li Zhihao was eighteen.
Liu Junxia was only seventeen.
But just a few days before the year-end awards ceremony, Bai Shijun got injured during practice. The doctor ordered him to rest, so he had no choice but to miss the event.
When the news came out, I was so upset I almost cried along with him. Especially because Bai Shijun had posted on the fan platform himself, saying, “I'm really sorry I can't go with you.”
My first reaction when I saw that was, Why are you apologizing to us?
But that was Bai Shijun.
He could be in excruciating pain, and the first thing he worried about was still whether he had left a hole in the group.
When the ceremony reached the Rookie of the Year award, I sat up ramrod straight, tense from head to toe.
The host opened the card.
“This year's Rookie Male Group Award goes to—NOVER!”
I sprang straight up from my bed.
“Aaaaaah!”
My mom's voice immediately rang out from the living room.
“Yin Zhixia, keep it down!”
“I can't! They won!”
On the screen, Li Zhihao and Liu Junxia were clearly stunned for a moment.
The next second, Liu Junxia covered his mouth with one hand, while Li Zhihao lowered his head in disbelief. By the time the two of them walked onto the stage together, their eyes were already red.
I had been laughing like a maniac, but when I saw them crying, my own nose started to sting.
“Don't cry…”
I said it to my phone screen, though I had no idea which one of them I was actually telling not to cry. I was about to cry myself.
Liu Junxia took the microphone first.
He was only seventeen then, and he hadn't yet developed his current smooth-talking way of speaking.
“First of all… thank you so much, EVER.”
His voice was already trembling on the very first sentence. A huge wave of screams rose from the audience. He lowered his head and smiled, then wiped at his eyes.
“And thank you to the staff, our company, our families, and our members for always helping us.”
By the end, he was genuinely crying.
Li Zhihao stood beside him and patted his back at first.
But when it was his turn to take the microphone, he wasn't doing much better.
“Thank you, everyone.” He drew in a breath. “The three of us have wanted to stand on this stage ever since we were trainees.”
He paused there, then looked toward the empty spot beside him.
In that moment, I knew exactly who he was thinking about.
He turned back toward the camera.
“Actually, today… there should be one more person standing here.”
The audience immediately began chanting Bai Shijun's name.
“Shijun couldn't come today because he was injured.”
Li Zhihao had been holding it in the entire time, but when he said that, the tears finally fell.
“I really wish he could be standing here with us right now.”
Liu Junxia nodded beside him. Li Zhihao looked into the camera and suddenly raised a hand to wave.
“Hyung, you're watching, right?”
I slapped a hand over my mouth.
Oh no. He couldn't say anything else. I was really going to cry.
“We got it.” He raised the trophy in his hand. “So you need to get better soon.”
Liu Junxia immediately leaned toward the microphone too.
“Hyung! We'll hold it for you for now! But next time, you have to come get it yourself.”
Li Zhihao laughed at him, and the two of them cried and laughed at the same time.
The EVERs in the audience were laughing and crying right along with them, while I sat at home with tears streaming down my face in every direction.
That night, the three of them went live together.
More precisely, after Li Zhihao and Liu Junxia returned to the dorm, they dragged Bai Shijun, who was supposed to be resting, into the livestream.
Bai Shijun was wearing loose clothes, and his foot was still immobilized.
The moment he appeared on-screen, the chat exploded.
“Hyung!” Liu Junxia shoved the trophy into his hands. “Here. It's yours.”
Bai Shijun's eyes visibly reddened when he took it.
“You guys today…”
He had barely begun speaking when Li Zhihao immediately pointed at him.
“Don't cry.”
“Who's crying?”
“Your eyes are red.”
“That's the lighting.”
Liu Junxia was laughing so hard beside them that he nearly toppled over.
“Sure, hyung. Is the lighting red?”
Embarrassed and irritated, Bai Shijun tried to hook an arm around his neck, but his foot couldn't move, so he could only stay seated where he was.
“Liu Junxia, get over here.”
“No.”
“Come here.”
“You can't catch me right now, hyung.”
The look on Bai Shijun's face in that instant was so spectacular that I burst out laughing.
Later, the three of them gave their acceptance speeches again, this time very seriously, during the livestream.
Thank you to the fans.
Thank you to their families.
Thank you to the staff.
Finally, Bai Shijun looked into the camera and said, “It's such a shame I couldn't stand onstage with them today.”
Li Zhihao sat beside him without saying anything, only reaching over to pat him on the shoulder.
Bai Shijun smiled.
“But I'll get better soon.”
Liu Junxia immediately cut in.
“Hyung, don't secretly practice again.”
“Hyung, didn't you try to stand up yesterday too?”
“I was just going to the bathroom.”
“You totally—”
“Liu Junxia.”
“Okay, I'll shut up.”
Leaning beside them, Li Zhihao suddenly said, “We can get it together next time.”
“Mm.” Bai Shijun nodded. “Together next time.”
Back then, I watched the three of them squeeze into that tiny livestream frame.
One smiled, one caused a ruckus, and one complained that they were annoying before quietly pulling the blanket back over Bai Shijun's legs.
I remembered typing in the fan group at the time: You three have to stay together forever, okay?
“Yin PD?”
I jolted back to the present.
In front of me was no longer my high school phone screen, but the campground as it existed now.
Minshu stood beside me, still holding the next part of the schedule.
“Why have you been spacing out?”
“Nothing.” I immediately lowered my head to look at the materials. “I was just thinking about the next part of the schedule.”
“Oh.”
She didn't question it.
But I couldn't help looking back toward the three of them.
Bai Shijun was crouched in front of his tent, working hard to hammer in the last tent stake.
Liu Junxia stood beside him, muttering nonstop.
“Hyung, it's crooked.”
“What's crooked?”
“All of it.”
“Your tent collapsed just now. You have no right to criticize me.”
“But mine is fine now.”
“That's because the staff secretly fixed it for you, right? I saw everything.”
“You're making that up.”
The two of them started arguing again. Li Zhihao sat beside his tent, drinking water.
When Liu Junxia was about to get caught, Li Zhihao even stuck out a foot to block Bai Shijun for a second, giving Liu Junxia the chance to get away.
“Li Zhihao!”
Bai Shijun turned around, and Li Zhihao smiled.
“Ha-ha, my foot just happened to be there.”
“Yeah, right.”
They looked completely normal again, and I couldn't help wondering if I really was overthinking things.
After all, I hadn't followed them for four years.
People changed. Relationships changed too.
Even if they had once been incredibly close, it was perfectly normal for the way they got along now to be different.
And besides…
I secretly bit my lip.
This wasn't about whether some fan filter had deceived me. I'd liked them for so long that the bond I'd seen between them couldn't possibly have all been fake.
It's just that I wasn't here to stan them now.
I was the PD.
No matter what had happened between the three of them in private, as long as it wasn't affecting the shoot, I had no standing to ask.
“Let's get ready for the next segment.” I picked up the walkie-talkie. “As soon as the tents are finished, go straight into the ingredient game.”
“Copy that.”
After putting up the tents, the three of them were already hungry, especially Liu Junxia.
The moment the cameras started rolling again, he stood in front of the table and began asking questions.
“So there's lunch, right?”
The staff didn't answer.
He looked toward the camera.
“There is, right?”
Still, no one responded.
Bai Shijun stood beside him with his arms crossed.
“The more you ask, the more I'm starting to think there isn't.”
“Impossible.”
Liu Junxia looked completely serious.
“We're here to travel, not survive in the wilderness.”
Li Zhihao slowly walked over to the table.
The next second, he stopped.
The table was covered with pots, frying pans, cutting boards, knives, a portable gas stove, and even a ladle.
He stared at it for three seconds.
Bai Shijun walked over beside him.
“What is it?”
Li Zhihao pointed at the table.
“What does it mean that you've prepared all this?”
The staff handed over the mission card, barely holding back their laughter.
Liu Junxia took it and read the words aloud. “Members must obtain the ingredients needed for today's lunch through games, then prepare lunch themselves.”
All three of them fell silent at the same time.
I nearly laughed out loud behind the monitor.
Li Zhihao raised his head.
“Prepare lunch ourselves?”
I nodded.
Liu Junxia immediately turned to him.
“We're doomed.”
Li Zhihao frowned.
“Why are you looking at me?”
“Hyung's cooking is already terrible in the kitchen. Now we're in the mountains…” Liu Junxia paused. “Isn't this even more dangerous? There are bathrooms here, right? There are, right! Right?”
“Hey.”
Li Zhihao raised a fist, and Liu Junxia immediately hid behind Bai Shijun.
“Shijun hyung, save me.”
Bai Shijun didn't even turn around.
“I refuse.”
“Hyung!”
“I want to eat a normal lunch too.”
“You two are being way too much.”
Li Zhihao laughed in exasperation.
I watched the three of them turn into a chaotic mess again from behind the camera.
“Get the first game ready,” I reminded the staff through the walkie-talkie.
The table was quickly cleared, and three pairs of headphones were placed in front of them.
Liu Junxia picked one up.
“I know this one.”
Bai Shijun put his on too.
“Guessing the words by reading lips?”
Li Zhihao put his headphones on properly.
The music started, and the three of them instantly couldn't hear a thing.
Bai Shijun went first.
The prompt was—
“Tonight, I want to sleep in the middle.”
After reading it, he turned confidently toward Li Zhihao and began exaggerating each movement of his mouth.
“To-night, I-want-to-sleep-in-the-mid-dle.”
Li Zhihao stared at him with a frown.
Bai Shijun tried again.
“To-night, I-want-to—”
Li Zhihao suddenly nodded, then turned to Liu Junxia and said, “Tonight, I want to eat ramen.”
Me: “…”
Bai Shijun watched his lips, and his entire face fell.
Liu Junxia's final answer was, “Tonight, we're eating cold noodles!”
It was spectacularly wrong.
The second question went even worse. Somehow, they got the third one right through sheer dumb luck, and in the end, they successfully answered three out of five.
The staff opened the seasoning station.
“You can choose three.”
The three of them immediately rushed over.
“Salt.” Bai Shijun picked first.
“Garlic.” Liu Junxia added one.
Li Zhihao spent a long time looking over the remaining items.
“This one.” He picked up a block of butter.
I stared at what they were holding. At least for now, everything was still reasonably normal.
Then the second game began.
The rules were even simpler: one person had to guess the answer while the other two acted it out.
The prompts were song titles. If they guessed ten correctly, they could choose two types of meat and one type of seafood.
Bai Shijun volunteered to be the guesser.
“I'm really good at this.”
Liu Junxia looked skeptical.
“You just couldn't even get ‘Tonight’ right and turned it into ‘eat cold noodles.’”
“That was Li Zhihao's problem.”
Li Zhihao stood beside him.
“Why is that my problem?”
“You got it wrong first.”
“Your mouth movements were too small.”
“My mouth is plenty big, okay?”
What was this ridiculously childish conversation? I almost couldn't hold back my laughter.
Once the game started, they were unexpectedly smooth.
First question.
Second question.
Third question. Three in a row.
The staff held up the cards faster and faster.
When they reached the tenth question, I only glanced at the card at first.
The next second—
My eyes lit up.
Jiang Minyu—“Let's Hold Hands”
Ah! It was Minyu's song!
I instinctively sat up straighter, the corners of my mouth lifting too.
Minshu noticed immediately.
“Zhixia.”
“Shh.”
I didn't take my eyes off the monitor, wanting to see how the two of them would act out this song. It shouldn't be that hard, right?
Li Zhihao and Liu Junxia started acting it out as soon as they saw the prompt.
They both reached out their hands. Liu Junxia grabbed Li Zhihao's hand.
Li Zhihao shook him off, so Liu Junxia grabbed him again. The two of them decisively interlocked their fingers.
The scene somehow became unbelievably funny.
Bai Shijun frowned.
“Shake hands?”
The two of them shook their heads frantically.
Liu Junxia reached out again, and Bai Shijun stared at him.
“Hold hands?”
My eyes lit up even more.
Yes! Just one more word!
Li Zhihao immediately nodded.
I didn't know if it was my imagination, but his gaze suddenly passed over the staff and landed on me.
Our eyes met. Before I could react, the corner of his mouth suddenly curled up.
Then he said with deadly seriousness, “Hold hands… okay?”
Liu Junxia started freaking out, frantically shaping the word “let's” with his mouth.
“Let's! Let's!”
Bai Shijun looked at him.
“Hold hands, then?”
Liu Junxia: “…”
Li Zhihao: “…”
Me: “…”
No, Bai Shijun.
Don't tell me you really couldn't figure it out.
Liu Junxia was about to lose his mind, gesturing wildly with his fingers, while Bai Shijun continued to look completely innocent.
“Hold hands?”
Time ran out, and the staff immediately hit the buzzer.
“Ding!”
“Hyung!”
Bai Shijun stood up from his chair.
“What?”
“‘Let's Hold Hands’! Jiang Minyu's ‘Let's Hold Hands’!”
“Ohhh,” he drawled. “So that's the song.”
I narrowed my eyes. He clearly knew. He had done that on purpose.
Bai Shijun turned to look at me, and I was glaring right back at him.
He suddenly stuck out his tongue at me.
What a childish idiot. I immediately turned my face away.
Minshu had seen the entire thing.
“Zhixia, you look really pissed.”
“…..Keep working.”
“I haven't even said anything.”
“Don't.”
She immediately pressed her lips together, but she couldn't hide her smile at all.
The game ended shortly afterward.
Nine questions. They had missed by one.
And of course, it was the Jiang Minyu question.
The staff announced, “Since you didn't get ten questions, you can only choose two ingredients and can't take any seafood.”
Liu Junxia's face fell instantly. He slowly walked over to the ingredient table.
One box of shrimp lay there quietly.
Liu Junxia crouched down.
“I'm sorry.” He reached out to touch the box. “We just weren't meant to be.”
The entire staff burst out laughing.
Li Zhihao stood beside him. “Don't make it sound like a tragic farewell.”
Liu Junxia turned and pointed at Bai Shijun.
“This is all your fault!”
Bai Shijun looked innocent.
“What did I do?”
“How could you not guess ‘Let's Hold Hands’?”
“I really didn't know.”
“You literally got as far as ‘hold hands’!”
“‘Let's’ was hard to guess.”
Liu Junxia walked over and grabbed his hand.
“Like this.”
He shook it.
“Hold hands.”
Then he raised their clasped hands forcefully.
“Let's!”
Bai Shijun tried not to laugh.
“Your acting is pretty good now.”
“This is exactly what I did before!”
“Was it?”
Liu Junxia lunged at him, and Bai Shijun ran off to the side, laughing.
“Hey! Don't pull me!”
“My shrimp!”
Li Zhihao stood to the side, laughing so hard he doubled over.
“Liu Junxia, why are you so obsessed with shrimp?”
“Because I want to eat them!”
I laughed along with them.
These three really were… hopeless.
In the end, they chose pork belly and rice cakes.
Liu Junxia kept staring at the shrimp until the ingredients were taken away.
“Goodbye.”
The staff were practically dying laughing.
At twelve-thirty in the afternoon, all the ingredients they had chosen were laid out in front of them.
Salt.
Garlic.
A block of butter.
Pork belly.
Rice cakes.
Fish cakes.
Chili oil.
Instant noodles.
Kimchi.
I stood beside the table and looked over everything one item at a time. The more I looked, the more uneasy I felt.
“So what are we making?”
Liu Junxia asked.
Bai Shijun crossed his arms.
“Let's figure out the menu first.”
Li Zhihao picked up the rice cakes.
“Spicy rice cakes?”
Liu Junxia immediately picked up the instant noodles.
“Then we can add noodles.”
Bai Shijun looked at the pork belly.
“Put in the pork belly too.”
“In the spicy rice cakes?”
“Why not?”
The two of them thought about it for a moment.
“That could work.”
Li Zhihao picked up the butter.
“What about this?”
Bai Shijun paused.
“Pan-fried pork? We can use the garlic with it too.”
Liu Junxia's eyes lit up.
“And kimchi! We can make kimchi fried rice.”
“Where's the rice?”
“Then… spicy rice cakes?”
“Those are already spicy rice cakes.”
“Then… fish cakes?”
I stood beside them, my brow furrowing deeper and deeper.
Were they even designing dishes?
They were just listing their favorite foods one by one.
I thought back over how they had chosen the ingredients earlier.
“We definitely need pork belly.”
“Rice cakes are delicious.”
“We can't go without instant noodles.”
“We have to get kimchi, right?”
“Fish cakes are important too.”
Not one of them had asked, What are we actually cooking?
I looked at the three men seriously studying the ingredients in front of them.
Suddenly, I understood their thought process perfectly.
What these guys were probably thinking right now was: Everything tastes good on its own, so if we put it all together, it'll definitely taste good too.
Bai Shijun picked up the chili oil.
“Should we add this too?”
“Sure.”
Li Zhihao and Liu Junxia actually nodded along.
I slowly took one step backward.
Minshu stood beside me.
“Zhixia.”
“Mm?”
“Do you think it'll taste good later?”
I looked at the completely nonsensical pile of ingredients on the table, then at the three men debating whether to put instant noodles and fried rice together.
I was silent for two seconds.
“Minshu, the staff are eating boxed lunches later, right?”
“Yeah.”
I nodded immediately.
“Good. Make sure you save one for me.”
I looked back at Bai Shijun.
He had just picked up the block of butter and was asking Zhihao with complete seriousness, “Can we throw this into the spicy rice cakes?”
I turned my head back around. I definitely still wanted to survive long enough to finish filming this season.
With my arms crossed, I looked toward the three of them again.
Even if I starved until I passed out at lunchtime, I absolutely was not eating anything they cooked.