One afternoon after work, my wife and I had tea together in the backyard.
That’s our routine whenever I get home from work early. We agreed to call it “our time.”
“Our wedding monthiversary is coming up soon, Angah,” my wife said, opening the conversation with a barely contained smile.
My brain, still stuffed with work, took a moment to load.
I wanted to ask, “Seriously?” but hesitated. Otherwise, this conversation would drag on forever.
In the end, my brain worked fast, counting the days.
One month and fifteen days?
Are you sure?
Yep, one month and fifteen days!
There were still two weeks to go before it made a full two months.
I wanted to complain that two months was still a long way off, but I was afraid it would actually become longer.
First, according to my wife’s rules, if she says two weeks is short, then it really is short. Like two blinks, and suddenly two weeks have passed.
Second, if my wife says two days is a long time, then it really is long. Like she turns it into two centuries.
In the end, I nodded. I took the middle ground so my wife could keep smiling brightly.
“What gift do you want from Big Brother, babe?”
Checkmate!
I deliberately went straight to the point.
Whenever it involved a birthday, a monthiversary, or any special day, it was never far from gifts, surprises, and special presents.
My wife was still smiling. “What do you think would be good, Angah?”
WTF?!
If my wife asked me the question right back, that meant the negotiations were going to take forever.
Again, there were two possibilities.
First, my wife wanted to test how much I was willing to participate in celebrating the special day.
Second, my wife already had something in mind but deliberately wanted to make me think in seven circles, take seven turns, and climb seven hills before finally choosing to jump off a cliff.
Understanding the art of listening to your wife’s inner voice is hard.
“Do you want me to buy you some jewelry, babe?”
Usually, the moment my wife heard the word jewelry, her eyes lit up.
But my wife shook her head.
Alhamdulillah, my wallet was safe.
“Then should I buy you that new motorcycle, babe?”
A while back, my wife had indeed been planning to buy a motorcycle. But she said she’d wait for the right time.
My wife shook her head again.
I wanted to offer to buy her clothes, bags, sandals, or shoes. No way!
My wife’s clothes already filled an entire closet. And that didn’t even include the ones taking up space in my closet.
If we displayed all my wife’s bags, sandals, and shoes, there’d be enough to open a store.
Alhamdulillah, my wallet was safe and sound.
“What do you think would be good, babe?”
Seriously!
My brain had hit a dead end.
“What’s something that won’t be a hassle, Angah?”
Aha, the first clue!
A gift, but not a hassle?
Did something like that even exist?
What, was I supposed to wrap up some weeds? My wife would just blow a gasket!
Aha!
My soul snapped its fingers in the air. I knew it. I knew what my wife meant.
“Do you just want cash, babe?” I was already getting my wallet out of my pants pocket. “How much do you want?”
My wife shook her head yet again.
Inside, I cheered.
Could it really be that my wallet was going to survive safe and sound?
“No, not like that, Angah! I don’t want money. I already have plenty of money.”
This time, I genuinely smiled, then took a sip of tea in relief.
Such a huge relief!
“Then what do you think it is?” I asked casually, so she’d think I cared about my own wife.
My wife shrugged with both shoulders, then smiled as wide as possible.
“How about...” My wife deliberately paused, while I waited, my heart pounding.
“...How about we take the whole family on vacation to Bali, Angah? It sounds like fun!”
It felt like the world had stopped spinning.
A vacation to Bali?
Bali?
BA-LIIII?!
THE WHOLE FAAAMILY?!
I said Astaghfirullah over and over.
Yeah, it would be fun!
A whole lot of fun, actually.
But... my wallet was going to be in the red for the next four years.
Seriously, this wife of mine!
Thank goodness I still loved her. If I didn’t, I’d trade my wife for a vacation ticket to Bali.
Oops!
Don’t tell my wife, okay?
Please... I still want to sleep in my own room.