Revina's breath seemed to catch at the words that came from her thesis adviser's mouth. She chose not to care. Without asking permission, Revina turned around and headed back toward the door.
Revina froze again when the professor managed to grab her hand.
"Why are you leaving?"
"I don't think there's anything else for me to do here. I have to go to class now."
"Do you feel guilty?"
"Guilty?"
"Yeah. Guilty. For hurting me. For disappointing me. For betraying me?"
"Enough, Professor Alan! I don't think it matters anymore. It's all over."
"Maybe it's over for you. But not for me."
"So what do you want, Professor Alan? I've already apologized and tried to explain everything to you. Even though I know it wasn't entirely my fault."
"And you think it was my fault?"
"Do you think I'm the only villain here and you're the victim?"
"Yeah. Isn't that the truth?"
"You should be able to think about it, Professor Alan. Who could wait that long, especially without even the slightest word from you? I wasn't wrong to think you'd forgotten about me back then. That's why I didn't hesitate to accept Irsyad. He was always there for me, while the person I used to love didn't care about my feelings at all."
"REVINA, I COULD NEVER FORGET YOU! BECAUSE I LOVE YOU..."
"But that was then. Back then. Before I saw with my own eyes how happy you were with another man, without me."
"Then. Yes... then! You know what the word 'then' means, Professor Alan. It's in the past. There's no point talking about it anymore. We'd be better off focusing on our own lives. The only thing between Professor Alan and me now is my thesis. Excuse me!"
At last, Revina managed to leave the room that had stirred up her feelings all over again. For a moment, she could breathe easier now that she was free of Alan's ranting, as if he were the one who had been hurt the most.
Meanwhile, Alan sat limply in his office. His head felt like it was throbbing. He massaged his forehead while thinking about the argument he'd just had with his student.
"Is all of this really my fault? Did I lose Revina because of my own mistakes?"
After finishing her class, Revina now sat alone in the cafeteria. The batagor that had been sitting on the table had done nothing but get aimlessly stirred around. Maybe Revina needed someone to vent to right now. But Irsyad—her boyfriend—couldn't be there with her at the moment.
Revina completely understood. Irsyad was busy preparing for his thesis defense, which wasn't far off. Of course, Revina wanted him to stay focused so everything would go smoothly. The most important thing was that Irsyad had never forgotten about her. He always kept her updated clearly, unlike someone from her past.
Whatever. Whenever she thought of that person, emotions only surged through Revina's heart and mind.
She started eating her batagor listlessly. By the end, only traces of peanut sauce remained on her plate. After finishing her iced orange drink, Revina stood up to take her used plate to the cafeteria lady.
She had taken only one step when she bumped into someone. Her luck today was truly awful. Revina hated causing trouble for other people. But this time, she really had been careless.
The light-blue shirt of the person she'd collided with was stained by the leftover peanut sauce. All Revina could do was apologize and try to clean the stain with the tissues available on the table.
"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry. I honestly didn't mean to. I'll try to clean this. I'm sorry... I'm really sorry again!"
"Enough! Do you think saying sorry is going to make my shirt clean again?"
That voice. A voice Revina knew all too well. She hadn't dared look at the face of the person she'd run into until now. But now she thought she had to look at him.
Sure enough, it was him. The man who'd recently added to her string of bad days. That angry professor.
"Professor," Revina blurted out.
"That's what happens when you don't watch where you're going. Stop spacing out all the time!"
"I wasn't spacing out, Professor. You weren't watching where you were going either."
"You're blaming me again? My shirt is the one that got dirty!"
"Yes. I'm sorry, Professor. I was wrong. I tried to clean it, but the stain won't come out."
"You only used a tissue. Of course it won't come out."
Alan took Revina's hand and led her toward the restroom.
"Professor, what is this? Why are we here?"
"Come in!"
"Seriously, Professor? This is the men's restroom."
"Did you think I'd take you to the women's restroom? This was your fault, so you're responsible for it."
"What do you mean, Professor Alan?"
"Just come in! Besides, it's empty. It's only the two of us here."
Revina obeyed Alan. She just wanted the problem to be over quickly.
"Well? Why are you just standing there? Clean my shirt!"
"Professor, your shirt needs to be washed."
"Fine, whatever you say. As long as it gets clean. I still have to teach after this."
Revina was startled when Alan started undoing the buttons on his shirt.
"Professor Alan? Wait, what are you doing?"
"You said it needed to be washed. What's wrong with you?"
"Yes, but you don't have to take off your shirt too, do you, Professor..." Revina began to panic.
"Fine. I won't take it off. So what now? Just clean it as best you can!"
Revina tried to clean the stain while the shirt was still on Alan's body. The stain was right over the chest of his shirt. She carefully wiped it, adding a little water at a time. She felt somewhat awkward because her hand had to touch Alan's broad chest, even with a layer of shirt between them.
Revina wasn't the only one who felt awkward. Alan felt it too. To be honest, he had missed feeling Revina's touch against his chest. It had been so long since he'd been this close to her. Alan closed his eyes, trying to remember the sweet memories he shared with Revina—her touch, her smile, her embrace.
When Alan opened his eyes, he tightly grasped Revina's hand where it rested against his chest.
"Enough, Rev! Don't do this anymore..."
Revina was slightly startled. She shifted her gaze to Alan's eyes, which were also looking at her. They stared at each other. For quite a long time.
Alan had just arrived home. He'd been teaching from morning until late afternoon. His packed teaching schedule had left him utterly exhausted today.
After tossing his bag onto the sofa and taking off his shoes and socks, Alan chose to lean back against the soft couch for a moment. He felt so exhausted that he could barely manage to walk as far as his bedroom.
He had almost closed his eyes when someone disturbed his peace.
"Oh, Kak Alan, you're home. You got back really late, Kak."
"Yeah. I taught nonstop from morning until late afternoon today."
"You really were teaching, Kak?"
"Huh? What do you mean? Prita, you must be thinking something weird," Alan probed.
"Hmm, I thought so. It could be that Kak Alan is staying late on campus just to hit on all the pretty students there. Just because you're handsome! Hmph! Or maybe—" Prita didn't finish her sentence.