I sat on the riverbank, staring blankly ahead. Things had been fairly quiet lately; there hadn't been any more reports of the serial murders. Had the target already been fulfilled? Or was this silence merely a sign that a storm was about to arrive?
"Do you like scenery like this?" A woman suddenly came over and started talking to me. She smiled sweetly at me, then sat down right beside me. "I like this place. It feels like my loneliness is forcing its way out and drowning me in hatred for my life. Somewhere else, I could only keep it bottled up until I reached my limit."
The woman smiled as she cast her gaze toward the river. I remained silent. I didn't like talking to strangers; more than that, I simply didn't like talking in general.
"It feels like going back to memories of the past, doesn't it? Things used to be so beautiful. Why did they turn out like this?" she said.
I still didn't move, unable to understand what she was rambling about.
"If someone we love very much—someone who was our role model and our savior—leaves us and betrays us, even though they're the only person we have in this world... do you think someone like that deserves to be allowed to live? Should we just kill them?"
She stared at me with a desperate look, waiting for me to answer her question. I let out a long sigh; I wasn't in a good mood today. I hadn't seen Mom for several days. When I left for school, there had only been a scrap of paper saying that she had already gone to work. I couldn't see her at night, either. Her bedroom remained locked. Whenever I knocked on the door, I heard her say that she was busy and didn't want to be disturbed.
"As far as I'm concerned, if someone important to me left me, I'd rather die. I don't want to go through the trouble of killing them; I wouldn't gain anything from it," I replied.
"Your answer hasn't changed, huh? Oh, right. My name is Samantha. Let's talk again next time," she said as she walked away. I merely nodded, then watched her back slowly disappear into the distance.
"Aora!"
I glanced behind me. It turned out Adit was the one calling me. He scratched the back of his neck, then smiled awkwardly. Adit was the sixth guy to leave me. I stared at him impassively. I had atoned for my sin of being unable to make him happy by standing for an hour at the place where he dumped me.
"How have you been? I heard about what happened to the kids in your class. Are you okay?" he asked with a worried expression. But a look like that wouldn't work on me anymore.
I'd said it from the beginning: I wouldn't accept anyone who had chosen to leave me. I stared coldly into his eyes. "I'm fine. Thanks for worrying about me," I said, then walked away. He left me because of this stiff face, so now he could enjoy my cold attitude.
Ding-ding-ding!
The bell signaling the end of break rang. I walked leisurely, ignoring Adit, who looked sad. Adit was a good person; he just gave up too easily. If he'd held on a little longer, maybe I could have sincerely loved him.
I saw Marco walking not far from me. I watched his back sway as he carried a book. I happened to notice a red stain on his finger. I reached for his hand to examine it. Sure enough, his finger was injured and bleeding.
"What's wrong with this?" I demanded.
Instead of answering, Marco brushed my hand away. "It's nothing," he replied curtly. He continued walking as if nothing had happened.
"No, it isn't. If you leave it alone, it could get infected," I said.
He sighed, then looked at me impassively. "Just leave it like this. Sometimes wounds can be calming," he replied, making me frown.
"Don't tell me this wound was intentional. You hurt yourself?" I stared sharply at him. Marco nodded, then smiled bitterly. I let go of his hand and walked ahead of him.
"Hahaha!" I laughed inwardly, mocking myself. What was I saying about infection? Didn't I do it all the time too? To get rid of my loneliness and emptiness, I often pricked my fingertips with a needle. I'd even cut my own hand before. The more blood that came out, the more satisfied I felt. But the effect only lasted for a little while.
"If there were something that could get rid of this emptiness, maybe I could laugh freely. Maybe my smile wouldn't be stiff," I murmured softly as I stared at my hands, covered in bandages.
"Yaaawn! I'm bored, guys!" Sophia said. "Let's go somewhere! Anywhere—the beach, the mountains, or the desert. We just need to get out of this school. I'm bored!"
"Let's go to the desert!" Chaterine added.
"No way, I don't like the heat. Let's go to a snow desert instead," Giva suggested.
I shook my head as I listened to their chatter. Not one of them was normal. "We should go to an underwater kingdom instead. That'd be more fun," I suggested. But they flat-out rejected my idea. "Aora! We're adults now. Don't be so childish. Pick somewhere realistic!" Chaterine said, looking down on me.
I sighed softly and rubbed my chest to calm myself down. Be patient, Aora. Be patient! They're idiots, so cut them some slack, I told myself. We were currently waiting for the teacher to come in. We'd barely been studying lately because the teachers were often absent. Maybe they were afraid to teach a class with such a high death rate.
I glanced at my three friends, who looked bored. They didn't seem panicked at all. "Can I ask you something?" I asked. They looked at me with furrowed brows. "Aren't you afraid of dying?"
Giva gave me an unreadable look. "Depends on who's doing the killing. If the killer's a pretty girl, I don't mind," she said.
Sophia and Chaterine giggled. I was baffled by their reaction. This wasn't something to laugh about. "Three people's lives have already been lost, and they were all from this class," I murmured.
Chaterine patted my shoulder. "We know exactly what our situation is right now. But you should also know what the three of us have been through. Does any one of us have a happy life? Take me, for example. I live all alone. My parents died before I was even old enough to remember their faces. All I know is their jobs and names. I've never experienced family life."
She continued, "Sophia still has an intact family, but they never care about her. They often take their frustrations out on her. And Giva? You already know she's from an orphanage. She doesn't know who her parents are."
Chaterine stared deeply into my eyes. "And you? Your own father abused you when you were little, forcing your mother to kill him. Do you really think we're all afraid to die? No! We all want to die, Aora. I'm sure you do too."
I fell silent. I pressed my lips together so no air could enter my chest; let the tightness grow stronger. I regretted asking something whose answer I already knew. We were nothing but unwanted outcasts.
After that conversation, not one of us said a word. We were all silent, lost in our own sadness. As I was savoring the quiet, my eyes caught sight of Marco pricking his fingers again. I stood up and walked toward him. I leaned my face close to his ear.
"If you want to do it, don't do it in front of people like this. Are you expecting sympathy from others? Pathetic!" I whispered.
Without waiting for Marco's answer, I walked out of the classroom. I hadn't said it to look cool; I was just annoyed at seeing him do it. It made me want to do it too, even though I'd been holding myself back all this time.
When I reached the toilet stall, I immediately sat down and took out the needle I'd hidden there. I pressed my fingers down and pierced them one by one. My heart pounded as the pain began to set in. Without realizing it, I curved my lips into a smile. "Ah, this really is better."
When school let out, Giva, Chaterine, Sophia, and I walked separately. Everyone's mood was ruined because of my carelessness. I let out a long sigh and looked up at the cloudy sky. It was perfect for a mourning atmosphere.
"Aora!"
I glared in annoyance when I heard that voice. "How long is he going to keep bothering me?" I muttered. I looked at Adit, who was smiling. "Want to walk home together?" he asked casually, as if he'd forgotten that our relationship was over. He really had no shame.
I looked at him coldly. "No," I answered harshly. "I'm in a bad mood. So please stay away from me for now," I muttered.
I walked away from him, but after only a few steps, Adit grabbed my hand and stopped me. My irritation grew even stronger. I glared sharply at him; it felt as though the veins in my face were already bulging. Should I just crack his skull? I thought.