Day 29 before departure.
Ever since that promise was made, Lara had started counting the days.
Not on purpose.
At least, that was what she always told herself.
But every morning, when she opened the calendar on her phone, her eyes automatically fell on the twenty-third.
Twenty-nine days left.
Then twenty-eight.
Twenty-seven.
And among all the things she was supposed to prepare—documents, clothes, campus matters, the departure—there was one thing that occupied her thoughts most often.
Raka's answer.
Before you leave.
That was what he'd said.
The problem was, Raka showed no signs of answering anytime soon.
They had started getting close again.
Closer than they had been a few days earlier.
Raka had started texting her in the mornings again.
Not every day, but often enough.
Lara had also started sending him photos of random things again.
They had started sitting together at Kedai Sela again.
Sometimes they went home from campus in the same direction.
Sometimes they fought over stupid little things.
But something was different.
As if they were both walking around one huge topic.
They knew it was there.
They knew they had to talk about it.
But neither of them had dared to touch it yet.
10:14
Lara was sitting in class when her phone vibrated.
She glanced at it discreetly beneath the desk.
Raka
Raka: You eat yet?
Lara held back a smile.
Lara: It's 10 a.m.
Raka: I mean breakfast.
Lara: yeah.
Raka: Liar?
Lara looked at the unopened bread in her bag.
Lara: A little.
The reply came quickly.
Raka: "A little" isn't a unit of food.
Lara: You're so annoying.
Raka: I'll bring you something later.
Lara stopped.
Lara: Where?
Raka: Campus, obviously.
Lara: You have class?
Raka: Nope.
Lara: Then what are you going to campus for?
Three dots appeared.
Raka: I've got something to do.
Lara smiled faintly.
Liar.
She knew him.
If Raka really had something to do, his answer would be longer.
When he answered this briefly, it usually meant he was hiding something.
Lara typed:
Lara: Whose business?
A long pause.
Then:
Raka: Nosy.
Lara held back a laugh.
The professor looked over.
She immediately put her phone down.
Mirea, sitting beside her, whispered, “Raka?”
Lara stared straight ahead.
“Focus on class.”
Mirea smiled.
An answer that clearly meant yes.
At 12:15, Raka really did show up.
Lara had just left class when she saw him standing near Teras Loka.
A black T-shirt.
Jeans.
A crossbody bag.
And a paper bag in his hand.
Lara knew immediately.
She walked over.
“You said you had something to do.”
Raka lifted the bag.
“I do.”
“What the hell?”
“This.”
Raka handed it to her.
Lara opened it.
A chicken sandwich and a carton of milk.
She looked at Raka.
“You came all the way here just to bring me this?”
Raka immediately looked away.
“I was already coming.”
“Coming for what?”
“Passing through.”
“Your house is thirty minutes from here.”
Raka fell silent.
Lara's smile grew wider.
“Passing through?”
Raka sighed.
“Fine. Yeah.”
“What?”
“I brought it for you.”
“Because?”
“You haven't eaten.”
Lara looked at him for a few seconds.
It was a small thing.
But those were exactly the things that were most dangerous.
Because Raka could say he was just her friend.
Then come thirty minutes out of his way just to bring her food.
“Thanks.”
“Mm.”
Lara opened the sandwich.
Raka watched her.
“Good?”
“I just took one bite.”
“Then taste it.”
“You're so nosy.”
Raka chuckled.
Then Lara's phone vibrated.
Darel.
Lara looked at the screen.
She didn't reply right away.
Raka saw the name too.
But this time, he didn't comment.
Lara noticed.
“You're not going to ask?”
Raka raised an eyebrow.
“Ask what?”
“Darel.”
Raka put his hands in his pockets.
“Why should I ask?”
“You usually do.”
“You said I shouldn't control you.”
Lara fell silent.
Raka didn't sound angry.
Just careful.
Lara immediately felt guilty.
“I didn't say you couldn't ask.”
“The boundaries are complicated.”
“Then talk to me.”
Raka looked at her.
Lara continued, “If you're curious, ask.”
“And you won't get mad?”
“Depends on the question.”
Raka smiled faintly.
“Okay.”
He glanced at Lara's phone.
“Is he asking to meet?”
Lara nodded.
“Tomorrow.”
Raka was silent a little longer.
“Do you want to?”
The question was different.
He wasn't forbidding her.
He wasn't asking about Darel.
He was asking about Lara.
Lara answered honestly.
“I don't know.”
Raka nodded.
He said nothing else.
And for some reason, that made Lara want him to say more.
That afternoon, Darel texted again.
Darel: We still on for tomorrow?
Lara stared at the screen for a long time.
Finally:
Lara: We are.
Darel:
Darel: Okay. I'll pick you up at five.
Lara:
Lara: Sure.
She closed the chat.
Then opened Raka's chat.
There was no reason.
Just reflex.
Raka was online.
Lara almost typed something.
Then didn't.
The next day, Darel took Lara to Taman Sagara.
Not somewhere to eat.
Not downtown.
Just a large park with walking paths and a few benches facing an artificial lake.
Lara didn't know why the place felt familiar.
Then she remembered.
She had come here with Raka and their friends once.
There was an old photo.
Raka had taken a picture of her without permission while she was laughing.
It was strange that she was coming here with Darel now.
They walked slowly.
Darel didn't say much.
Lara started to get suspicious.
“What's wrong with you?”
Darel turned to her.
“What do you mean?”
“You're quiet.”
“I'm thinking.”
“Well, that's new.”
Darel chuckled.
They sat on a bench.
A few seconds of silence passed.
Then Darel said, “I think I need to say something.”
Lara tensed immediately.
“That sounds scary.”
“It's not.”
Darel looked at the lake.
“I think I need to stop hoping for too much.”
Lara fell silent.
“What?”
Darel smiled faintly.
“I like you. That hasn't changed.”
“Then?”
“But I'm starting to know the answer.”
Lara gripped the strap of her bag.
“What answer?”
Darel turned to her.
“That it's not me.”
Lara immediately opened her mouth.
“Rel—”
“Listen first.”
Darel didn't sound angry.
That was exactly what made Lara even more uncomfortable.
“You tried.”
“I still—”
“I know.”
Darel smiled faintly.
“And I'm glad you gave me a chance.”
“Then why are you saying this?”
“Because I don't want that chance to turn into a burden.”
Lara was silent.
Darel continued, “Every time we go out, you're kind. You talk to me. You try.”
The word try hurt.
“But?”
“But every time your phone lights up, you look for someone else's name.”
Lara lowered her head.
“Whenever something funny happens, you seem to instinctively want to tell someone else.”
Darel smiled bitterly.
“And when I mention Raka, your expression changes.”
Lara couldn't deny it.
“Am I being awful?” she asked quietly.
“No.”
“I gave you hope.”
“A little.”
Lara covered her face.
“Sorry.”
Darel chuckled.
“I'm not asking you to apologize.”
He waited until Lara looked at him again.
“I'm only asking for one thing.”
“What?”
“Be honest.”
Darel looked at her.
“Not with me.”
Lara already knew.
“With yourself.”
The afternoon breeze moved gently.
Lara gazed at the lake.
For a long time.
Then she said, “I like Raka.”
For the first time, she said the sentence out loud.
Not in her thoughts.
Not to Mirea.
Not through a deleted message.
Darel only nodded.
“Finally.”
Lara chuckled with her eyes closed.
“Was I really that stupid?”
“Pretty much.”
Lara lightly smacked his arm.
Darel laughed.
Then the mood grew quiet again.
“Rel.”
“Mm?”
“Thanks.”
“Don't get dramatic.”
“I mean it.”
Darel looked at her.
“If he ever makes you cry, don't run to me.”
Lara laughed.
“Mean.”
“I have some self-respect.”
“Noted.”
Darel smiled.
And that afternoon, without a fight or any big drama, something ended.
Not a relationship.
Because it had never really begun.
Just a possibility.
That night, Lara called Mirea.
“I talked to Darel.”
“And?”
“It’s over.”
Mirea was quiet for a moment.
“Is he okay?”
“I think so.”
“And you?”
Lara lay down.
“I feel guilty.”
“That’s normal.”
“I also feel relieved.”
“That’s normal too.”
Lara stared at the ceiling.
“Mirea.”
“Mm?”
“I told Darel I like Raka.”
Mirea didn't answer.
Lara waited.
“Mirea?”
Then a scream exploded.
“FINALLY!”
Lara pulled the phone away from her ear.
“Keep it down!”
“I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR MONTHS!”
“I didn't tell Raka.”
“But you finally managed to say it out loud!”
Lara laughed.
Mirea then asked, “What now?”
“What?”
“Raka.”
Lara immediately went silent.
There it was.
A new problem.
Admitting it to Darel had been much easier.
Because Darel wasn't the person Lara wanted to choose.
“I'm scared.”
Mirea sighed.
“Of course.”
“What if he's only jealous out of habit?”
“Possible.”
“What if he's only afraid of losing a friend?”
“Possible.”
“What if—”
“Lara.”
“Mm?”
“If you keep imagining the worst-case scenarios, you'll never find out what's true.”
Lara fell silent.
Mirea continued, “He promised he'd answer before you leave, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Give him time.”
“How long?”
“Not fifty years.”
Lara laughed.
“You're annoying.”
“Learned it from Raka.”
Day 22 before departure.
Aksantara Week began.
The campus had completely transformed.
Huge banners hung over the gates.
Music played from the main stage.
Booths filled Pelataran Tengah.
Students from different faculties hurried back and forth.
The committee members were the busiest of all.
Kevar was nearly losing his voice.
Tavia had already gotten angry three times before ten in the morning.
Somehow, Sena still found time to eat.
And Raka hadn't stopped moving since seven.
Lara was at the registration table.
Raka was near the stage.
They only had time to look at each other from a distance.
Around noon, Lara received a message.
Raka: You eat yet?
Lara smiled.
Lara: No.
Raka: Wait.
Five minutes later, Raka appeared with a lunch box.
“How did you get away?”
“Two minutes.”
“Didn't Kevar come looking for you?”
“Don't say his name. He might appear.”
Lara laughed.
Raka handed her the food.
“Eat.”
“You?”
“I already ate.”
“Liar.”
Raka fell silent.
Lara pointed at the box.
“Sit.”
“I have to get back.”
“Two minutes.”
Raka looked at the time.
Finally, he sat down.
Lara opened the box.
They took turns eating because it turned out Raka had only bought one meal.
“You said you already ate.”
“I did.”
“Ate what?”
“Two pieces of bread.”
“That doesn't count as eating.”
“Are you me now?”
“So you know what it feels like to be nagged.”
Raka smiled.
In the middle of the crowd, they got five little minutes that belonged only to them.
Then Tavia shouted from a distance.
“RAKA!”
Raka stood up.
“There.”
Lara laughed.
“Go.”
Raka started running.
Then stopped.
Turned back.
“Lar.”
“Mm?”
Raka looked at her.
As if he was about to say something.
Lara knew immediately.
Her heart pounded.
But someone called for Raka again.
“RAKA! HURRY!”
Raka closed his eyes.
“Damn it.”
Lara laughed.
“Go.”
“Wait.”
“What?”
Raka looked at her again.
Then simply said,
“Don't go home tonight.”
Lara frowned.
“Why?”
“I want to take you somewhere.”
Lara's heart beat a little faster.
“Where?”
“It's a secret.”
“Raka.”
“Later.”
He ran off.
Lara watched his back.
Suddenly, the food in her hands had lost its taste.
Tonight.
Somewhere.
Could this be—
Lara immediately scolded herself.
Don't get your hopes up.
But hope had already appeared.
The event didn't finish until after nine that night.
All the committee members looked like they'd just returned from war.
Tavia sat on the floor.
Kevar leaned against the wall.
Sena slept with her head on the table.
Lara was putting away the name tags when Raka arrived.
“Still standing?”
“No.”
“Good.”
Lara looked at him.
“Why is that good?”
“So it'll be easier to kidnap you.”
Lara rolled her eyes.
“I want to go home.”
“You said you'd wait.”
Lara stopped.
She had been waiting.
Since noon.
“Where are we going?”
“For a walk.”
“At this hour?”
“Scared?”
“No.”
“Fine.”
Raka took Lara's bag before she could protest.
“Hey.”
“It’s heavy.”
“That’s my bag.”
“Exactly. That’s why I’m carrying it.”
Lara looked at him.
So many little things.
Again.
They walked out of campus.
They didn't take a vehicle.
Raka led Lara past Halte Lajur Lima, then toward a quieter road.
Lara began to recognize the direction.
“Jembatan Karsa?”
Raka turned to her.
“You remember?”
“You took me here once.”
“Once.”
“At night, too.”
“Mm.”
They finally arrived.
Jembatan Karsa was deserted.
City lights glimmered in the distance.
The river below reflected only a little light.
Raka set Lara's bag on the concrete railing.
Lara stood beside him.
“So?”
“So what?”
“Why are we here?”
Raka put his hands in his pockets.
“Can't I take a walk?”
“Sure.”
“Then fine.”
Lara eyed him suspiciously.
“Raka.”
“Mm?”
“You're being weird.”
“I've always been weird.”
“Weirder than usual.”
Raka chuckled.
Then fell silent.
Lara began to feel nervous.
Raka looked at the river.
“Do you remember the first time we came here?”
Lara nodded.
“Your motorcycle broke down.”
“Our motorcycle.”
“Your motorcycle.”
“You were the one who insisted we take that road.”
“Because it was a shortcut.”
“A thirty-minute shortcut.”
Lara laughed.
Raka joined her.
Then silence fell.
Raka said, “I almost told you something that day.”
Lara turned to him.
“What?”
Raka smiled faintly.
“I forgot.”
“Liar.”
“Yeah.”
Lara immediately grew even more tense.
Raka pulled out his phone.
He opened something.
Then handed it to her.
A photo.
Lara recognized herself.
Taman Sagara.
She was laughing.
An old photo.
“When was this?”
“When we went to Sagara.”
“You took it?”
“Yeah.”
“Why have I never seen it?”
Raka took his phone back.
“Don't know.”
Lara smiled faintly.
“I look terrible.”
“You look good.”
Raka's answer came too quickly.
Lara looked at him.
Raka cleared his throat.
“I mean the photo.”
“Uh-huh.”
Raka sighed.
“Why is this so hard?”
Lara's heart began pounding faster.
“What?”
Raka looked at her.
For a long time.
Then laughed nervously.
“I practiced.”
Lara could hardly believe it.
“Practiced?”
“Yeah.”
“Talking to a mirror?”
“To Sena.”
Lara laughed.
“Even worse.”
“Exactly.”
Raka rubbed his face.
Lara waited.
For the first time, she didn't save him by changing the subject.
She didn't joke.
She didn't give him an escape route.
Raka had made a promise.
She would let him keep it.
Raka took a breath.
“Lar.”
“Mm?”
“When I said I was jealous…”
Lara was silent.
“…it wasn't just because of Darel.”
Lara's heart pounded hard.
Raka continued.
“I was jealous because…”
He stopped.
Lara looked at him.
“Because?”
Raka chuckled nervously.
“God. I just have to say it.”
Lara didn't smile.
“Say it.”
Raka finally looked into her eyes.
“Because I like you.”
There was no sound.
No three dots.
No deleted message.
Lara simply stood there.
Raka continued, as if he were afraid that if he stopped, his courage would disappear.
“For a long time.”
Lara held her breath.
“I don't know exactly when it started.”
Raka chuckled.
“Maybe before I realized I had your order memorized.”
Lara lowered her head for a moment.
Her eyes began to sting.
“I like it when you text me.”
“I like it when you look for me.”
“I hate it when you're sick and don't tell me.”
“I always want to be the first person you tell things to.”
Raka looked at her.
“That’s why I got mad when I heard about Meridian from someone else.”
Lara bit her lip.
“Not because I had the right.”
“I just…”
Raka exhaled.
“I wanted to have that place in your life.”
Lara couldn't hold back a small smile.
Raka continued.
“I was afraid to say it because I thought that if you didn't feel the same way, I'd lose you.”
He smiled bitterly.
“Turns out I almost lost you by staying quiet, too.”
Lara looked at him.
“Raka.”
“Mm?”
“Why only now?”
The question didn't sound angry.
More tired than anything.
Raka lowered his head.
“Because I'm a coward.”
Lara chuckled through the tightness in her chest.
“At least you know it.”
Raka laughed with her.
Then his face grew serious again.
“I don't know how you feel now.”
Lara was silent.
“I also don't want you to cancel your trip.”
Raka gestured into the distance, as if Elvarsa lay beyond the city lights.
“You have to go.”
Lara looked at him.
“I just don't want you to leave without knowing.”
Silence.
Raka swallowed.
“So…”
He smiled nervously.
“Now it's your turn.”
Lara raised an eyebrow.
“What the hell?”
“Answer me.”
“Answer what?”
“Don't get revenge.”
Lara almost laughed.
Raka looked at her with equal parts hope and fear.
For the first time, Lara was in control.
She could joke.
She could leave him hanging.
She could say later.
But after all the messages they had deleted, it didn't feel fair.
Lara took a breath.
“Darel and I are done.”
Raka froze.
“What?”
“Not that we broke up. We never dated.”
“Oh.”
“He said he knew I liked someone else.”
Raka didn't move.
Lara smiled faintly.
“And he was right.”
Raka still didn't seem brave enough to draw the conclusion.
“Who’s the someone else?”
Lara rolled her eyes.
“Seriously?”
“I need confirmation.”
Lara chuckled.
Then stepped closer.
There was only a little space between them now.
“You.”
Raka was silent.
Completely silent.
Lara almost laughed at his expression.
“Rak?”
“Mm?”
“I like you.”
Finally.
The sentence truly existed in the world.
It wasn't deleted.
It wasn't saved in her notes.
It didn't disappear before being read.
Raka looked at her as if he were still making sure.
“Since when?”
Lara laughed.
“Why does everything need a date?”
“For scientific purposes.”
“Maybe before I sent that message I deleted that night.”
Raka looked at her sharply.
“There it is.”
Lara knew it.
“Don't.”
“What did it say?”
“Forget it.”
“Lar.”
“It doesn't matter.”
“You said you liked me. Now I have the right to know.”
“Didn't you say you didn't have the right?”
“It's different now.”
Lara held back a laugh.
“How is it different?”
Raka opened his mouth.
Then stopped.
Lara narrowed her eyes.
“There it is.”
Raka laughed.
“Fine.”
But a few seconds later, he said, “So all this time…”
“Yeah.”
“And I…”
“Yeah.”
“We…”
“Yeah.”
Raka covered his face.
“Idiot.”
Lara burst out laughing.
Raka laughed too.
All the heaviness that had piled up over the past few weeks suddenly felt a little lighter.
Then Raka lowered his hands.
His face grew serious again.
“So what now?”
Lara raised an eyebrow.
“What now?”
“Us.”
The question they'd avoided all this time.
Lara gazed at the city lights.
She was leaving in three weeks.
For five months.
If they started something now, it wouldn't be easy.
But hadn't uncertainty been the most exhausting thing of all?
Lara turned back to him.
“I'm leaving in three weeks.”
“I know.”
“For five months.”
“I know.”
“In a different city.”
“Lar.”
“Mm?”
“I just spent months working up the nerve to say I like you.”
Raka smiled.
“I’m not backing out over five months.”
Lara chuckled.
“Sure?”
“No.”
Lara looked at him.
Raka continued, “But I want to try.”
Honest.
Not made perfect.
Lara liked that.
“Me too.”
Raka smiled.
Then they were both silent.
For a long time.
Raka looked like he wanted to do something but didn't know what.
Lara noticed.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“What are you trying to do?”
“Nothing.”
“Liar.”
Raka laughed nervously.
“This is my first time making it this far.”
Lara laughed too.
“Then?”
“I usually get stuck at texting.”
“Poor thing.”
“Don't bully me.”
Raka slowly held out his hand.
He didn't grab hers right away.
He only opened his palm between them.
Lara looked at it.
Then placed her hand in his.
Raka closed his fingers around hers.
Simple.
There was no grand scene.
No music.
Just two hands finally meeting after hiding behind screens for far too long.
Lara looked at their hands.
“So what is this?”
Raka immediately turned to her.
“Huh?”
“You said you like me.”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
Raka thought about it.
Then smiled.
“Can I be your boyfriend?”
Lara held back a smile.
“That’s the least romantic proposal ever.”
“I can do it again.”
“No.”
“So?”
Lara let him wait for a few seconds.
Just enough revenge.
Then:
“Okay.”
Raka grinned.
A smile Lara rarely got to see.
“Really?”
“If you ask again, I’m taking it back.”
“Okay.”
They laughed.
And that night, on Jembatan Karsa, the relationship that had never had a name finally got one.
Not friends.
Not almost.
Not maybe.
Them.
At 11:38 p.m., Lara had returned to Paviliun Aster.
Mirea wasn't asleep yet.
The moment Lara entered the room with a smile she couldn't hide, Mirea jumped to her feet.
“WHAT?”
Lara put down her bag.
“Nothing.”
“DON'T MESS WITH ME.”
Lara laughed.
Mirea grabbed both her shoulders.
“HE SAID IT?”
Lara nodded.
Mirea screamed.
Lara immediately covered her mouth.
“Shhh!”
“ARE YOU DATING?”
Lara nodded again.
Mirea jumped.
“OH MY GOD.”
“Keep it down!”
“I'M GOING TO CRY.”
“You're so dramatic.”
“I'VE BEEN WATCHING TWO IDIOTS FOR MONTHS.”
Lara laughed.
Her phone vibrated.
Raka.
Raka: You back in your room?
Lara showed Mirea the screen.
Mirea smacked her arm.
“REPLY.”
Lara:
Lara: yeah.
Raka:
Raka: So my girlfriend is safe.
Lara froze.
Her face immediately went hot.
Mirea saw it.
Then screamed silently while beating her pillow.
Lara typed:
Lara: You've only been my boyfriend for an hour and you're already being cheesy.
Raka:
Raka: Let me.
Lara:
Lara: Go to sleep.
Raka:
Raka: One thing first.
Lara: What?
Three dots appeared.
Then:
Raka: That message from that night.
Lara closed her eyes.
Of course.
Lara: No.
Raka: Lara.
Lara: It's deleted.
Raka:
Raka: That's exactly why.
Raka: I'm going to be curious for the rest of my life.
Lara laughed.
She typed:
Actually, all this time I've always hoped I was the person you liked.
The complete sentence.
Exactly as it had been that night.
Lara read it.
She didn't send it right away.
That sentence had frightened her before.
Now it felt different.
She pressed send.
Message sent.
Two check marks.
Turned blue.
It took Raka almost a minute to reply.
Then:
Raka: Damn.
Lara laughed.
Lara: What the hell?
Raka:
Raka: If I'd read it all that night, maybe we wouldn't have wasted all this time.
Lara:
Lara: Your fault for reading so slowly.
Raka:
Raka: YOUR FAULT FOR DELETING IT.
Lara:
Lara: Reflex.
Raka:
Raka: From now on, you're not allowed to delete important chats.
Lara smiled.
Lara: You too.
Raka:
Raka: Deal.
Lara stared at their conversation.
For the first time, there wasn't a single sentence she wanted to take back.
But before locking her screen, Raka sent one more message.
Raka: Lar.
Lara: Mm?
Raka: I'm glad the person you've hoped for all this time turned out to be me.
Lara smiled.
Then replied:
Lara: Don't get cocky.
Raka:
Raka: Too late.
And that night, for the first time since it had all begun, a confession finally remained in their chat.
It wasn't deleted.
It didn't turn into gray text.
It left no questions behind.
Just one old sentence that had finally reached the person who was supposed to read it from the very beginning.
The problem was, that happiness came with a countdown.
In twenty-two days, Lara still had to leave.
And this time, they no longer only had to learn how to confess their feelings.
They had to learn how to hold on to them when distance finally arrived.