I spent hours doing nothing but watching the rows of roof tiles, neatly lined up and perched on boards made from bamboo slats. Two glass tiles were tucked among them, making my room brighter than the others. The sky looked brighter too. What time was it now?
“I came by early this morning, but you were still asleep, Ana.”
I skimmed through his message. My fingers began typing a reply, but I stopped myself. I knew he would come. In fact, I’d woken up very early, but when the time drew near, I chose to hide beneath the blankets again.
You’re pathetic, Ana. I cursed myself inwardly.
I didn’t want to be like this. I left his message unanswered. Then I turned off my phone.
“I’m sorry, Maul! Not today. Later. I promise I’ll come to you. Again! Before you leave,” I muttered to myself.
My head felt lighter after I cut my hair short, even though it had only reached my shoulders to begin with. I studied myself in the mirror while rubbing my head with a towel. My hair was always so slow to dry. I supposed I needed to schedule a hairdryer purchase.
I moisturized my face and applied the rest of my skincare products. I took out a milo-colored tunic outfit and paired it with a matching pashmina.
Once again, I looked at myself in the full-length mirror standing in the corner of my room. I let out a long breath and forced myself to smile.
“Ana, love is a calling from the heart. If your heart is still heavy, let go for now, dear. Free your heart from the great stone blocking love’s path,” Mom had said last night before I headed to my room.
I’ll try, Mom. Today, I’ll try to let it go.
The sun climbed higher. The blue sky above stretched out like a vast expanse where white clouds played. I wiped the sweat from my forehead. A little smudge came away on the white tissue I used.
My eyes lit up at the sight of the steam rising from the seblak as it arrived. The red broth clinging to the crackers, meatballs, sausage, dumplings, mushrooms, and chicken bones looked incredibly appetizing. Shreds of egg and mustard greens added even more color to this serving of lunchtime bliss.
Next time, I have to bring Maul here. I thought as I began spooning up the spicy seblak.
Ah, I was thinking about that man again. Of course, he never lacked for food. Plenty of people brought him delicious feasts. But had he ever eaten seblak? I smiled at the thought of that man eating spicy seblak. It had to be funny.
What was he doing now? Was he still waiting in his heart for me to come? What about his disappointment yesterday? And today?
Maul. Maul, I hope your understanding is broader than my mistakes. I prayed silently, from the depths of my heart.
That was how my longing worked. I remembered him in every little thing I did. I imagined what it would be like to do things together. It might be wonderful. But if so, why did meeting him feel so frightening? I was still searching for the answer myself.
My phone vibrated while I was sipping iced orange juice. The cold flowed all the way down. I reached for the phone tucked inside my bag. I saw fifteen missed calls from Mom.
I let it sit for a moment without sending her a message. I placed the phone on the table while I finished the last remnants of pleasure in my bowl.
A few minutes later, my phone vibrated again. It was still the same name. I pressed the green button. I deliberately turned up the call volume. My hand was still busy fishing around in the remains of the seblak. The last bite really was the best part.
“Ana, come home now! Maul was in an accident this morning,” Mom said from the other end.
... (to be continued)