Mom's hand was warm.
Siwoo held on tightly. He could feel each of her fingers, even the cold touch of the ring on her ring finger. He knew it was Mom's hand even with his eyes closed. It was the hand he had held more than any other in the world.
“Siwoo.”
He heard Mom's voice. She was crying. Crying again.
Siwoo tried to open his eyes, but his eyelids were heavy. His whole body felt heavy, as if it were wrapped in cotton, and a machine was beeping in his ears. He was in the hospital. The place he was always in.
“My Siwoo, Mom's here. Mom's right here.”
I know. Siwoo wanted to answer. Don't cry, Mom. I'm okay. But his mouth wouldn't move.
Mom's hand tightened. Siwoo squeezed her hand with all his strength, too. Or at least he thought he did. He wasn't sure whether his fingers had moved.
“Siwoo, Mom will come to you. I promise. You know that, right? Mom will come later. I promise.”
Mom's voice grew farther and farther away. The machine did, too. The warmth of her hand slowly faded from his fingertips.
Siwoo was scared.
But then something strange happened. His heavy body began to grow light. The pressure that had crushed his chest every time he breathed disappeared. His heart, which had always pounded irregularly, grew quiet. Nothing hurt. For the first time in his life, nothing hurt anywhere.
Siwoo opened his eyes.
There was white light. White light that didn't hurt his eyes. Warm light softly surrounded him from every direction. Siwoo realized he was standing somewhere. Something like a cloud lay beneath his feet. It was soft. When he looked ahead, there was a path. A long Bridge made of clouds stretched straight ahead, and light gathered at its far end.
Siwoo turned around.
There was nothing there. No Mom, no hospital, no beeping machine. Only white mist quietly rising.
“…Mom?”
His small voice scattered into the light. There was no answer.
Siwoo stood there for a long time. Even a child knew when there was no way back. A child who had spent so long in the hospital had learned to sense the things adults didn't say. He even understood what Mom had meant with her last words.
Siwoo lowered his head and clenched his fists. He didn't cry. He thought it would make Mom even sadder if he did.
One step. Then another.
Siwoo walked across the Bridge. The clouds wrapped around his feet, making no sound. It was quiet. So quiet it scared him, but the farther he walked, the closer the light came, and as the light drew nearer, a breeze began to blow from somewhere. He smelled flowers. Grass, too. Scents he could never smell in the hospital.
At the end of the Bridge was the Tunnel of Light. It was round and enormous, and warm air blew from inside. Siwoo stopped in front of it. He couldn't see what was inside. It was filled with nothing but light.
He was scared. But there was nothing behind him.
Just as Siwoo was about to take a step, a voice came from beyond the light.
“Your legs will hurt if you stand there. Come over here.”
It was an old woman's voice. Low and slow, like a country grandma's voice. Siwoo flinched. He didn't know her. As he always did in front of strangers, he took one step back.
“I won't eat you. If I had a radish, I'd peel one for you, but there aren't any radishes here.”
A human shape appeared between the lights. A small, slightly stooped old woman stood on the other side of the tunnel. She was holding something in her hand. It was a tangerine.
“Aren't you hungry? Have this, at least.”
The old woman held out the whole tangerine without even peeling it. Siwoo didn't answer. With his head bowed, he could see only her shoes. They were rubber slippers.
The old woman didn't hurry him. She simply set the tangerine down on the tunnel floor with a soft tap, then took one step back.
“I'll be right here. Take your time.”
Siwoo stood there for a long time. The old woman really did stay in that spot and wait. She didn't say anything. She just stood there.
The wind blew. The scent of flowers returned. Siwoo lifted his head a little. The old woman was smiling. It wasn't the smile Mom wore while crying. She was simply smiling. Her eyes were nearly hidden between the wrinkles.
Siwoo picked up the tangerine.
Then he took one step into the light.
When the light disappeared, the world opened up before him. Siwoo's eyes widened.
Flowers. There were flowers in every direction. There were cherry blossoms he'd seen from the hospital window, along with flowers he didn't know the names of. Small houses huddled together among the flower fields, and a bird chirped somewhere. The sky was streaked with blue and orange like spreading paint. It was a strange sky that looked like evening and morning at the same time.
And nothing hurt. His chest wasn't tight. He wasn't out of breath.
Siwoo placed a hand over his chest. His heart was beating. Quietly and evenly. It was a heartbeat he'd never felt before in his life.
“This is…”
“They say it's Heaven. Grandma was surprised when she first came, too.”
Grandma Bongsun stood beside Siwoo. She was only a little taller than him. She didn't pat his head or put an arm around his shoulders. She simply stood beside him, shoulder to shoulder, looking out at the same view.
“Aren't you scared?”
Siwoo nodded. Just a little.
“Yeah, I suppose it would be scary. Grandma was scared at first, too.”
That was all she said. She didn't ask anything else. She didn't ask if he missed Mom. Siwoo was grateful for that. He thought he might cry if she asked.
Siwoo looked down at the tangerine in his hand. The small, round fruit was warm in his palm.
“…Grandma.”
“Yes?”
“Can I see Mom here?”
Grandma Bongsun looked at Siwoo for a moment. Then she pointed somewhere beyond the flower fields.
“There's a lake. If you go there, you can see her.”
Siwoo's eyes grew a little wider.
“Really?”
“Yes. Really. But let's rest today. You must be tired after coming all this way.”
Grandma walked slowly. Siwoo followed her, staying about two steps behind. She didn't turn around. She simply walked, as if she knew he was following.
As they walked along a small path through the flower fields, Siwoo peeled his tangerine. He put one segment in his mouth. It was sweet. Much sweeter than the tangerines he'd eaten in the hospital.
Siwoo turned around once as he walked. The Tunnel of Light was already out of sight. In its place, flower fields stretched endlessly.
He missed Mom.
But the tangerine was sweet, the breeze was warm, and the back of the grandma walking ahead of him was small and steady.
Siwoo turned forward again and kept walking.