Chapter Nine: The Me Outside the Door
Knock.
Knock.
Knock.
When the third knock fell, the entire house suddenly became terrifyingly silent.
Shen Yuchuan stood in front of the door.
Su Wanqing stood behind him.
And the voice outside still didn't speak again.
It simply waited in silence.
As if it knew.
As long as Shen Yuchuan opened the door, everything would end.
“Don’t open it.”
Su Wanqing said it again.
Shen Yuchuan didn’t turn around.
“You said the person outside is me.”
“Yes.”
“The real me?”
“Yes.”
“Then who am I?”
Su Wanqing fell silent.
Shen Yuchuan turned around.
“You said I was the first.”
“The other twelve were all created by you.”
“Then why don’t I remember?”
Su Wanqing looked at him.
Only after a long while did she say softly,
“Because you personally made yourself forget.”
Shen Yuchuan frowned.
“What does that mean?”
“Ten years ago, when you first woke up, you already knew everything.”
“You knew about the Zero.”
“You knew about your mother.”
“You knew about me.”
“And you knew that you were already dead.”
“But you couldn’t accept it.”
She slowly moved closer.
“So you did something.”
“What?”
“You split yourself into thirteen.”
Shen Yuchuan’s breathing stopped for an instant.
“Thirteen?”
“The first one was the real you.”
“Starting with the second, each one was a version of yourself you created to escape your memories.”
“Each you retained only part of your memories.”
“Every time you were reborn.”
“You forgot a little more.”
“Until the thirteenth.”
“The one who remembered nothing.”
Shen Yuchuan looked at her.
“So…”
“The me standing here now is the thirteenth?”
“No.”
Su Wanqing shook her head.
“You’re the first.”
“You just mistook yourself for the thirteenth.”
Shen Yuchuan froze.
“Then where’s the thirteenth?”
Su Wanqing lifted her head.
She looked toward the door.
Knock.
Another knock came from outside.
“Right outside.”
Shen Yuchuan’s heartbeat instantly sped up.
“So it really is me?”
“Yes.”
“What if I open the door?”
“You’ll disappear.”
“Will it replace me?”
“No.”
Su Wanqing’s eyes filled with sorrow.
“You’ll return to your original place.”
“What place?”
“Death.”
Shen Yuchuan fell silent.
He looked at the door.
The door itself was ordinary.
Made of wood.
Even somewhat old.
But he knew.
The thing standing outside might be the most dangerous existence he had ever encountered.
“What if I don’t open it?”
“It will keep waiting.”
“For how long?”
“Until you remember.”
“Remember what?”
Su Wanqing didn’t answer.
Shen Yuchuan suddenly noticed that her hands were trembling.
“Are you scared?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you scared of it too?”
“I’m not scared of it.”
“Then what are you scared of?”
Su Wanqing looked at him.
“I’m afraid you’ll remember the last thing.”
“What thing?”
She lowered her head.
“You killed me.”
Shen Yuchuan went rigid.
“This again.”
“I didn’t kill you.”
“You did.”
“Those twelve times weren’t me.”
“They were you.”
“No!”
For the first time, he truly lost control.
“I already told you!”
“I didn’t kill you!”
“I don’t know what happened in those worlds!”
“I don’t even know whether I’m really me!”
Su Wanqing didn’t argue.
She simply looked at him in silence.
“You’re right.”
“You don’t know.”
“That’s why I never dared tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
“About the true first world.”
Shen Yuchuan froze.
“The true first world?”
“Not the one you remember.”
She walked to the center of the room.
Then she pointed at the clock on the wall.
03:13.
“The real first time.”
“It happened at 3:13.”
Shen Yuchuan stared at the clock.
“Not three o’clock?”
“No.”
“Then why is every world set at 3 A.M.?”
“Because you forgot 3:13.”
“And everything you forgot was compressed into three o’clock.”
Shen Yuchuan slowly moved closer.
“What exactly happened at 3:13?”
Su Wanqing closed her eyes.
“You killed the Zero.”
Shen Yuchuan jolted.
“I did?”
“Yes.”
“I killed it?”
“Yes.”
“Then why does it still exist?”
Su Wanqing opened her eyes.
“Because what you killed…”
“Wasn’t it.”
“It was yourself.”
Shen Yuchuan didn’t know how long he stood there.
It was as if countless fragments had begun colliding inside his mind.
A hospital.
A hospital bed.
His mother.
Su Wanqing.
His father.
And a seventeen-year-old version of himself.
They all tangled together.
“I don’t understand.”
“You wanted to kill the Zero back then,” Su Wanqing said.
“Because it kept using you.”
“But you killed the wrong person.”
“Who?”
“Yourself.”
Shen Yuchuan looked at her.
“The real you?”
“Yes.”
“You pulled out all your memories.”
“Then you sealed them inside thirteen different personalities.”
“The first was responsible for remembering death.”
“The second was responsible for remembering fear.”
“The third was responsible for remembering Su Wanqing.”
“The fourth was responsible for remembering your mother.”
“The fifth was responsible for remembering your father.”
“The sixth was responsible for remembering your friends.”
“And so on, until the thirteenth.”
“What was the thirteenth responsible for?”
Su Wanqing looked at him.
“For staying alive.”
Pain struck Shen Yuchuan in the chest.
“So that’s why I don’t know anything?”
“Because you were only responsible for staying alive.”
“You didn’t need to know why you were alive.”
“And you didn’t need to know who had died.”
“All you had to do was wake up every day.”
“Eat every day.”
“Go to school every day.”
“Live every day.”
“Like an ordinary person.”
Shen Yuchuan gave a bitter laugh.
“But I’ve never been ordinary.”
“I know.”
“You always knew?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because the moment you knew…”
She looked toward the door.
“The thirteenth would wake up.”
“The one outside?”
“Yes.”
“The real me.”
Shen Yuchuan lowered his head.
“What about now?”
“He’s already awake.”
“So you have to make a choice.”
“What choice?”
“Let him in.”
“Or let yourself out.”
Shen Yuchuan frowned.
“What does it mean to let myself out?”
Su Wanqing walked to the door.
“You’ve always thought this was your world.”
“But it isn’t.”
“This house is your memory.”
“The world outside the door is reality.”
Shen Yuchuan stared at the door.
“Then the me outside…”
“Is in the real world.”
“And you…”
She looked at Shen Yuchuan.
“Are already dead.”
A laugh suddenly came from outside the door.
“She finally told you.”
Shen Yuchuan whipped his head toward the door.
“You can hear us?”
“Of course.”
The voice outside said,
“I’ve been listening the whole time.”
“Who are you?”
“I’m you.”
“The real me?”
“Yes.”
“Then why can’t I see you?”
“Because you’re not ready yet.”
“Ready for what?”
“To see your own face.”
Shen Yuchuan fell silent.
The voice outside spoke again:
“Do you really want to know?”
“Yes.”
“Then open the door.”
Su Wanqing grabbed his arm.
“Don’t.”
Shen Yuchuan looked at her.
“I have to know.”
“You’ll regret it.”
“I’ve already regretted too many things.”
“This time is different.”
“How is it different?”
Tears suddenly spilled from Su Wanqing’s eyes.
“This time.”
“After you open the door.”
“I won’t exist anymore.”
Shen Yuchuan stared at her.
“Why?”
“Because I exist only in your memory.”
“As soon as you return to reality.”
“You’ll lose me.”
Shen Yuchuan looked at her.
“Then I won’t go back.”
“You can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re already dead.”
“The dead can’t go on living in memory forever.”
“You’ll become less and less stable.”
“And eventually…”
She paused.
“You’ll become the Zero.”
Shen Yuchuan’s expression changed.
“So the Zero is…”
“All the versions of yourself who died.”
“All the memories that refused to leave.”
“The thing formed when they all fused together.”
“It isn’t one person.”
“It’s every part of you that refuses to die.”
The voice outside suddenly turned cold.
“Don’t listen to her.”
“She’s lying to you.”
Shen Yuchuan ignored it.
“If I go out.”
“You’ll disappear?”
“Yes.”
“If I stay.”
“I’ll become the Zero?”
“Yes.”
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
Su Wanqing looked at him.
“Forget me.”
Shen Yuchuan closed his eyes.
“This again.”
“Because this is the only time it’s true.”
Suddenly.
A beam of light appeared beneath the door.
It was white.
Blindingly bright.
Shen Yuchuan lowered his head.
He saw a pair of feet outside.
Black shoes.
Standing perfectly straight.
“I’ll give you ten seconds,” the person outside said.
“Ten.”
Su Wanqing gripped Shen Yuchuan’s hand.
“Don’t open it.”
“Eight.”
Shen Yuchuan looked at her.
“You’ll disappear.”
“Seven.”
She shook her head.
“I should have disappeared in the first place.”
“Six.”
“But I don’t want to lose you again.”
“Five.”
Su Wanqing smiled.
“You’ve already lost me so many times.”
“Four.”
“This time.”
“Don’t look back.”
“Three.”
Shen Yuchuan looked at her.
“What if I forget you?”
“Two.”
“Will I remember you again someday?”
“One.”
Su Wanqing didn’t answer.
The person outside said,
“Time’s up.”
Shen Yuchuan gripped the doorknob.
Then twisted it hard.
The door opened.
There was no hallway outside.
No apartment.
Nor any place Shen Yuchuan recognized.
There was a hospital room.
White walls.
White sheets.
Medical equipment gave off a steady beeping sound.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Someone was lying in the hospital bed.
Shen Yuchuan stood in the doorway.
The person slowly sat up.
Then lifted his head.
Shen Yuchuan’s breathing stopped instantly.
It was a face he knew better than anything.
His own face.
Twenty-five years old.
Exactly the same as he was now.
But the other man’s eyes were completely different.
Calm.
Cold.
Like someone who had seen through everything.
“Hello,” he said.
Shen Yuchuan didn’t answer.
“Nice to meet you.”
“Who are you?”
“My name is Shen Yuchuan.”
“My name is Shen Yuchuan too.”
“I know.”
The man smiled.
“That’s why we need to resolve this problem.”
“Which one of us is real?”
Shen Yuchuan stared at him.
“You.”
“Wrong.”
The man shook his head.
“I’m the you who died.”
“Then I’m…”
“The you who’s alive.”
Shen Yuchuan froze.
“So…”
“Now you understand.”
The man stood up.
“You’re the last thought I had before I died.”
“Me?”
“Yes.”
“What did you think about before you died?”
The man fell silent.
“I thought of her.”
Shen Yuchuan turned around.
Su Wanqing stood in the doorway.
The man looked at her.
“She was the last memory I had before I died.”
“That’s why she’s always existed.”
“Not because she’s the Zero.”
“And not because she’s your mother.”
“But because…”
The man slowly walked closer.
“I love her.”
Shen Yuchuan stared.
“But she’s my sister.”
The man smiled.
“You finally remembered.”
“Remembered what?”
“She isn’t your sister.”
“She’s someone you created.”
“What?”
“Your mother had only one child.”
“That was you.”
Shen Yuchuan looked at Su Wanqing.
She didn’t deny it.
“Then who is she?”
The man answered:
“She was created in your mind when your mother died.”
“Someone you created to take your mother’s place.”
“That’s why you called her Su Wanqing.”
Shen Yuchuan staggered backward.
“No…”
“She doesn’t exist?”
“She exists.”
The man looked at Su Wanqing.
“But only inside you.”
Shen Yuchuan turned his head.
Su Wanqing smiled through her tears.
“Now you know.”
“I’m not your sister.”
“Not your lover.”
“And not your mother.”
“I’m the person you refused to lose.”
Tears fell from Shen Yuchuan’s eyes.
“Then why do I love you so much?”
She walked up to him.
“Because you couldn’t accept your mother leaving.”
“So you created someone.”
“To grow up with you.”
“To suffer with you.”
“To die with you again and again.”
“Until you could finally let go.”
Shen Yuchuan looked at her.
“So…”
“I’ve spent all this time loving someone who doesn’t exist?”
Su Wanqing gently shook her head.
“No.”
“You loved me.”
“That was real.”
“Even if I was fake?”
“A person can be fake.”
“Feelings don’t have to be.”
Shen Yuchuan closed his eyes.
He suddenly remembered the first time he met her.
Five years old.
A hospital.
His mother’s death.
A little girl crouching in front of him.
“Don’t cry.”
“She’ll always be with you.”
Back then, he asked her,
“What’s your name?”
The girl thought for a moment.
“Su Wanqing.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s raining tonight.”
“Wanqing.”
“That sounds nice.”
Shen Yuchuan smiled.
“Then I’ll call you Wanqing.”
At that moment.
She was born.
Not from the world.
But from his memory.
Inside the hospital room.
The real Shen Yuchuan stood by the window.
“Now you should understand.”
“The Zero isn’t an enemy.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s you.”
“And me.”
“And everything you refuse to accept.”
Shen Yuchuan looked at him.
“Then how do I destroy it?”
“You can’t destroy it.”
“You can only accept it.”
“Accept what?”
“Accept that you really did die.”
“Accept that your mother really died.”
“Accept that Su Wanqing doesn’t exist.”
“Accept that you can’t save everyone.”
“Accept that you’re only an ordinary person.”
Shen Yuchuan fell silent.
“If I accept it.”
“Will I disappear?”
The man nodded.
“You’ll return to reality.”
“And this place…”
He looked at Su Wanqing.
“Will all disappear.”
Shen Yuchuan looked at her.
Su Wanqing wasn’t crying.
She was simply smiling.
“A-Chuan.”
“Do you remember the first time we met?”
Shen Yuchuan nodded.
“I remember.”
“That’s enough.”
She slowly backed away.
“Don’t come looking for me again.”
Shen Yuchuan reached out his hand.
“Wanqing…”
“This time.”
She spoke softly.
“Let me go first.”
Her body began turning transparent.
Shen Yuchuan rushed toward her.
“Wait!”
“Don’t!”
“I’m not ready!”
Su Wanqing smiled.
“You’ll never be ready.”
“That’s why it’s called goodbye.”
Light spread from her body.
Shen Yuchuan desperately tried to grab her.
But he caught nothing.
In the end.
All that remained of her was a voice.
“A-Chuan.”
“Live well.”
The light vanished.
The hospital room fell silent again.
Shen Yuchuan stood where he was.
His true self walked over to him.
“It’s time to go back.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I know.”
“Can I stay?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s already gone.”
Shen Yuchuan closed his eyes.
A tear fell.
“Then let’s go back.”
The man held out his hand.
“One last thing.”
“What?”
“Before you return to reality.”
“You have to forget one name.”
Shen Yuchuan froze.
“Whose?”
The man looked at him.
“Your own.”
Shen Yuchuan opened his eyes.
Sunlight poured into the hospital room.
The medical equipment beeped beside him.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
He blinked.
A woman sat beside the bed.
Her eyes were swollen and red.
The moment she saw him open his eyes, she shot to her feet.
“Doctor!”
“He’s awake!”
Shen Yuchuan looked at her.
She was a complete stranger.
“Who are you?”
The woman froze.
Tears immediately spilled down her cheeks.
“I’m your mom.”
Shen Yuchuan frowned.
He tried to say something.
But suddenly stopped.
Mom.
The word felt familiar.
But…
He couldn’t remember her name.
“I…”
He touched his chest.
“What’s my name?”
The woman said through her tears,
“Your name is Shen Yuchuan.”
Shen Yuchuan fell silent.
That name…
Was unfamiliar too.
Like it belonged to someone else.
At the hospital-room door, a nurse walked in.
“Mr. Shen, you’ve been unconscious for thirteen days.”
Shen Yuchuan looked at her.
“Thirteen days?”
“Yes.”
“What’s the date today?”
The nurse glanced at her phone.
“August 21, 2026.”
Shen Yuchuan froze.
August 21.
Thirteen days had passed since the day before he lost consciousness.
“What time is it?”
The nurse looked at the clock on the wall.
“3 A.M.”
Shen Yuchuan looked up.
03:00.
He wasn’t afraid.
He didn’t feel terror.
He simply felt…
As if someone.
Someone incredibly important.
Was drifting farther and farther away from him.
“Did I forget something?”
His mother nodded through her tears.
“You forgot a lot.”
“Can I remember?”
“The doctor said…”
She paused.
“You may never remember.”
Shen Yuchuan lowered his head.
Then suddenly smiled.
“That’s okay.”
“Why?”
“Because I think I promised someone.”
“What?”
Shen Yuchuan gazed out the window.
The city lights were silent and still.
He didn’t know that person’s name.
He didn’t know what she looked like.
He didn’t even know whether she had really existed.
But somewhere in his chest.
A trace of warmth remained.
As if someone had once held his hand.
Then, before leaving.
Had said something to him.
—Live well.
Shen Yuchuan closed his eyes.
“I promised her.”
“I’m going to live well.”
No one answered him in the hospital room.
There was only the clock on the wall.
From 03:00.
It slowly moved toward 03:01.
This time.
The world didn’t lose someone.
But Shen Yuchuan didn’t notice.
On the table beside the bed.
There was a hospital birth certificate.
It read:
Name: Shen Yuchuan
Date of birth: August 17, 2001
Date of death: August 8, 2026
Status: Confirmed deceased
And at the very bottom of the birth certificate.
Another line of black writing had just appeared.
“Welcome back.”
“The first.”
End of Chapter Nine