Have you ever wondered why a question you couldn't solve on an exam stays on your mind for days? If you look at the answer when that question appears again, you'll never get it wrong. Even after the exam is over...
Or why the sentences you couldn't say during an argument keep running through your mind... “I could have said this,” or “Why didn't I say that?”
Or why a show that ends at its most exciting moment forces you to watch the next episode... And why you spend the whole night watching it even though you have to go to work the next day...
One reason for this is a tendency known in psychology as the Zeigarnik effect. Our brains tend to hold on to unfinished tasks longer than completed ones. That's because everything left unfinished still seems like an issue that needs to be resolved.
For this reason, you may be unable to forget an unfinished relationship, an unsent message, a question you couldn't find the answer to, or a task you couldn't finish for a long time. Your mind wants to close what remains incomplete and bring it to a conclusion.
But there's an important distinction here: The Zeigarnik effect doesn't mean that we'll necessarily remember every unfinished task for days. The emotion a task leaves us with, the meaning it carries, and how often we think about it also matter. Sometimes an unfinished matter only keeps our curiosity alive; other times, it increases our anxiety.
That's why sometimes what exhausts you isn't how difficult the task is, but the fact that it's unfinished. You continue a conversation in your mind over and over, write and delete the message you haven't sent again and again, or lose the energy you could have devoted to doing what you need to do because you're busy thinking about it.
In situations like these, taking a small step instead of waiting for the perfect moment can help. If you can't finish a task completely, you can start it; if you can't have a conversation right away, you can write down what you want to say; if you're setting aside a question you couldn't solve, you can set a clear time to return to it later. That way, you show your mind that the matter hasn't been completely forgotten, but it hasn't been left open in an uncontrolled way either.
Second, we always have the chance to turn this unfinishedness into something positive. Instead of carrying it in our brains like anxiety, we can use it as excitement and as an investment in the future. Like deliberately stopping at the part that grips us while reading a book... That way, finishing the book will be easier.
I use this effect most often at work. I make a list—a list of everything I have to do during the day. I never cross anything off the list until I've done it. This both gives me a sense of responsibility for getting those things done and helps keep my mind focused on work. That way, I don't let my thoughts get occupied with other things.
Do you remember the argument I had with my father? My father told me, “If you can't become a doctor, you'll never amount to anything.” That day and for the entire following week, I kept thinking about the answers I hadn't been able to give my father. If I were the person I am now, I would write down what I wanted to say on a piece of paper and throw it into the water. No point in exhausting my brain, right? This is actually one way out of anxiety. (;
Because most of the time, what calms the mind isn't perfection, but the feeling of progress and completion.
Today, you can ask yourself this question:
“What unfinished matter occupies my mind the most, and what is the smallest step I can take today to complete or close it?”
If anything is bothering you, I think we can work it out together. (: With love, Mecnun <3
Note: The Zeigarnik effect is a general psychological tendency; not everyone experiences unfinished events in the same way. If you're experiencing constant anxiety, intense mental preoccupation, or a condition that affects your daily functioning, seeking support from a professional may be helpful.