# Chapter 3
The Things That Are Starting to Show
Raveena didn't contact Gavian for two days after receiving the book.
She didn't touch the novel he'd given her, either.
The book remained on the little table beside the sofa, with the slip of paper still tucked into the first page.
No need to reply.
A short sentence that somehow felt like something deliberately left behind to be read over and over.
Raveena had moved it twice.
First to the bookshelf.
Then back to the table.
In the end, she gave up and left it there.
That morning, while tying her hair in front of the mirror, her phone vibrated.
Not Gavian.
Savia.
Are you coming home to Mom's tonight?
Raveena read it while rubbing moisturizer onto her face.
Why?
The reply came quickly.
Mom cooked a lot. She says she wants us to eat together.
Raveena stopped.
Eating together at her mother's house wasn't a regular thing.
Never had been.
Ever since their father had left home years ago, family dinners had become something that happened only on birthdays or holidays.
On some occasions, Raveena had even deliberately arrived late so she wouldn't have to stay there too long.
She typed:
What's going on?
Nothing.
Raveena raised an eyebrow.
Savia added:
I think.
That was even more suspicious.
What time?
Seven. Don't be late. Mom's going to yell at me later.
Why you?
Because I'm the one she told to invite you.
Raveena snorted.
Typical of her mother.
She never invited them directly if she could use Savia as a go-between.
Raveena put her phone away.
At least tonight she had an excuse not to stop by Three Chairs.
Not that she intended to go.
Of course not.
“What’s wrong?”
Mirel asked before Raveena had even really sat down.
Raveena set down her bag.
“Morning to you, too.”
“Morning. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Mirel studied her face.
“Not enough sleep?”
“A little.”
“Thinking about Gavian?”
Raveena stopped opening her laptop.
“Why does every possibility in my life end with him now?”
“Because your expression is different when it’s about work.”
“Maybe I’m thinking about bills.”
“Your bills aren’t due until the twenty-fifth.”
Raveena turned sharply toward her.
“How do you know that?”
“You complained about it once when your paycheck was late.”
Raveena turned on her computer.
“You pay too much attention to other people’s lives.”
Mirel smiled.
“It’s more fun.”
Raveena didn't answer.
She opened her email and immediately found a message from Reyhan.
The editorial meeting has been moved to ten. We have a potential new client. All editors attend.
She read it twice.
“What kind of client?”
Mirel was already standing behind her shoulder.
“Can you not read other people’s screens?”
“I can. I just don’t want to.”
“A potential new client.”
“Now that’s good.”
Raveena frowned.
“What’s good about it?”
“If the project comes through, our bonus might be less pathetic.”
Raveena nearly laughed.
Mirel went back to her desk.
The morning moved fairly quickly after that.
Raveena managed to bury herself in the manuscript.
There were major revisions.
Notes from the author.
Two emails that needed replies.
And a layout problem that technically wasn't her responsibility, but she ended up handling it anyway because Nadena looked like she was about to give up.
Five minutes before ten, the entire editorial team had gathered in the meeting room.
Reyhan came in last, carrying a tablet.
“Let’s get right to it,” he said.
Everyone sat down.
Reyhan stood beside the screen.
“We’ve got a potential corporate publishing project. It’s still exploratory, so it’s not guaranteed to happen.”
Mirel whispered from beside Raveena, “Don’t tell me it’s another company history book.”
Raveena held back a smile.
Reyhan continued.
“The company wants to produce three publications at once. A company profile, an internal book, and an annual report with a more narrative editorial concept.”
“That’s a lot,” Nadena said.
“Which is why it’ll be worth it if we land it.”
“Who’s the client?” one of the editors asked.
Reyhan tapped the screen.
A company logo appeared.
Senvora Living Group.
Raveena didn't recognize it.
But the next name Reyhan mentioned made her body go rigid.
“For communications strategy and project coordination, they’re working with Karsa & Rekan.”
Mirel immediately turned to her.
Raveena kept looking straight ahead.
Don’t react.
Don’t.
“Their team will be here at eleven,” Reyhan continued. “We’ll discuss the initial scope.”
Mirel lightly nudged Raveena’s elbow.
Raveena didn't turn.
“Rave,” she whispered.
“Shut up.”
“The universe has a sense of humor.”
“Shut up.”
Mirel smiled, satisfied.
Raveena turned her attention back to the screen.
Karsa & Rekan had plenty of consultants.
That didn't mean Gavian would be the one coming.
There was no need to jump to conclusions.
Jantara was a big city.
Big companies.
The odds of running into Gavian might—
“The lead from Karsa is named Gavian Lesmana,” Reyhan said.
Damn it.
Mirel coughed to disguise her laughter.
Raveena wanted to kick her.
At eleven-oh-seven, Gavian entered The Typing Room meeting room.
Raveena had already known he was coming.
Even so, knowing didn't make the moment any easier.
Gavian wore a dark gray shirt, the sleeves neatly buttoned at his wrists. Not like he usually did when he came to Three Chairs.
Today, he looked exactly like someone from an entirely different working world.
More formal.
More distant.
He came with two other people.
A woman named Deyra and a man representing Senvora.
Reyhan stood to welcome them.
Their names and positions were introduced one by one.
Gavian shook hands with almost everyone in the room.
When he reached Raveena, he didn't linger any longer.
“Raveena.”
“Gavian.”
They shook hands.
Briefly.
Formally.
No excessive smiles.
No lingering looks.
Just two professionals who happened to know each other already.
Mirel saw all of it.
Raveena knew without having to look.
The meeting began.
And strangely enough, after ten minutes, the awkwardness disappeared.
Gavian changed completely when he worked.
He spoke clearly and concisely, and almost never repeated the same point.
Deyra added data several times.
The Senvora representative explained their needs.
Raveena took notes.
Every now and then, she offered input on the writing structure and interview process.
Gavian didn't interrupt.
He listened.
When Raveena finished, he only nodded.
“So for the main profile, it’d be more effective to divide the interviews by function rather than position?”
“Yeah,” Raveena answered. “If we organize them by position, the narrative will feel like a report.”
“Makes sense.”
Nothing strange happened.
That was exactly what allowed Raveena to breathe.
Until the Senvora representative stepped out briefly to take a call.
The room relaxed a little.
Deyra opened her laptop again.
Reyhan stood to get coffee.
Mirel suddenly said, “Gavian comes to Karetiga a lot, huh?”
Raveena turned quickly.
Mirel smiled as if she hadn't done anything.
Gavian looked slightly surprised.
“Sometimes.”
“I heard he likes the food.”
Raveena gave Mirel an open warning look.
The woman didn't care at all.
Gavian glanced briefly at Raveena.
“It’s decent.”
“The toast?”
“It’s decent.”
Mirel nodded seriously.
“Even though it’s far from Sagara.”
Raveena cut in.
“Mirel.”
“What?”
“Did you send the file from yesterday?”
Mirel held back a smile.
“Already sent it.”
Fortunately, Deyra started asking about the schedule, and the conversation ended.
But Raveena knew.
Mirel was going to pay dearly for that.
The meeting ended at twelve forty.
The collaboration wasn't official yet, but it was almost certain to move forward.
People began leaving the room.
Raveena deliberately took longer to gather her notes.
She wanted Gavian to leave first.
Deyra had already gone out with Reyhan.
Mirel had also disappeared somewhere.
Raveena slipped her pen into her notebook.
When she looked up, Gavian was still standing by the door.
They looked at each other.
“Why haven’t you left?” Raveena asked.
“I’m waiting for Deyra.”
“Oh.”
Gavian slipped one hand into his pocket.
“How’s the book?”
Raveena stopped.
“Haven’t read it.”
“Why not?”
“Haven’t had time.”
Gavian nodded.
“I thought you were mad and threw it away.”
“I’m not that dramatic.”
“Good.”
Raveena straightened her papers again.
Silence.
Then Gavian said, “I didn’t know the project was with your office.”
“I only found out this morning.”
“If you’re uncomfortable, I can have Deyra handle the editorial coordination.”
Raveena turned to him.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
The words were simple.
But his tone wasn't.
Raveena let out a quiet breath.
“Let’s just work like we normally do.”
“Can we?”
The question made her go quiet.
Gavian didn't sound challenging.
If anything, he sounded too serious.
Raveena looked at him.
“We have to.”
Gavian gave a small smile.
“That’s such a you answer.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Everything always has to be possible.”
Raveena immediately felt defensive.
“Because it has to be.”
“Not always.”
“We’re talking about work.”
“Yeah.”
“But?”
“There is no but.”
Raveena looked at him for several seconds.
Gavian looked away first.
That was rare.
His phone vibrated.
He looked at the screen.
Raveena had no intention of looking at who was calling.
Really, she didn't.
But Gavian immediately locked the screen without answering.
Raveena already knew.
She didn't need proof.
“If Talitha’s calling, answer it.”
Gavian froze slightly.
“How do you know?”
“Because of your face.”
“What about my face?”
“Same as yesterday.”
Gavian fell silent.
Then he looked at his phone screen again.
It wasn't ringing.
Just a message.
“She’s asking about lunch.”
“Then answer her.”
“I know.”
Raveena started walking toward the door.
“Rave.”
She stopped.
Gavian stood behind her.
“Don’t always bring her up every time it’s just the two of us.”
Raveena slowly turned around.
“What?”
Gavian seemed to regret the words as soon as he said them.
But he didn't take them back.
Raveena stared at the man expressionlessly.
“She’s your girlfriend.”
“I know.”
“So why can’t I talk about her?”
“I didn’t say you couldn’t.”
“You just said don’t.”
Gavian briefly rubbed his face.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
Silence.
Gavian looked toward the door.
Then back at Raveena.
“Sometimes I just want to talk to you without every conversation ending with a reminder that I have Talitha.”
Raveena felt something drop inside her chest.
Not because she was surprised.
Because she understood what he meant.
And that was what scared her.
“Gavi.”
“I know it sounds wrong.”
“Because it is wrong.”
Gavian gave a small nod.
He didn't argue.
Raveena lowered her voice.
“If you’re tired of your relationship, work it out with Talitha. Don’t come to me so you can pretend the problem doesn’t exist.”
Gavian’s expression changed.
Not angry.
More like someone who had just been touched on a wound he had deliberately kept covered.
“I’m not using you to escape.”
“Are you sure?”
Gavian didn't answer right away.
Raveena gave him a faint smile.
Not because it was funny.
“That’s exactly the problem.”
She opened the door.
Before she could leave, Gavian said, “I am comfortable with you.”
Raveena stopped again.
Don’t turn around.
She kept facing the corridor.
“I know.”
“And I don’t know what to do about that.”
This time, Raveena turned around.
“Don’t do anything.”
Gavian looked at her.
“It’s that simple?”
“It should be.”
Raveena left.
She didn't see Gavian’s expression afterward.
Mirel was waiting in the break room.
Of course.
Raveena picked up a glass.
“Don’t.”
“I haven’t said anything.”
“Your face.”
“Why does everyone have a problem with my face today?”
Raveena filled the glass with water.
Mirel leaned against the counter.
“Did you two talk?”
“A little.”
“Did you fight?”
“No.”
“You look like you just fought.”
Raveena drank the water.
Mirel waited.
Finally, Raveena said, “He said he’s tired of being reminded about Talitha every time he talks to me.”
Mirel stopped smiling.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s…”
“Don’t say anything.”
“It’s not a good thing.”
“I know.”
Mirel was quiet for a moment.
“What did you say?”
“That if he has a problem with his relationship, he should work it out with Talitha.”
“Good.”
“But he said he’s comfortable with me.”
Mirel drew a slow breath.
Raveena stared at the glass.
“And the worst part, Rel…”
“What?”
“I liked hearing it.”
Honest.
Finally.
Mirel didn't give her advice right away.
For once, she simply stood there.
Raveena let out a humorless little laugh.
“Stupid, right?”
“No.”
“Maybe.”
“Your feelings aren’t the stupid part.”
Raveena looked at her.
Mirel continued, “The stupid part might be what you decide to do afterward.”
Raveena nodded slowly.
She knew.
The problem was, with every passing day, the line between feelings and decisions was starting to feel thinner and thinner.
At six that evening, Raveena left the office.
It hadn't started raining, but the sky over Jantara was already dark.
She walked past Three Chairs without stopping.
Not today.
She had to go to her mother's house.
The trip took almost an hour.
When she arrived at Jalan Kenara, the lights in her mother's house were already on.
The house hadn't changed much.
A short fence.
A narrow porch.
Her mother's potted plants lined the wall.
Savia opened the door before Raveena even had a chance to knock.
“You’re late.”
“It’s five to seven.”
“According to Mom, that’s late.”
“According to Mom, everyone’s late if they don’t arrive half an hour early.”
Savia pulled her inside by the arm.
The smell of soup and stir-fried food filled the living room.
Marleni Dirga was standing beside the dining table.
“You’re here?”
“Yeah.”
“Wash your hands.”
No hug.
No small talk.
Normal.
Raveena did as she was told.
The three of them ate together.
At first, they talked only about work.
Savia talked about her professor.
Her mother complained about rising grocery prices.
Raveena answered as briefly as necessary.
Until Marleni put down her spoon.
“Your father contacted me.”
Raveena’s movement stopped.
Savia immediately lowered her gaze.
So that was the reason.
“When?”
“Two days ago.”
“What does he want?”
“He said he wants to see you girls.”
Raveena gave a small, cold laugh.
“After how many years?”
“Raveena.”
“I’m just asking.”
“He’s still your father.”
The words made something inside Raveena harden.
“His status doesn’t change just because he left, huh?”
Marleni looked at her.
Savia looked uncomfortable.
Raveena immediately regretted putting her sister in the middle.
She set down her spoon.
“I don’t want to see him.”
“I’m not finished.”
“I already know the answer.”
“He’s sick.”
Raveena fell silent.
For several seconds, the whir of the fan was the only sound.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“His heart.”
Her mother’s voice grew quieter.
“She said he was hospitalized briefly last month.”
Raveena lowered her head.
No emotion came right away.
Not sadness.
Not anger.
Just emptiness.
Strange.
She had once imagined so many versions of the day her father came back.
Never one like this.
“When does he want to meet?”
“We don’t know yet.”
Marleni watched her.
“It doesn’t have to be right now.”
Raveena gave a small nod.
Savia touched her sister’s arm beneath the table.
Raveena didn't pull away.
After dinner, Raveena went out onto the porch.
The night air was colder.
She sat in the plastic chair that had been there since her school days.
Her phone was in her hand.
She opened her contacts.
She didn't know why.
Her thumb stopped over Gavian’s name.
She wanted to tell him about it.
The thought appeared out of nowhere.
Not Mirel.
Not Savia.
Gavian.
The realization made Raveena lock her screen.
She stared at the street.
Five minutes later, the screen lit up with an incoming message.
The same name.
Sorry about earlier. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.
Raveena read it.
Then:
I won’t bring it up again.
She should have left it alone.
She really should have.
But that night, after years of telling herself she didn't need an explanation from the father who had left, Raveena suddenly felt tired of being the person who kept everything to herself.
She typed:
My father wants to see me.
Three dots appeared almost immediately.
Are you okay?
A simple question.
No why?
No excessive curiosity.
Just:
Are you okay?
Raveena stared at the screen.
I don’t know.
Gavian replied:
Want to talk about it?
Raveena pressed her lips together.
She looked into the house.
Savia was helping their mother carry the plates.
Then she looked back at the screen.
He left when I was in high school. Now he says he’s sick and wants to see me.
Gavian’s reply didn't come immediately.
Maybe he was thinking.
Then:
You don’t have to know right away how you’re supposed to feel.
Raveena went still.
There was something about that sentence.
It didn't pressure her.
It didn't offer advice.
It didn't ask Raveena to forgive anyone.
Another message came in.
If you’re angry, be angry. If you don’t feel anything, that’s okay too.
Raveena’s eyes burned.
She hated that.
She quickly wiped her face.
I just don’t understand why people always come back after everything is already broken.
This time, Gavian took longer to reply.
Maybe some people only realize something matters after they’ve lost access to it.
Raveena read it once.
Then again.
There was another meaning inside the sentence.
Or maybe she was being too sensitive.
She chose not to ask.
Where are you?
The message was sent before she had time to think.
Gavian replied:
In the car. Just left the office.
Talitha?
A long pause.
Then:
At her mother’s house.
Raveena let out a breath.
See?
Even now.
That name was still there.
It was supposed to be.
She typed:
Just go home. Don’t text while you’re driving.
I’m parked.
Why?
The answer came:
Because you told me.
Raveena closed her eyes.
Damn it.
Gavian really knew how to make ordinary things feel extraordinary.
She typed:
Don’t make everything harder.
Gavian didn't answer for nearly a minute.
Then:
I’m trying too.
Raveena stared at the sentence.
There was nothing to ask.
They both knew.
They also both still lacked the courage to name what they were trying to avoid.
When Raveena got home, it was almost ten.
She opened the door to her apartment.
Turned on the lights.
Set down her bag.
The book from Gavian was still on the table.
For the first time, Raveena picked it up.
She sat on the sofa.
Opened the first page.
Read one page.
Then two.
Then three.
Her mind wasn't really taking in the story.
She kept thinking about their conversation.
Because you told me.
Raveena closed the book again.
Her phone vibrated.
A message from an unsaved number.
Hey. This is Talitha. I got your number from Gavian back when we discussed a book project. Hope that’s okay.
Raveena’s body went rigid.
A second message appeared.
Are you free to grab coffee tomorrow?
Raveena didn't move.
She stared at the screen until it dimmed.
Talitha.
Asking to meet her.
Without Gavian.
Raveena’s heart beat harder.
One part of her immediately thought that Talitha knew.
Another part told her not to jump to conclusions.
Maybe she just wanted to stop by the bookstore.
Maybe it was about work.
Maybe she really only wanted to talk.
Then a third message came in.
There’s something about Gavi I want to ask you about in person.
Raveena froze.
The room suddenly felt too quiet.
The book in her lap slowly closed by itself.
And for the first time since it had all begun, Raveena realized a truth they had been too busy avoiding all this time.
Whatever was growing between her and Gavian might not have a name yet.
But that didn't mean other people couldn't see it.