“Take care of her, Sha.”
I released Raya’s hand and handed it over to Aesha. As luck would have it, she was one of the administrators at the daycare, which also served as a preschool. I handed Aesha Raya’s little bag of food, boxed milk, and picture books too.
“Where’s Sis Tari?” Aesha asked as she took the bag I held out to her.
“She went out of town,” I replied curtly.
I didn’t want to talk about our argument last night, or about Sis Mentari knowing that Jagad and I worked at the same office. Sis Tari refusing to admit it had put me in a slightly terrible mood.
Aesha seemed to notice my gloomy expression too. She didn’t ask many questions, even though I knew her mind was filled with curiosity. I didn’t even say goodbye to Raya or give her a few parting words. All I knew was that Aesha shook her head at my behavior.
I twisted the throttle, leaving behind the two-story building painted in bright, childlike colors. I didn’t waste time looking into Raya’s eyes either. I was afraid the kid would get clingy and ask to come with me. As long as Jagad was at my office, I wasn’t going to bring Raya there.
“Oh my God, you just got here and your face is already all scrunched up, Ta. Still single?” Askana’s shrill voice greeted me as soon as I entered the room. She and Mala giggled when they saw me scrunch my face up even more.
“Did you hear there’s a new GM?” Mala asked, walking toward my desk. “He’s handsome, Ta. Looks like he’s still single, too. There’s no ring on his finger.”
“Do married men have to wear wedding rings, too?” I asked, irritably.
Because back when we were married, I was the only one who wore a wedding ring. It wasn’t anything personal; Jagad’s finances had been so tight at the time that he could only afford one ring. Our wedding had been very simple: we got married at the KUA, then had a family meal.
There was nothing special about it because his parents didn’t want to spend any money on our wedding.
‘You’re the ones who decided to get married young, so you’re also the ones responsible for your own decision.’
That was what my late father-in-law had said back then. He had also opposed our marriage because he felt Jagad and I were still too young to start a household. Besides our finances, our emotions were still unstable too.
As it turned out, their worries had been justified, and now I was the one regretting ever getting married. I should’ve prepared myself mentally and learned more first before making that decision, instead of doing it just because of FOMO over everyone getting married young and turning their lovey-dovey moments into content, leaving all the singles grinning.
“Not necessarily. But I think he really is single.” Askana handed me several files.
“What’s this?” I asked, lifting the green folder from Askana.
“That’s the paperwork Mr. Jagad asked for. My stomach hurts, so please give it to him, okay?” After that, Askana immediately took off, leaving me standing there, still staring blankly at the files in my hands.
I glanced at Mala for help, but the girl only shrugged indifferently. Good grief, did I really have to run into my ex first thing in the morning?
I took a deep breath, then slowly let it out. My hand rose and knocked on the door. “Excuse me, sir.”
There was no answer. I pressed my ear to the door, searching for any sign of life inside. I just wanted to make sure whether Jagad was in his office or not.
“Esta? What are you doing?”
I jumped in surprise, rubbing my chest before glaring at him. A crease appeared between Jagad’s brows, as if he were wondering what he’d done wrong. I cleared my throat, then held out the folder in my hand.
“From Askana,” I said, then immediately ran away from Jagad.
Ever since Jagad showed up at the office, I couldn’t be my usual Semesta. I had to maintain my image in front of that man. I had to look graceful and mature.
I did it deliberately so Jagad wouldn’t judge me as childish anymore, like he used to. I remembered how, whenever I got mad at him, he’d say I was acting like a little kid.
‘We’re twenty years old, Ta. Can’t you learn to be a little more mature? You can’t even handle something like this!’
‘What the hell, Ta! I work in sales, so of course some of my coworkers are women! Don’t be childish, okay!’
There had been plenty of other words that hurt me badly. How could I not be jealous? He’d ridden on the back of his coworker’s motorcycle, supposedly to hand out brochures. But did she really have to hold on around his stomach?
And my suspicions had turned out to be true. Maybe Jagad really hadn’t realized that his friend had feelings for him, but as a fellow woman, I could clearly sense it. She’d called him late at night to vent about breaking up with her boyfriend.
Okay, I was jealous.
But once again, Jagad said I was jealous for no reason. When I threatened to go back to Sis Tari’s house, he got mad at me instead.
‘Can you stop running away every time you get upset? We’re grown-ups! We’re married. Don’t air our dirty laundry to your sister!’
Oh, so he’d only just realized he was married to me. In reality, he was too busy with his friends and his phone. He used to say I was his priority, but after we got married, everything changed.
I wasn’t his first priority anymore.
I slowly shook my head, climbed onto my motorcycle, and let out a long breath before heading toward Aesha’s daycare. Of course I had to pick up Raya. If only I didn’t remember that she… I shook my head, trying to drive the bad thoughts from my mind.
‘Raya’s a well-behaved kid, Ta.’
‘Raya looks so much like you.’
‘Ta, Sis Tari has to go out of town for work. Watch Raya for a bit, okay?’
Ah, Raya. That little girl had almost robbed me of my youth.
It took me half an hour to reach the daycare. I parked my motorcycle a little distance from the entrance because there were lots of vehicles belonging to other parents picking up their children. I walked toward the entrance carrying a sponge cake from a fairly famous bakery in Bandung.
I’d bought it specifically for Aesha as a thank-you for agreeing to watch Raya for free. My steps stopped just before I entered the daycare gate. I narrowed my eyes, trying to convince myself I wasn’t seeing things.
“Jagad? What’s he doing here?”