“You’re on birth control, right, Ta? Don’t get pregnant yet. Poor Jagad would have it rough later.”
“Yeah, Mom. I’ll tell Jagad later.”
“This is for your sake, too. You’re both still in college, and you’ll only make things difficult for yourselves. Who’s going to take care of your child if you’re both busy? Mom’s old now. I want to focus on worship.”
“We can hire a babysitter, Mom.”
“Who’s going to pay for that, Esta? Jagad’s job isn’t exactly stable yet. Besides, you two are so stubborn whenever anyone tells you anything. Mom already told you to be patient until you both graduate. If you go through with this, you and Jagad are the ones who’ll have to deal with the hassle.”
I still remembered that conversation with my mother-in-law several years ago. Jagad’s presence at the daycare seemed to disprove everything my coworkers had said about him not being married. There was no way that man had come here without a clear purpose.
Was he here to pick up his child from his new wife, or his niece or nephew?
I shook my head, trying to push Jagad’s name from my thoughts. Ever since we’d met again, my brain had short-circuited, my heart had been restless, and it had been pounding wildly. Maybe it was because I’d been reminded of our past, which had ended so badly.
After making sure Jagad had left the daycare in his car, I hurried inside to see Aesha. Apparently, the girl was joking around with her friends. I knocked on the door, and Aesha and several of her friends turned to look.
The girl gave me a small smile. As usual, Aesha’s face and smile were incredibly soothing. Sometimes I envied her mature, graceful personality. Everything she said was comforting, and her voice was as soft as silk.
I sincerely hoped Aesha would end up with the right man and never go through what I had.
“You just got here, Ta? Raya’s been asking about you,” Aesha said, pulling me inside.
I held out the paper bag of pastries I’d brought for her. Aesha looked surprised, then gazed at me sadly with a faint smile. “What’s this? You really didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”
“It’s no big deal. Think of it as a thank-you for taking care of Raya.”
“I’m not only taking care of Raya, Ta. There are plenty of other kids, too. But thanks. My friends will definitely be happy to get some treats from you.”
I nodded, then looked around for Raya. As if she understood what I was looking for, Aesha pulled me toward a room that looked like a bedroom for children. Raya was playing by herself inside because several of her friends had already been picked up by their parents.
“Raya’s such a good girl, Ta. Out of all the kids, she’s the calmest. She never throws tantrums,” Aesha said in amazement.
I smiled bitterly. Everyone found Raya easy to love, but I didn’t.
“Raya!” Aesha called out to the little girl.
Raya lifted her head, then jumped out of her chair when she saw me.
“Auntie!” Raya cried, hugging both my long legs.
I didn’t hug her back. Instead, I moved her little body away from me. Aesha looked puzzled as she watched us interact. I forced a bitter smile, then walked away from Raya and Aesha to gather Raya’s things.
“Ta, why are you acting like that toward Raya?”
Right?
I’d already expected her to ask, so I pretended not to hear. I also had plenty of questions for my friend about Jagad’s arrival here. Maybe Aesha knew why he’d come. But I changed my mind and swallowed the questions, choosing to keep them to myself.
I didn’t need to be that nosy about my ex-husband’s private life. That would only mean reopening an old wound I was still trying to heal.
“It’s nothing, Sha. I’m in a hurry to go home, so I need to finish putting away her toys. It’s okay if I leave Raya here again tomorrow, right?”
Aesha nodded slowly. “It’s fine. I think Raya should come here more often, Ta. She needs to socialize with the other kids.” Her words made me glance at Raya from the corner of my eye.
Raya really was too quiet for a toddler her age. She should still have enjoyed crying, whining, and throwing tantrums. But Raya didn’t. She preferred playing outside. She never asked for snacks or toys whenever Mbak Mentari took her out.
I thought that was a good thing, since so many parents were driven crazy by their toddlers’ behavior.
“Is that really a problem?”
“I’m afraid she might grow up to be an introvert, Ta. It’d be a shame if she couldn’t fit in with the people around her.”
I let out a long sigh, then nodded. That would be better. Raya couldn’t get close to strangers too quickly, especially not that man.
After chatting for a while, I said goodbye. Raya was tired, too, yawning several times. I faintly heard some of Aesha’s friends talking.
I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but their voices were as loud as a mosque loudspeaker, carrying in every direction.
“Masyaallah, Aesha’s future husband is so handsome. They’re both gorgeous, so their kids are bound to be good-looking.”
Was Aesha’s future husband here earlier? I wondered silently.
“That’s what it means to be well-matched. When looking for a spouse, you have to consider four things: religion, lineage, wealth, and family. They’re a perfect match. God willing, they’ll be soulmates in this world and the hereafter.”
I decided to leave immediately because Aesha had come over to reprimand them. Honestly, I was curious about who that lucky man was, too. I envied Aesha, whose fate had been luckier than mine.
She was getting married at a mature age, with the necessary knowledge prepared well in advance. Unlike me, who had rushed into marriage because of worldly lust.
I looked at Raya as she tugged on my hand, signaling that she wanted to go home. I took her outside the daycare and toward the parking lot.
“Are you hungry, Ray? Let’s get something to eat first, okay?”
The child simply nodded obediently, as usual. I lifted Raya onto the motorcycle, then made sure to fasten her safety strap so that she wouldn’t wobble and fall if she got sleepy later.
I had just reached for the ignition when someone approached me. When we were only six feet apart, he was also startled to see me. My body tensed, my hands turned clammy, and my stomach twisted.
“Esta? What are you doing here?” he asked, then turned sideways to glance at Raya sitting behind me. “Who… is she?”