Xu Weiran didn't truly realize something was wrong until three days later. Or, more accurately, he had noticed it from the very first day. The changes were simply too small. So small that no one would have noticed them if they hadn't been living with Dong Enze for six years.
Breakfast still appeared on the dining table. Xu Weiran got up late in the morning, and usually by the time he walked out of his room, Dong Enze had either already been getting ready to leave or was standing by the entryway putting on his shoes. Two breakfasts still sat on the table: toast, eggs, or occasionally bread bought the day before. Beside them would be a cup of milk filled only halfway. Because Xu Weiran didn't like drinking it. If Dong Enze poured too much, it would definitely be left over. The refrigerator still had sticky notes Dong Enze had left behind.
“There's rice in the fridge.” “The milk's about to expire. Drink it first.” “I took out the trash.” “It's getting colder tonight. Wear a jacket when you go out.”
The handwriting was still just as careless. Sometimes Dong Enze wrote so quickly that even Xu Weiran had to stare at it for two seconds before recognizing the words. When the trash bag was full, Dong Enze still took it downstairs on his way out. When the shampoo in the bathroom was almost gone, he remembered to replace it. If Xu Weiran worked too late and forgot to do the laundry, there would still be several of his clothes hanging on the drying rack the next day. Even before leaving the house, that person would still stand by the entryway and call toward his room.
“Weiran, I'm heading out.”
If Xu Weiran was working, he usually answered with only an “Mm-hmm.” Then the door would close. The apartment would grow quiet again. There was no difference from usual. At least, that was what Xu Weiran thought at first.
It was just that on the first night, Dong Enze came home a little late. The next day, he came home a little later. By the third day, Xu Weiran finally realized— Dong Enze hadn't appeared at home during dinnertime for three whole days. — Monday. 12:40 a.m. A very soft sound came from the entryway as the door opened. Xu Weiran had just finished revising a section of music arrangement. He'd been wearing his headphones for nearly three hours, and his ears were beginning to ache. He took them off and set them on the desk, then rubbed the bridge of his nose. Once the apartment fell quiet, the sounds from the entryway became especially clear.
Keys were set on the cabinet. Shoe soles crossed the floor. Then came a very soft voice. “I'm home.”
Xu Weiran glanced instinctively at the time in the lower-right corner. 12:40. He frowned slightly. Rehearsal at the dance company could certainly run late, but Dong Enze clearly didn't have any official performances recently. “You're home this late?” His voice carried from the living room.
The entryway went quiet for a moment. Dong Enze apparently hadn't expected him to still be awake. A few seconds later, half his body appeared.
“You're not asleep yet?” “Mm-hmm.” Xu Weiran leaned against the back of his chair. “Just finished.”
Dong Enze went, “Oh.” He was wearing an oversized black hoodie, its hood pulling his hair into slight disarray. He still had the bag he usually took to the dance company slung over one shoulder. He looked no different from usual.
“You're home this late?” Xu Weiran asked again.
“Working on the choreography.” Dong Enze smiled. “There was one section we couldn't get right, so everyone stayed to practice a little longer.”
“Mm-hmm.” Reasonable. Xu Weiran didn't think much of it.
“Did you eat?” “I did.” “Oh.”
The conversation ended.
Dong Enze stood where he was. Xu Weiran turned his attention back to the computer.
If this had been before, Dong Enze would probably have come over by now. He might have leaned over the back of the chair from behind and asked, “What are you working on?” Even though he couldn't understand it at all. Sometimes Xu Weiran would complain that he was heavy and tell him to get down. Dong Enze would answer with complete justification. “I danced for six hours today. I'm exhausted. Let me lean on you for a minute.” If not, he would open the refrigerator. “Weiran, want something to eat?” “No.” “But I want to eat.” “Then eat.” “It's boring eating alone.” In the end, the two of them would still wind up sitting in the living room eating a late-night snack.
But not today.
Dong Enze stood there for a few seconds before taking the backpack off his shoulder. “Go to bed early, then.”
Xu Weiran made a noise of acknowledgment.
“You too.” “Got it.”
The bedroom door closed soon after. Xu Weiran didn't look up. His fingers returned to the keyboard. After a while, water began running in the bathroom. Only then did he inexplicably pause. He didn't know why. It just felt like something was missing. But that thought lasted less than a few seconds before work pushed it back down. — Tuesday. 1:15 a.m. Xu Weiran was still working. He'd recently taken on a film scoring project. The client had made a last-minute change to one scene, which meant the score they had already approved had to be adjusted as well. He was used to this sort of thing. Still, after listening to the same piece of music for nearly two hours straight, it was bound to get irritating. He took off his headphones and was just about to get a glass of water when the electronic lock at the entryway beeped as it unlocked. Xu Weiran stopped. 1:15. This late again?
The door opened. Dong Enze walked in. He was visibly more disheveled than the night before. His bangs were damp with sweat, and he'd only thrown a jacket over his practice clothes. In one hand, he carried a convenience-store plastic bag.
“Not asleep yet?” Dong Enze asked, surprised to see him.
“Almost.” Xu Weiran answered, his gaze lingering on him for a moment. “You just finished practicing?”
“Mm-hmm.” Dong Enze lowered his head to change shoes. “Ran later today.”
Another perfectly reasonable answer. Xu Weiran didn't ask anything else. He went to the kitchen for water, and Dong Enze followed him. The plastic bag landed on the kitchen counter. Inside were several bottles of water, a sandwich, and the milk Xu Weiran usually drank. Dong Enze took out a bottle of warm milk and set it directly in front of him. “Drink it.”
Xu Weiran glanced at it.
“I don't want it.” “Did you drink a lot of coffee again today?” “Two cups.” “More like three.”
Xu Weiran looked up.
“How do you know?”
Dong Enze pointed at the trash can. Three coffee cups. The evidence was conclusive.
Xu Weiran fell silent. Dong Enze laughed.
“So drink the milk.” “What does coffee have to do with milk?” “No idea.” “…” “Just drink it.”
Xu Weiran couldn't be bothered to argue. He picked up the milk. “Got it.”
Dong Enze nodded in satisfaction.
“Don't leave it until it's cold.” “Mm-hmm.” “Seriously, drink it.” “Dong Enze.” “What?” “You're so noisy.”
Dong Enze burst out laughing. That smile was exactly the same as usual. His eyes curved. He looked completely normal.
“Okay, okay.” He carried the bag toward his room. “I’m going to shower.”
“Mm-hmm.”
Xu Weiran stood in the kitchen, still holding the warm bottle of milk. He watched Dong Enze's back disappear down the hall. Only after a while did he lower his head. A little condensation had gathered on the surface of the bottle. It was the brand he habitually drank. Dong Enze even remembered not to buy one that was too sweet. Everything was just as usual. So Xu Weiran had no reason to feel that anything was wrong. — Wednesday. 2:00 a.m. The living-room light was still on. Xu Weiran had only meant to sit on the couch and rest for ten minutes. Somehow, he fell asleep. His laptop was still open. The music-arrangement software was frozen on the same page. His headphones had fallen onto the rug. The blanket that had originally covered his legs had slipped halfway onto the floor. When a sound came from the entryway, he didn't wake at all.
Dong Enze entered quietly. Today, he didn't say, “I'm home.” He had immediately seen the person asleep on the couch. Only one floor lamp was on in the living room. Its dim yellow light fell across Xu Weiran's profile. His brow was still faintly furrowed, as if even in sleep he hadn't fully pulled himself away from work. Dong Enze stood in the entryway and watched him for a while. The fatigue in his eyes suddenly softened.
“…You never go back to your room to sleep.”
His voice was very quiet. It sounded like a complaint. Or like something he'd long since grown used to. For six years, it had always been like this. Whenever Xu Weiran worked, he easily lost track of time. It had been especially bad during the first few years after they met. Back then, Xu Weiran was still a senior in college. He had classes during the day and freelance jobs at night, and often sat working in the living room until three or four in the morning. Dong Enze had been busy too. After rehearsal at the dance company, he also worked part-time teaching students. They both came home late.
Once, he returned at two in the morning and found Xu Weiran asleep with his face on the dining table. Beside him was a convenience-store rice ball with half of it eaten. Dong Enze had slapped him awake right then.
“Xu Weiran.” “…Mm?” “Go sleep in your room.” “No.” “Your neck's going to snap tomorrow.” “It won't.”
And then Xu Weiran really did wake up with a stiff neck the next day. Dong Enze laughed about it for three full days. After that, whenever he saw Xu Weiran asleep outside his room, he would wake him.
“Weiran, go sleep in your room.” “Get up.” “If you're going to sleep, go to bed.”
Sometimes Xu Weiran wouldn't budge. Dong Enze would even turn on all the lights. Xu Weiran would be driven so crazy that he could only get up with a sour expression.
But today, Dong Enze only stood there and watched. He didn't call out. He set down his bag gently, then crouched beside the couch. He picked up the blanket from the floor. Carefully, he covered Xu Weiran with it again. His movements were very light. He even deliberately avoided touching him. As if he was afraid of waking him. Or as if… he suddenly felt he shouldn't touch him so casually anymore.
Dong Enze lowered his head and looked at the sleeping man. For a long time. The heaviness he'd been suppressing these past few days slowly rose in his chest again. This person wouldn't be living here in the future. Would that mean no one would discover him asleep on the couch in the middle of the night? Or would there be someone else? A new roommate, perhaps. Or maybe… a lover.
Dong Enze's gaze darkened slightly. He didn't like that image. He really didn't. But he also knew he had no right to stop it. Xu Weiran was already twenty-eight. They had lived together for six years. That didn't mean they had to live together forever. If Xu Weiran fell in love one day, got married, and wanted to build a home with his true partner… that would be normal.
As for himself—
He was only a roommate who happened to share a stretch of someone's life. Dong Enze pressed his lips together. He pulled the blanket a little higher over Xu Weiran and was just about to stand when the person on the couch suddenly moved.
“…Mm.”
Dong Enze froze.
Xu Weiran opened his eyes groggily. His vision was unfocused at first. After several seconds, he finally made out the person crouching beside him.
“…You're back?”
“Mm-hmm.” Dong Enze smiled. “Did I wake you?”
“No.” Xu Weiran's voice was hoarse. He raised a hand and rubbed his eyes. “What time is it?”
“Two.”
Xu Weiran's brow immediately furrowed. “You've been busy lately?”
“A little.” “Every day this late?” “Only these past few days.” Dong Enze was still smiling. “Some things need to be rearranged.”
Xu Weiran leaned against the couch. The sleepiness hadn't completely faded, but he still said, “Don't wear yourself out.”
Dong Enze paused. Only for a moment. Then he smiled again. “Got it.”
A few short lines of conversation. Then silence again. Dong Enze crouched beside the couch. Xu Weiran looked at him. The distance between them was familiar, really. They used to talk like this all the time. One sitting, the other dropping straight onto the rug.
Sometimes they talked about work. Sometimes about things at the dance company. Sometimes there was nothing important to talk about at all. Dong Enze could spend ten minutes complaining about how awful lunch had been, or grumble to him about a student who couldn't tell left from right.
Xu Weiran usually only listened. Every now and then, he answered with a single sentence. But Dong Enze could keep talking anyway. Before, he would certainly have sat down now and chatted with Xu Weiran about what had happened that day. They might talk until three. He might suddenly say he was hungry, and the two of them would order a late-night snack together. They might even turn on a movie for no particular reason, then both fall asleep halfway through it. But today, Dong Enze suddenly didn't know what else he could say.
Or rather—
It wasn't that he had nothing to say. There was just one thing he wanted to ask too badly. Badly enough that if he stayed any longer, he was afraid he really wouldn't be able to hold it in. —Are you moving out? —When? —Have you found a place? —Will you still come back after that? —What about me? Those last two words were the most terrifying.
What about me?
Would Dong Enze still exist in Xu Weiran's future? He didn't have the courage to ask. So he could only swallow all of it back down.
Dong Enze stood. “I'm going to shower.”
Xu Weiran looked at him. “Mm-hmm.”
The bathroom door closed. Water began running soon after. Xu Weiran sat on the couch, but he didn't lie back down. He stared toward the bathroom. For a long time. Strange. It was really strange. Dong Enze hadn't done anything. Yet Xu Weiran felt that something was wrong. He looked down at the blanket over him. Suddenly, he remembered the past. If Dong Enze saw him asleep on the couch, he definitely wouldn't cover him with a blanket. He would wake him up immediately. Once, he had even turned on the stereo. Xu Weiran had nearly thrown a throw pillow in his face right then. Why hadn't he woken him today? Xu Weiran's brow slowly tightened. He thought about it for a while. There was no answer. In the end, he could only conclude— maybe Dong Enze really was too tired. — Life remained orderly for the next week. But Dong Enze spent less and less time at home. Before, whenever neither of them had work, they would spend practically the entire day curled up in the living room. Xu Weiran made music. Dong Enze studied choreography. The living room was pitifully small, so they constantly got in each other's way.
Xu Weiran had always thought it was noisy, especially when he needed to concentrate. He had even seriously considered making sure his next place had a private studio. Close the door, and the world would be quiet. That was why he wanted to move. His income had long since been enough, and there was no reason for the two of them to keep squeezing into the small apartment they'd rented to save money in their early twenties. He wanted to find somewhere bigger. Preferably with a yard. Dong Enze could practice at home. The living room had to be large enough. The kitchen couldn't be too small either, because Dong Enze loved spreading everything out when he cooked. There also needed to be a room that could be turned into a dance studio. Mirrors on the walls. The floor couldn't be too hard. The soundproofing had to be good. That way, Dong Enze wouldn't have to move the coffee table every time he wanted to try out a move.
Xu Weiran had already quietly looked at quite a few places. He just hadn't liked any of them. He had never considered that Dong Enze would interpret “I want to move” as meaning something else. Because in Xu Weiran's mind, moving together wasn't a premise that needed to be explained. They had moved in together six years ago. Of course they would move out together six years later. What was there to ask? So he never realized that after that day, all of Dong Enze's changes came from that unspoken misunderstanding. — Friday morning. Xu Weiran got up at 8:30. The living room was already empty. Breakfast sat on the table. The egg was still warm. Beside it was a note.
“Early rehearsal today. I left first.”
Xu Weiran sat down. He glanced at the empty chair across from him. Hadn't early rehearsal never started this early before?
He picked up his phone. He wanted to send a message. His fingers stopped over the chat window. “What time will you be home?” He typed it out. Looked at it for two seconds. Then deleted it. Why did he need to ask? There was nothing unusual about what time Dong Enze came home from work.
Xu Weiran set down his phone. He lowered his head and ate breakfast. After a few bites, he suddenly lost his appetite. The chair across from him was empty. It was very quiet. He had always liked quiet. But now, for some reason… it felt too quiet. — That afternoon, Xu Weiran finished work early for once. He got home a little after three.
No one was home when he opened the door. He changed his shoes, set down his bag, and sat in the living room for half an hour. Then he suddenly had no idea what to do. Work was finished. He didn't feel like watching a movie. He wasn't interested in playing a game either. In the end, he simply opened the refrigerator. It was packed neatly with ingredients. The vegetables were on one shelf. The meat had been portioned separately. Every container was labeled with a date. On the right were several boxes of side dishes Dong Enze had bought a few days before. A yellow sticky note was attached to the refrigerator door.
—The milk's almost gone. I'll buy more tomorrow.
Xu Weiran looked at the words. He couldn't help smiling. “You idiot.” He was busy until midnight every day, and he still remembered the milk. Xu Weiran raised a hand. He'd intended to tear off the sticky note, but in the end he didn't. He only pressed down one corner that had curled up.
The refrigerator door closed. His smile slowly faded too. The refrigerator was full. Nothing was missing from the apartment. But the place was quiet. A little too quiet.
Xu Weiran stood in the living room. For the first time, he truly realized— Dong Enze hadn't danced here in a long time. Not an actual routine. Just the annoying way he used to suddenly move a couple of times whenever he heard music. Xu Weiran had complained that it was noisy. Now that it was gone, he noticed. — At eleven that night, Xu Weiran happened not to be working. He sat on the couch. The television was playing a movie he had no idea how many times it had been shown. It was one Dong Enze had once said was good. Xu Weiran wasn't actually interested. He had only clicked on it at random.
Twenty minutes into the movie, he had no idea what was happening. His eyes kept drifting unconsciously toward the entryway. 11:20. Dong Enze wasn't home. No message on his phone. 11:40. Still nothing. Xu Weiran began to frown. Midnight. At last, the electronic lock beeped.
In that instant, he didn't even notice that his shoulders, which had been tense the whole time, relaxed slightly. The door opened.
“I'm home—”
That familiar voice. The vague unease in Xu Weiran's heart finally seemed to settle.
“Late again today?”
Dong Enze lowered his head to take off his shoes. “Mm-hmm.” “There was more going on than usual.”
The same answer again. A lot going on. Choreography. Work. Perfectly reasonable.
So reasonable that Xu Weiran couldn't find a single problem with it. And yet he still felt that something was wrong.
Dong Enze finished changing his shoes and froze when he saw the television. “You're watching this?”
“Mm-hmm.” “Didn't you say you weren't interested?” “Nothing else was on.” “Is it good?” “Don't know.” “Huh?”
Xu Weiran remained perfectly calm. “I'm not watching it.”
Dong Enze burst out laughing. “Then why'd you turn it on?”
“To make it less quiet.”
After the words left his mouth, both of them paused for a moment. Dong Enze looked at him.
Xu Weiran himself was startled. Less quiet. When had he started finding the apartment too quiet?
Dong Enze didn't ask anything else. He only smiled. “I’m going to shower first.”
“Mm-hmm.”
Twenty minutes later, Dong Enze came out of the shower. Instead of dropping onto the couch as he used to, he carried his laptop to the dining table and sat down.
Xu Weiran watched him for a while, then got up and walked over. “You still have work?”
“Mm-hmm.” Dong Enze opened the computer. “I need to organize what we recorded today.”
“You don't need to sleep?” “Later.”
Xu Weiran stood beside him. He didn't leave. Dong Enze seemed a little thinner. Though that might only have been an illusion. His dark circles were definitely heavier, though. The person who used to pester him to eat a late-night snack together had recently stopped mentioning food altogether.
Xu Weiran frowned.
“Enze.” “Mm?” “You've been…”
He stopped halfway through.
Dong Enze looked up at him. “What is it?”
Xu Weiran suddenly didn't know how to ask. Why have you been staying away from home so much lately? That sounded strange. This was Dong Enze's home. He could come back whenever he wanted. Are you avoiding me? That was even stranger. Why would he avoid him?
In the end, all he said was, “Are you too tired?”
Dong Enze looked at him. His eyes quickly curved into a smile again.
“No, not really.” “Really?” “Really.”
He smiled and ruffled his own hair. “I've just been busier lately.”
Xu Weiran looked at him for several seconds. In the end, he nodded. “Go to bed early.”
“Okay.”
Xu Weiran turned and went back to his room. The sound of the door closing was very soft. A few seconds later, Dong Enze slowly stopped moving at the dining table. The smile on his face disappeared bit by bit.
He lowered his head. The laptop screen was completely black. There was no rehearsal video from today. There was no work to organize. In fact— there hadn't been any choreography practice today at all.
He had left the dance company at six that evening. He just hadn't gone home. At first, he went out to eat. Alone. He sat in a restaurant he rarely visited before and slowly ate for more than an hour. When he finished, it was only eight. He went to a convenience store again, buying things he didn't need. At nine, it was still too early. In the end, he simply got in his car. He had no destination. He drove in circles along the city's roads.
He stopped at red lights. He moved forward at green ones.
When he passed familiar intersections, he even deliberately detoured away from the route home. He didn't know why he didn't want to go home. It wasn't because he hated the place. Quite the opposite. He loved it too much. Too much. So the moment he stepped inside, he would think about how all of this might soon be gone.
Was Xu Weiran already looking at apartments? Had he already found one he liked? When would he move? A month? Two months? When the lease expired? Or sooner? How many rooms would the new place have?
His music equipment would be moved there. That keyboard too. The black speakers. The work desk. His books. His clothes. His shoes. His cups. The things in this apartment that belonged to Xu Weiran would disappear bit by bit.
Leaving Dong Enze alone.
He wasn't even sure whether he would keep living here. A two-bedroom apartment was too big for one person. And too expensive. Maybe he would move too.
Somewhere a little closer to the dance company. Then their lives would truly separate. In the future, they'd have to schedule time to meet. They'd have to ask whether the other was free before eating together. He couldn't knock on the door at two in the morning. He couldn't simply push it open. He couldn't casually buy the other person's usual milk. He couldn't call out to wake him every morning. He couldn't say “I'm home” to the same person anymore.
The mere thought of it made Dong Enze's chest ache. He lowered his head and covered his face with both hands for a moment. Pathetic. He knew it. Having a crush was a choice he'd made himself. Xu Weiran had done nothing wrong. He didn't even know. He had no obligation to maintain their current life forever just because Dong Enze loved him. So Dong Enze thought, maybe he should get used to it early.
See him less. Spend less time together. Stop relying on him so much. When the day they really moved came, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much.
He just hadn't expected that practicing losing someone would be more exhausting than truly losing them. — Xu Weiran lay in bed. He wasn't asleep. He stared at the pitch-black ceiling. There wasn't a sound outside his room. After a long time, he finally heard Dong Enze shut off his laptop. The chair scraped back. Footsteps passed through the hall. The bedroom door closed. Then everything went completely quiet.
Xu Weiran turned over. Closed his eyes. Five minutes passed. He opened them. Then turned over again. He didn't usually suffer from insomnia. When he was tired, he slept. When he couldn't sleep, he worked. He didn't have many complicated emotions. But tonight, he was inexplicably restless.
The scene from earlier kept repeating in his mind. Dong Enze sitting at the dining table, smiling as he said, “I've just been busier lately.”
Xu Weiran's brow slowly furrowed. Was he really just busy? For the first time, suspicion took root. — The next day, Xu Weiran woke up early. He was awake at 7:20.
When he walked into the living room, no one was there. Breakfast sat on the table. Dong Enze had gone out again. Xu Weiran stood beside the table, his expression growing darker by the second. He picked up his phone and opened his chat with Dong Enze.
“What time are you coming home today?”
This time, he didn't delete it. He sent it directly. The message was marked read almost immediately. Two minutes later,
Dong Enze replied: “No idea, depends on rehearsal~ Don't wait for me for dinner!” There was even a smiley face at the end.
Xu Weiran stared at the message. He didn't know why, but he was even more annoyed now.
Who said I was going to wait for you for dinner?
He set his phone on the table. Three seconds later, he picked it up again. He wanted to reply, but didn't know what to say. In the end, he sent only: “Mm-hmm.”
That made him even more annoyed.
He lowered his head and ate breakfast. His mood was terrible all morning. — That afternoon, while he was working, the singer he was collaborating with sat beside him and listened through the track once.
“Could this part be a little softer?” “Sure.”
Xu Weiran made the change. “And then the part afterward…”
The other person listed a series of requests. Xu Weiran followed all of them. He was normally extremely focused while working and hardly ever looked at his phone. Today, however, he immediately lowered his head when it vibrated.
It wasn't Dong Enze. It was the work group chat.
He turned the phone facedown. Ten minutes later, it vibrated again. Still not Dong Enze. By the third time, even the person beside him couldn't help asking,
“Are you waiting for a message?”
Xu Weiran's fingers stopped.
“No.” “Oh.”
The other person didn't dare ask again. But Xu Weiran fell silent. Was he waiting? Waiting for whom? The answer was too obvious. Obvious enough to make him uncomfortable.
Ten that night. Work ended. No message from Dong Enze. Eleven. Nothing. Midnight. Still nothing.
Xu Weiran sat in the living room. The television was off. He wasn't working either. He simply sat there.
At 12:30, the door finally sounded. When Dong Enze entered and saw the person in the living room, he visibly froze. “You're not asleep yet?”
Xu Weiran looked at him. “Mm-hmm.”
“Not working today?” “I was.” “Then why…” Dong Enze stopped halfway through.
Xu Weiran suddenly asked, “Are you avoiding me lately?”
The air went still.
Dong Enze froze completely for an instant. His heart nearly stopped.
“Huh?” He quickly smiled. “Why would I avoid you?”
Xu Weiran didn't answer. He only looked at him. His gaze was too direct.
Dong Enze instinctively looked away and bent down to take off his shoes. “I really have just been busy lately.”
“Busy until one or two every day?” “The dance company has been—” “Your team captain posted a story this afternoon.”
Dong Enze stopped moving.
Xu Weiran said calmly, “He was home eating dinner at eight.” “…” “Your vice-captain was at the gym at nine.” “…” “So what exactly were you rehearsing until 12:30?”
Dong Enze stood in the entryway. For the first time, he didn't know how to answer. Xu Weiran looked at him. There was no accusation in his tone. He wasn't even angry. He was simply confused.
“Enze.” “What exactly is wrong?”
Dong Enze's throat tightened. He came so close. He was really only a hair's breadth away. The words were about to burst out. —Because you're moving away.
But in the end, he held them back. Dong Enze lowered his head and smiled. “Nothing's wrong.”
Xu Weiran frowned. “Then you—”
“I just want to spend more time out.” It was said very softly.
Xu Weiran stopped. Dong Enze lifted his head. The smile was still there. “We've been living together this long. I can't keep clinging to you for everything, can I?”
Xu Weiran's brow furrowed more deeply. “What does that mean?”
“It doesn't mean anything.” Dong Enze shrugged, pretending to be relaxed. “I just think we're both twenty-eight. We should have our own lives.”
Their own lives. Those four words made Xu Weiran's chest suddenly sink. For the first time, he felt it with absolute clarity— Dong Enze was backing away. Not because of work. Not because he was tired. Deliberately.
But why?
Xu Weiran didn't know. He only knew that instinctively, he didn't like it. He really didn't.
“Didn't we have our own lives before?” he asked.
Dong Enze froze. “No, that's not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” “I just…”
Dong Enze opened his mouth. Nothing came out. Because if he went any further, all his real emotions would spill out. He could only smile.
“Don't overthink it.”
Xu Weiran stared at him. This time, he suddenly noticed that Dong Enze's smile didn't reach his eyes at all. How had he never noticed before? Or rather, he had always known that Dong Enze smiled even when he was unhappy. It was just that before, he never had to guess. Dong Enze would tell him himself. “My instructor yelled at me today.” “We couldn't get the formation right.” “My leg hurts so bad.” “That person was seriously annoying today.” Now he didn't say anything.
For the first time, Xu Weiran felt that the person who had always told him everything was genuinely hiding something from him. And whatever it was, it had something to do with him.
“Enze,” Xu Weiran said.
Dong Enze looked up. “Mm?”
Xu Weiran looked at him. There were so many things he wanted to ask. In the end, he only said, “I don't like this.”
Dong Enze froze. “What?”
“You like this.” Xu Weiran answered directly. “I don't like it.”
The entryway was so quiet that only their breathing could be heard.
Dong Enze looked at him. The defenses he'd struggled to maintain for an entire week suddenly shook violently under those words. He almost asked: Then what do you want? You're moving away, but you won't let me get used to life without you first? But in the end, he didn't. Xu Weiran knew nothing. Getting angry at him would be unfair.
Dong Enze lowered his eyes. “I understand.”
Xu Weiran frowned. That wasn't what he wanted. But he couldn't explain what he did want to hear. Go back to how things were? Stop avoiding me? Come home every day? Keep sitting in the living room and annoying me? Those demands all sounded too strange coming from a roommate. So he stayed silent. Dong Enze stayed silent too.
In the end, Dong Enze moved first. “I'm going to shower.”
He passed through the living room and walked toward his room. The door closed.
Xu Weiran stood where he was. He didn't stop him. —