At eleven-thirty at night, downtown was still lively.
The shops along the street were still lit up. Taxi after taxi slid through the intersection, people fresh off work stood outside the convenience store, and distant signs bathed the entire street in a riot of color. The late-spring night breeze still carried a hint of coolness, but the barbecue restaurant's constantly opening and closing doors kept it outside. Inside, there was only the heat of the coals, the aroma of grilled meat, and the crisp clink of glasses.
It was rare for everyone from the dance company to be there. After a full month of intensive rehearsal, they all looked like they had finally been let out of their cages. People who usually considered saying even one extra sentence during rehearsal a waste of energy were noisier than anyone tonight. Two long tables had been pushed together, and the tabletops were already piled with half-eaten plates of meat, side dishes, and empty liquor bottles.
“No sneaking off early tonight!” the vice-captain shouted, holding up his glass.
Someone immediately started egging him on.
“The team captain has to down his first!” “Why do I have to go first?” “Because you’re the loudest when you’re yelling at people!” “Then you’d better not show up for rehearsal tomorrow.” “Tomorrow’s a day off!” “…”
The entire table burst out laughing.
Dong Enze was sitting farther inside. He held a pair of chopsticks, but he had barely eaten from the plate of meat in front of him. Most of the time, he simply watched everyone fool around with a smile. He wasn’t unfamiliar with scenes like this. Whenever the dance company finished an important performance or wrapped up a major rehearsal, they would usually get together. It was just that Enze rarely drank. He wasn’t pretending. He really couldn’t hold his liquor. His alcohol tolerance was absurdly poor. Once, after drinking only half a glass of soju, he went home and crouched in the entryway, hugging the shoe cabinet and refusing to move.
Xu Weiran had stood beside him and watched for half a minute before finally asking one question. “What are you doing?”
Dong Enze had looked up, his eyes vacant. “The shoe cabinet seems kind of lonely.”
Xu Weiran had been silent for a very long time.
The next day, after Enze woke up, even he wanted to move. After that, he practically stopped drinking altogether. The people from the dance company knew it, too. Whenever someone offered him a drink, he either switched to something nonalcoholic or smiled and pushed it back.
But tonight, maybe it was because everyone had finally relaxed and the atmosphere was too lively. Or maybe it was because Enze had been keeping something bottled up inside. Either way, when someone carried a glass over to him, it was the first time he didn’t immediately refuse.
“Enze, you have to drink tonight!”
Enze smiled and waved him off. “I really don’t drink much.”
“Just one glass.” “Come on, it’s our celebration.” “Exactly. You worked the hardest this past month. How can you not drink at all?” “I’ll drink with you.” “Stop lying. You drink like it’s water.” “Wouldn’t that make it even more sincere?”
Someone—Enze couldn’t tell who—shoved the drink into his hand. There was only a shallow layer of liquor in the clear glass. Really, it wasn’t much. Enze lowered his head and looked at it for several seconds. He had only meant to take a casual sip.
But for some reason, a sentence Xu Weiran had said in the living room a few days ago suddenly flashed through his mind.
—I want to move.
That familiar pressure in his chest slowly rose again. He quickly smiled. As if he were afraid someone would notice.
“…Okay.” He raised the glass. “Just one.”
The whole table immediately erupted in cheers.
“That’s more like it!” “The principal dancer is finally acting like a person!” “You’re the one who’s not human.” “Come on, everyone together!”
The glasses clinked together. Enze tipped his head back. When the alcohol slid down his throat, the first sensation wasn’t the sting. It was heat. A thin warmth traveled down from the root of his tongue, burning all the way to his stomach. He frowned slightly. Liquor really did taste awful. But a few seconds later, the heaviness that had been pressing on his chest seemed to be diluted a little.
Only briefly. Only faintly.
But it was enough to give him the illusion that—
if he drank just a little more, he wouldn’t have to think tonight. He wouldn’t have to think about moving. He wouldn’t have to think about Xu Weiran. He wouldn’t have to think about what that little apartment they had lived in for six years would become afterward.
So when the second person came over with a drink, Enze didn’t refuse.
“Bro, I really have to toast you with this one.”
It was one of the younger company members. He sat down beside Enze, his expression much more serious than that of the people who had been heckling him earlier.
“I could never get the feel of that section right. Thanks for staying with me until the end every day.”
Enze blinked. “No need.”
“There is.” The other man raised his glass. “Seriously, thank you.”
Enze smiled. And drank anyway.
The third glass came from the vice-captain. “You always carry everything by yourself. Don’t put on an act tonight.”
Enze smiled and glared at him. “What am I pretending about?”
“Pretending you can hold your liquor.” “I’ve never pretended that.” “Then drink a little more.” “You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?” “Yep.”
The whole table laughed again.
Enze laughed, too. Louder than usual. One glass followed another. In reality, it probably wasn’t an outrageous amount. But for someone who practically never drank, it was more than enough. The alcohol went to his head quickly. First his ears. Then his face. Finally, even the clarity began to slowly leave his eyes. Dong Enze didn’t notice any of it. He only felt unusually relaxed tonight. The things that had always been stuck in his head seemed to have finally been stirred into confusion by the alcohol.
“Enze, your face is red.” “It really is.” “You okay?”
Enze waved his hand. “I’m fine.”
“You’re starting to talk slower.” “No, I’m not.” “You are.” “Don’t make things up.”
He really was smiling more brightly than usual. When someone started singing, he was the first to join in. When someone slapped the table, he slapped it, too. At some point, someone even egged him into standing up and doing a short dance beside the table. It was only a few casual moves, but they still sent the whole table into shrieks.
“Wow!” “The principal dancer is the principal dancer!” “He can put on a show even while eating barbecue.” “Do it again!”
Dong Enze laughed until he bent over. “No more.”
“Do that spin again.” “No.” “Why not?” “I’ll hit the table.” “You know you’ll hit the table? That proves you’re not drunk.”
Enze immediately nodded. “I’m not drunk in the first place.”
Everyone exchanged a look. Then laughed even harder.
“Right, right.” “You’re the most sober person here.”
Enze sat back down. The glass was still in his hand. He lowered his head and stared at it for a while. He could barely tell how much was left inside anymore. His fingers simply rubbed the rim unconsciously.
The people around him were still making a racket. The music was loud. Laughter filled every corner of the barbecue restaurant.
But in a certain instant, Dong Enze suddenly fell silent. He thought of Xu Weiran. It came out of nowhere. There had been no warning. He had come tonight precisely because he didn’t want to think about him. But the more he tried to run from it, the clearer that face became. He thought about the way Weiran had been looking at him lately. He thought about Weiran standing in the entryway and asking,
“Have you been avoiding me lately?”
He thought of that other sentence.
“I don’t like this.”
Dong Enze lowered his eyes. There was still a smile at the corners of his mouth, but his heart was slowly turning sour.
You don’t like it. I don’t like it either. I don’t want this either. I want things to be like they used to be. To go home after rehearsal. To call out the moment he walked through the door.
“Weiran, I’m home.”
He wanted to see Weiran sitting on the couch. He wanted to hear him complain that Enze was too loud. He wanted to make instant noodles at two in the morning. He wanted to take away the coffee after it had gone cold. He wanted to knock on Weiran’s door in the morning. He even wanted to keep living in that tiny apartment where turning around meant bumping into the table.
But he didn’t dare.
Because he was too afraid that all of it would suddenly end. So he could only end it a little early. As if that way, when the day really came, it wouldn’t hurt so much.
“Enze?”
Someone called his name.
He snapped back to reality and looked up. “Mm-hmm?”
“What were you spacing out about?” “Nothing.” He immediately smiled. “I wasn’t spacing out.”
“You stared at that glass for forever.” “Contemplating life.” “Drunk people love contemplating life.” “I’m not drunk.” “Okay, okay.”
Someone put another piece of meat onto his plate.
“Eat something first.”
Enze lowered his head and picked up a bite. It barely had any taste. He still smiled. Still chatted along with everyone. He even worked harder than before to blend himself into the noise and excitement.
Because as long as he didn’t stop, he wouldn’t have to face the things he truly wanted to say.
One in the morning. The dinner finally broke up. A group of people came out of the barbecue restaurant. When the night breeze blew over them, Dong Enze, who had only barely managed to stand steadily indoors, immediately swayed. The team captain caught him just in time.
“Whoa.” “He’s done for.”
The people beside them were laughing helplessly. “Didn’t you say you weren’t drunk?”
Dong Enze frowned. “I’m not drunk.”
“Stand up straight before you say that.” “I am standing up straight.”
The moment he finished speaking, he leaned a little farther toward the team captain. The captain nearly staggered from the impact.
“You call this standing up straight?” “You’re the one who can’t stand straight.” “You’re blaming me?”
Everyone around them dissolved into laughter. Enze’s face was unbelievably red. His eyes were wetter than usual. At some point, he had apparently run his hands through his hair, leaving it tousled, with a few strands hanging over his forehead. He looked nothing like the principal dancer who usually kept an eye on everyone’s movements in the dance company and wouldn’t let a single half-beat go.
“He’s not just someone who’s bad at drinking,” someone said.
“He genuinely can’t drink,” the vice-captain said with a nod.
“I told you that from the start.” “You were toasting him a minute ago.” “How was I supposed to know he’d cooperate this much tonight?” “You kept pouring him one glass after another.” “He drank them himself, too.”
Dong Enze heard that and immediately raised his hand.
“Exactly.” “I drank them myself.”
“See?” “He still knows how to take responsibility.”
The team captain smiled helplessly. “Come on, walk in a straight line.”
Dong Enze looked down at his feet. “I am walking in a straight line.”
“Then walk.” “I will.”
He took one very serious step forward. Then a second. A third. On the fourth, he veered straight to the side.
The vice-captain immediately reached out and pulled him back. “That’s a straight line?”
Dong Enze looked confused. “The road is crooked.”
The whole group nearly died laughing.
“The road is crooked, hahahaha!” “Bro, you really drank too much.” “No, I didn’t.” “Then walk again.” “No.” “Why not?” “The road’s no good.”
Everyone was laughing so hard they could barely stand. Finally, when the team captain saw how late it was, he hurriedly waved them down.
“Okay, okay.” “Let’s get him home first.” “Is anyone headed in the same direction?” “I can go.” “I’ll come, too.”
Several people hustled Dong Enze into a taxi. Once he was inside, he became quiet. He didn’t cause a scene. He didn’t insist that he wasn’t drunk anymore, either. He simply leaned against the window and watched outside in profile. The city lights slid across the glass one by one. The heat inside the car was turned up high, but Enze inexplicably felt cold. Someone sitting beside him asked,
“Bro, are you feeling sick?”
Enze shook his head. “No.”
“Want to throw up?” “No.” “Dizzy?” “A little.” “Then close your eyes and sleep for a bit.”
Enze didn’t close them. He continued watching out the window. His thoughts were a mess, and yet it felt as if there were nothing there at all. The alcohol had stirred everything together.
Xu Weiran’s face. The apartment they had lived in for six years. The sticky note on the refrigerator. The couch in the living room that had begun to sag. Late-night instant noodles. Milk every morning. And that sentence.
“I want to move.”
The closer they got to the familiar neighborhood, the heavier Enze’s chest felt. Suddenly, he really didn’t want to go back. Not tonight. At least not tonight. He didn’t want to stand in front of Weiran reeking of alcohol. Even more frightening was the thought that he might actually ask the question out loud. Drunk people had no sense. And he had kept this hidden for so long. He didn’t want to destroy everything over a few drinks.
The taxi turned onto a familiar street. Enze lifted his head. The outline of the apartment building appeared ahead. He suddenly sat up a little straighter. The person beside him thought he had sobered up.
“We’re almost there.”
Enze didn’t say anything. The car stopped. The driver turned around.
“We’re here.”
The team captain got out first. The others helped Dong Enze out together. The night wind blew straight into him. He stood beneath the apartment building and had been more or less following along with everyone.
But the moment his feet touched the ground, he suddenly stopped. He didn’t move. The team captain walked two steps before realizing he hadn’t followed. He turned around.
“Come on.”
Dong Enze stood where he was with his head lowered. There was no response.
“Enze?”
The vice-captain stopped, too.
“What’s wrong?”
Dong Enze slowly raised his eyes and looked at the familiar apartment entrance in front of him.
The lights inside the glass doors were still on. The front desk was empty. The access-control light glowed faintly green in the night.
Everything was exactly as usual. All he had to do was go inside, take the elevator, press the floor button, and walk a few more steps, and he would be back in the place they had lived in for six years.
Normally, he didn’t even have to think about it. But tonight, those few steps suddenly seemed impossibly difficult. Dong Enze stood there for a long time. Finally, he lowered his head and spoke in a tiny voice.
“…I don’t want to.”
The team captain hadn’t heard him clearly. “What?”
“I’m not going up.” “Huh?”
Enze shook his head, like a child who had suddenly decided to be stubborn.
“I don’t want to go home.”
Several people froze. “Bro.” “Your home is upstairs.” “No.” “It’s really late.” “No.”
The vice-captain assumed he was just drunk and being difficult, so he reached out to pull him along.
“Come on.”
But Dong Enze really did take a step backward. He wasn’t using much strength, but his refusal was unmistakable.
“No.”
“Why?”
No one knew. They looked at one another.
The team captain frowned. “Did you have a fight with your roommate?”
Dong Enze didn’t answer.
“Or did you forget your keys?”
“I have my keys.” “Then why won’t you go up?”
Enze lowered his eyes. His breathing had slowed. The alcohol made his thoughts sluggish. The words he normally refused to say were now spilling out little by little. He wanted to hold them back, but he couldn’t.
“Going back…”
His voice was very soft. The team captain leaned closer.
“What?”
Dong Enze raised his eyes. Maybe it was the alcohol, but his eyes were rimmed with red.
“Going back… I’ll be the only one left.”
Everything around them went silent. The team captain furrowed his brow.
“Isn’t your roommate at home?”
When Dong Enze heard that, he actually smiled. The smile looked worse than crying.
“…Not for much longer.”
Several people froze at once.
“What does that mean?” “Is your roommate moving out?” “Is your lease ending?” “Or did he change jobs?”
No one understood. But Enze stopped talking. He only lowered his head, lips pressed tightly together, as if that one sentence had already used up all his courage.
Seeing him like that, the team captain slowly stopped joking around.
“Enze.” “Mm-hmm?” “Have you been feeling down lately?”
Enze shook his head. “No.”
“You’ve been staying late every day.” “Mm-hmm.” “But we haven’t even been rehearsing that late lately.”
Enze didn’t answer. The vice-captain suddenly seemed to realize something.
“Wait.” He looked at the team captain. “Has he been deliberately leaving late lately?”
The team captain’s expression changed, too. Thinking about it carefully, that was exactly how it had been. Over the past few days, after everyone finished, Dong Enze had always said he wanted to stay a little longer. At first, everyone had assumed the principal dancer was pushing himself again. Later, some had even advised him not to practice so much. But now it seemed that maybe it had nothing to do with dance at all.
“Have you been avoiding home?” the team captain asked tentatively.
Enze lowered his head even farther. He neither admitted nor denied it. But the answer was already obvious.
For a moment, no one knew what to say. Dong Enze had always been the person in the dance company who was best at taking care of others. Whenever someone was injured, whenever someone was in a bad mood, whenever someone got stuck on a movement, he was usually the first to notice. But when it came to himself, he said nothing. He had even gotten to the point where he would rather wander around outside until one in the morning than go home.
The team captain sighed. “Then what do we do now?”
Dong Enze crouched down. He squatted on the step beside the apartment entrance, wrapped both arms around his knees, and curled into a ball.
“I’m going to sit for a while.”
“How long are you going to sit?” “Don’t know.” “It’s cold out here.” “I’m not cold.” “You’re dressed like that and you’re still saying you’re not cold?”
The team captain started to take off his jacket for him. Dong Enze refused again. “Don’t.”
The vice-captain looked like he had a headache.
“Why is he so difficult when he’s drunk?” someone muttered.
“He’s stubborn normally, too. It just doesn’t show as much.” “We can’t exactly leave him here.” “What if we just carry him upstairs?” “Who’s carrying him?”
Everyone fell silent.
No matter how thin Dong Enze was, he was still a grown man. And drunk, his entire body had gone limp. Carrying him upstairs would not be easy. Someone else said,
“He’ll throw up on you later.” “Shut up.”
They discussed it for a long while. Then the team captain suddenly thought of something.
“His phone?”
The vice-captain looked down. “What?”
“His phone.” “Call his family.” “We’re calling his parents at this hour?” “Then call his roommate.”
Everyone fell silent at the same time.
Right. His roommate. The roommate Enze had just said was “not for much longer.”
Someone fished the phone out of Dong Enze’s coat pocket. The screen lit up. There was a passcode. The team captain crouched down in front of Enze.
“Enze.” “Mm-hmm.” “Unlock your phone.”
Dong Enze slowly raised his head. He looked at the phone. After staring at it for several seconds, he actually reached out and took it. He entered the passcode. It worked on the first try.
The team captain let out a breath of relief. “Great.”
He took the phone back and opened the contacts. He had been about to look for “family” or “emergency contact,” but there was no need. At the top of the messages list was a long-standing pinned chat. The name was simple.
—Xu Weiran.
There was no “roommate” in the contact name. No extra symbols. Just three characters. Yet it was obvious that Enze contacted him more often than anyone else.
The team captain glanced at Dong Enze. The other man was still curled up on the step, staring down at the tips of his shoes. He didn’t hesitate again. He pressed the call button.
Upstairs.
Xu Weiran had just finished showering. Only the bedside lamp was on in his room. His hair was still dripping, and a towel hung over his shoulder as he stepped out of the bathroom. His phone was on the desk. The screen suddenly lit up.
The vibration was especially distinct in the quiet room. Xu Weiran hadn’t paid much attention at first. He took two steps closer. When he saw the caller ID, he paused.
—Dong Enze.
It was after one in the morning. Xu Weiran frowned. Dong Enze had said the dance company was having a dinner tonight. Before he left, he had even stuck a note on the refrigerator.
“Company dinner tonight. Don’t wait for me to eat.”
Weiran had only replied, “Got it.”
Later, after eleven, Xu Weiran had even checked his phone twice. There had been no messages. He told himself it was only because that person had been coming home too late lately. He had just gotten into the habit of checking, that was all.
Now that the call had actually come, Xu Weiran suddenly had a bad feeling.
He picked up the phone. “Hello?”
Dong Enze’s voice didn’t come through immediately. The background was noisy. There was wind, and someone speaking quietly. Then a strange man’s voice came through.
“Hello.”
Xu Weiran’s expression changed instantly.
“Am I speaking to… Enze’s roommate?”
He paused.
“Mm-hmm.” The moment in his chest began to sink. “What happened?”
The person on the other end sounded relieved.
“Hello, I’m the team captain of Enze’s dance company.” “We’re downstairs at your building right now.”
Xu Weiran’s brow furrowed even more deeply.
“Downstairs?” “Yes.” “Enze is drunk.”
Xu Weiran froze. “What?”
Drunk? Dong Enze? The person who practically never touched alcohol? The person who would even drink something nonalcoholic at group dinners?
The team captain seemed to know how absurd it was. His tone was a little awkward.
“He drank a bit too much tonight.” “We were going to take him straight upstairs.” “But…”
A voice suddenly came through in the background.
“Bro, don’t sit on the ground!” “Your shoe! Your shoe fell off!” “Hey, don’t pull those leaves off the tree!”
Xu Weiran: “…”
The team captain took a deep breath. “Anyway, he refuses to come upstairs.”
Xu Weiran had already grabbed the keys from his desk. “Why?”
There was a brief silence on the other end. “We don’t know.”
Xu Weiran stopped moving.
The team captain added, “He keeps saying he doesn’t want to go home.”
It felt as if something had clenched his heart hard. Xu Weiran’s expression darkened instantly.
Doesn’t want to go home. Coming home so late every day lately. Deliberately staying out. Saying he wanted a life of his own. All the images crashed into Xu Weiran’s mind at once. He didn’t even have time to sort through them. He only asked,
“Where is he now?” “Right beside the main entrance.” “I’m coming down.” “Okay.”
The call ended. Xu Weiran didn’t even dry his hair. He grabbed a jacket, shoved his feet into his shoes, and shut the door behind him. He moved so quickly that he didn’t even notice it himself. The elevator was still upstairs. Xu Weiran pressed the button once. Nothing happened. He pressed it again. The floor numbers slowly descended.
Twelve. Eleven. Ten.
Staring at the row of numbers, he suddenly felt irritated. It was only a few dozen seconds, but they seemed to stretch endlessly. The same sentence kept repeating in his mind.
—Doesn’t want to go home.
Why? Because of him? Because of moving?
The thought from earlier returned. A few days ago, Xu Weiran had begun to wonder for the first time whether Dong Enze had misunderstood what he said. But work had been too busy these past few days, and he hadn’t found the right time to confirm it. At one point, he had even thought it probably couldn’t be that.
They had known each other for six years. They had lived together for six years. How could Dong Enze possibly think he intended to move out alone?
But now it seemed it really was possible.
Xu Weiran stood in the elevator, his fingers unconsciously tightening around the keys. If that really was the reason… he suddenly felt a little angry. Not at Enze. Mostly at himself.
It had been just one sentence. Why hadn’t he explained it clearly at the time? Why had he let that person overthink things alone for an entire week?
The elevator finally opened with a ding. Xu Weiran practically walked straight out. He crossed the lobby on the first floor and pushed open the apartment building’s entrance door. The night wind blew into his face. His hair was still wet. The cold air clung to his scalp, sharp and biting. But he didn’t feel it at all.
In the distance, several young people stood beside the apartment flower bed. Someone was holding a jacket. Someone was carrying a bag. Someone else held Dong Enze’s shoe.
And the person who was usually so full of energy that he could barely sit still at home was sitting on the steps at the apartment entrance.
Dong Enze had his arms wrapped around his knees. His body was curled into a very small shape. His head hung low. His hair was a complete mess over his forehead. The zipper of his jacket had somehow been pulled open. One shoe was still on his foot. No one knew where the other one had gone. He looked so disheveled that he hardly seemed like himself.
Xu Weiran’s footsteps stopped for an instant. It felt as if something had slammed into his chest.
Hard.
He had never seen Dong Enze like this. The Enze he knew was always bright. Even when he was tired, even when he felt wronged, as long as he saw someone, he would still smile. Even when he had deliberately avoided Weiran these past few days, at least on the surface he had still seemed much the same as usual.
But now…
That person was curled up on the step. He wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t speaking. He looked like someone who had walked for a very long time and was now too tired to know where to go. Or like someone who had truly turned the home he had lived in for six years into a place he didn’t dare enter.
The dance company’s team captain noticed Xu Weiran first. “Mr. Xu?”
When Dong Enze heard those three words, his body visibly stiffened. He didn’t look up. But Xu Weiran saw it.
His heart sank a little farther. He walked over. His steps stopped in front of Dong Enze. He didn’t call out to him right away. He only looked down. There was a faint smell of alcohol in the air, mixed with the night wind.
Enze’s face was deeply flushed. His lashes were lowered. His fingers still gripped the cuff of his sleeve tightly. Xu Weiran suddenly understood that this probably wasn’t simply a matter of Enze being drunk tonight. He was silent for several seconds. Then he crouched down slowly, until their lines of sight were finally more or less level.
“Enze.”
His voice wasn’t heavy, but Dong Enze’s shoulders trembled faintly. After a long while, he slowly raised his head. His eyes, usually full of laughter, were terribly red now. The alcohol had left his gaze hazy. He stared at Xu Weiran for a long time, as if confirming that the person in front of him was real. Finally, his lips moved very slightly.
“…Why did you come down?”
Xu Weiran looked at him. The irritation, worry, and inexplicable unease pressing against his chest all turned into an indescribable ache in that instant.
“Because someone refused to come home.”
Dong Enze fell silent. His gaze slowly dropped. After several seconds, he said very quietly,
“…I don’t want to go back.”
Xu Weiran didn’t get angry. He didn’t immediately press him for an explanation, either. He only looked at him.
“Why?”
Enze didn’t answer. The team captain beside them had been about to explain, but he opened his mouth and then ultimately said nothing.
Xu Weiran didn’t rush him. He simply crouched there and waited.
Dong Enze stared at his knees. He was silent for a long time. So long that the night wind tousled the hair on his forehead. Only then did he slowly speak.
“I’m afraid…”
His voice was too quiet. Xu Weiran didn’t hear him clearly. “What?”
Dong Enze lifted his eyes. His eyes suddenly grew even redder.
“I’m afraid.”
He paused, as if trying to piece together his jumbled thoughts.
“If I go back…” “I’ll think about it.”
Xu Weiran’s heart dropped hard. “Think about what?”
Enze didn’t answer immediately. The alcohol had loosened all the emotions he normally kept hidden with such care. He looked at Xu Weiran. His eyes were aggrieved. And deeply sad.
“Think about you moving out.”
Everyone around them fell silent. Xu Weiran was completely stunned, too. The suspicion that had flashed through his mind earlier that day was confirmed completely in that moment. For a while, he didn’t even know whether to get angry first or laugh first.
Dong Enze genuinely thought he was going to move out alone. He had even spent a week afraid to go home because of it. He had drunk himself into this state. He had sat downstairs rather than go up.
Xu Weiran stared at him. His expression was so complicated that he could hardly put it into words. But Enze seemed completely unaware. He only felt that, now that he had said this much, there was no way to take it back. His eyes grew redder and redder, and his voice gradually became hoarse.
“I know you can move out.” “I never said you couldn’t.” “You’re allowed to.” “And I don’t have the right…”
Xu Weiran’s brow furrowed. “The right to what?”
Enze shook his head. “Nothing.” “I’m just your roommate.”
That short sentence stabbed Xu Weiran hard in the chest. He had never thought the words “roommate” could sound so awful. And yet Dong Enze continued.
“Whoever you want to live with later.” “Wherever you want to live.” “You can do whatever you want.” “I know.”
He smiled faintly, but his eyes were still red. “But I just…”
His voice suddenly stopped, as if continuing would expose the one thing he truly couldn’t say.
Xu Weiran stared at him. For the first time, he understood with absolute clarity that the person before him wasn’t simply afraid of moving. And it wasn’t only because of habit.
This sadness was too heavy. Too heavy to be merely the loss of a roommate they had been rooming together with. But the answer was too close. So close that Xu Weiran suddenly didn’t dare touch it directly. He only reached out and took Dong Enze by the wrist.
“Get up first.”
Enze instinctively shook his head. “No.”
“Come home.” “No.” “Dong Enze.” “No.”
Xu Weiran drew a deep breath. He didn’t snap at him. He only lowered his voice.
“Listen to me first.”
Enze looked up.
“I wasn’t planning to move out alone.”
The air seemed to stop completely in that instant. Dong Enze didn’t move at all. Xu Weiran looked at him and spoke clearly, one word at a time.
“When I said I wanted to move,” “I meant the two of us moving together.”
Dong Enze’s eyes went blank for several seconds. The alcohol made it take a long time for him to understand. He stared at Xu Weiran.
“…Us?” “Mm-hmm.” “Together?” “Mm-hmm.” “You weren’t going to…”
He seemed afraid to finish the sentence. Xu Weiran knew what he wanted to ask.
“I wasn’t going to leave you behind.”
Dong Enze fell completely silent. A few seconds later, his eyes suddenly reddened even more, as if the thing he had held in for a week lost its support all at once after hearing the answer. Before Xu Weiran could react, Enze lowered his head. His shoulders trembled faintly. The team captain instinctively looked away. The vice-captain quietly moved two steps to the side.
Xu Weiran looked at the person in front of him, and his heart suddenly melted into something unbearably soft. He reached out and gently rubbed the back of Enze’s head with his palm.
“How much did you come up with on your own?”
Dong Enze didn’t lift his head. His voice was muffled. “A lot.”
“Why didn’t you ask?” “I didn’t dare.” “What was there to be afraid of?”
Enze fell silent.
Xu Weiran looked at him. He could more or less guess, but he didn’t force him to say it.
“Come home first.”
This time, Dong Enze didn’t say no. He only kept his head lowered. After several seconds, he gave a very slight nod.
Xu Weiran finally let out a breath of relief. He stood up and pulled Enze to his feet. The moment Enze stood straight, he swayed. Xu Weiran immediately caught him. Dong Enze leaned almost his entire body against him. The smell of alcohol grew stronger.
Xu Weiran frowned. “How much did you drink?”
The team captain looked guilty. “…Not that much.”
Xu Weiran looked up. The team captain immediately added, “But his alcohol tolerance is really terrible.”
“We tried to stop him,” the vice-captain said quietly. “We lost that battle later.”
Xu Weiran glanced at the person in his arms. Enze was already barely able to stand. He sighed.
“Thank you for bringing him home.”
The team captain waved it off. “Of course.”
“I’m really sorry.” “No problem.” “Then we’ll get going?”
Xu Weiran nodded. “Mm-hmm.”
Before leaving, the team captain still couldn’t resist taking one more look at Enze. “Don’t come in tomorrow.”
Leaning against Xu Weiran, Dong Enze replied hazily,
“It’s already a day off…”
Everyone paused. Then the team captain burst out laughing.
“He still knows that much.”
Xu Weiran finally let out a low laugh, too. The tension that had been pressing on his chest finally eased a little.
After everyone from the dance company had gone, only the two of them remained at the entrance. Dong Enze was still leaning against him. The night wind was cold. Xu Weiran looked down.
“Can you walk?”
Enze thought about it. “I can.”
“Then let’s go.” “Mm-hmm.”
They took two steps. Then Enze suddenly stopped. Xu Weiran looked back.
“What now?”
Dong Enze raised his eyes. His gaze was still watery.
“You’re really not moving out by yourself?”
Xu Weiran looked at him. This time, there wasn’t the slightest hint of impatience.
“Really.” “There’ll be a room for me?” “There will.” “Really?” “Mm-hmm.” “What about my dance shoes?”
Xu Weiran couldn’t help laughing. “They’re coming, too.”
“My clothes?” “They’re coming.” “My mug?” “Coming.” “The side dishes in the refrigerator?” “They’re coming, too.”
Dong Enze finally seemed reassured. He nodded.
“Oh.”
Xu Weiran supported him as they walked inside. The elevator doors opened. The two of them stepped in. The floor numbers slowly climbed. Dong Enze leaned against the wall. Then he suddenly asked in a small voice,
“Then why didn’t you say so?”
Xu Weiran paused. That question really was his fault. He looked at their reflections in the elevator doors.
“I thought I didn’t need to.” “Why didn’t you?” “Because we were moving together in the first place.”
Dong Enze froze. Xu Weiran turned his head slightly. His voice was calm.
“I never imagined doing it without you.”
The sentence was so light, as if he had only said it in passing. But Dong Enze’s whole body stiffened. The alcohol made it impossible for him to hide his emotions. His eyes instantly grew even redder.
Xu Weiran saw it, and his heart suddenly gave a hard, heavy beat. The elevator opened with a ding.
Neither of them moved right away. After a few seconds, Xu Weiran looked away first.
“Let’s go.”
Dong Enze followed.
This time, he didn’t say he didn’t want to go home again. Because only at this moment did he truly understand that the place he had been too afraid to return to for an entire week had never been about losing either of them.
And Xu Weiran realized for the first time that a simple “We’re moving together” could leave Dong Enze red-eyed, as if he had finally found his way home again.
It was just that neither of them knew yet that what had truly slipped out tonight wasn’t only about moving. It was also the sentence—
“I never imagined doing it without you.”