Chapter 9 “The Man Who Has No Future”
“There are people who are afraid of losing their future. And then there are those who no longer have a future at all.”
Tania remained frozen in the library archive room.
Her eyes stayed fixed on Nicholas, who stood behind the window.
The man continued to look at her with the same smile.
Calm.
Warm.
But now...
That smile felt unbearably painful.
The death certificate still lay open on the table.
The name “Nicholas Winston” was clearly printed on the yellowing paper.
There was no room left for Tania to deny reality.
The document was official.
The newspaper reports confirmed it.
The hospital records said the same thing.
Nicholas...
Had died more than twenty years ago.
“Tan...”
Keisha’s whispered voice came from beside her.
Keisha gently touched her friend’s shoulder, worried by how pale Tania had become.
“Are you okay?” Keisha asked softly, gazing into Tania’s eyes as they began to fill with tears.
Tania did not answer right away.
She was still staring toward the window.
Slowly, she raised her hand.
And pointed outside.
“He...” Tania murmured, her lips trembling slightly. “He’s over there.”
Raka and Keisha instinctively turned toward where she was pointing.
But...
All they saw was the library courtyard, growing deserted.
Leaves fell, blown by the wind.
There was no one there.
Raka turned back to Tania.
“Who?” he asked quietly, furrowing his brow.
“Nicholas.”
Keisha stared at the window for several more seconds.
Then she slowly shook her head.
“Tan...” Keisha said carefully. “There’s no one outside.”
Tania’s eyes widened.
“That’s impossible,” Tania replied quickly. Her breathing began to quicken. “He was standing right there just now.”
She ran toward the archive room door.
“Tania!” Raka shouted as he chased after her.
The three of them hurried out into the library courtyard.
The evening wind blew harder.
The trees swayed gently.
But...
There was no sign of Nicholas anywhere.
Tania slowly turned around.
Her eyes swept across every corner of the courtyard.
Empty.
Completely empty.
“Where did he...” Tania murmured. Her shoulders slowly slumped, disappointment filling her face.
Keisha approached and gently took her hand.
“Maybe he really did leave,” Keisha said softly, stroking the back of her friend’s hand.
Tania only gave a small nod.
But deep in her heart...
She knew.
Nicholas had come on purpose.
He had only wanted to make sure...
That Tania had learned his secret.
As dusk approached, the car Raka was driving entered the grounds of the Wijaya Kusumawardhani family home.
The magnificent house stood elegantly behind towering black iron gates.
The sun was beginning to set behind the trees.
The sky turned orange.
The house seemed quieter than usual.
Raka turned off the engine.
“Tan...” Raka said softly, turning toward the passenger seat. “If you need anything, call me.”
Keisha nodded as well.
“Yeah,” Keisha added with a faint smile. “Don’t keep it all bottled up by yourself.”
Tania returned their smiles, though hers looked forced.
“Thanks,” Tania whispered. “You’ve helped me so much already.”
One corner of Raka’s mouth lifted.
“That’s what friends are for.”
“No need to be shy about it.”
Tania nodded slowly.
After saying goodbye, she walked into the house.
As soon as the front door closed behind her...
Silence greeted her.
A house that large felt utterly empty.
She walked through the living room without really seeing her surroundings.
Her mind was still filled with a single face.
Nicholas.
Without realizing it, her steps carried her toward the backyard garden.
The place where they often met.
The sky was beginning to darken.
The garden lights came on one by one.
The night breeze carried the scent of jasmine blossoms in bloom.
Tania stopped near a wooden bench.
“Nicholas...” Tania murmured, looking around the garden. “If you really are here...”
There was no answer.
Only the crickets calling to one another.
She let out a long breath.
“Come out...” Tania said quietly. Her voice began to tremble. “I don’t want this to keep going.”
Several seconds passed.
Still, silence.
The tears she had been holding back finally slipped down her cheeks.
“I just want to know who you are...” Tania continued in a whisper, covering her face with both hands.
That was when...
A cold gust of wind swept gently through the garden.
Frangipani leaves fell from the trees.
Tania slowly lowered her hands.
Beneath an old frangipani tree...
Someone stood calmly.
His long black coat swayed in the night wind.
His blue eyes were unchanged.
Warm.
Gentle.
And filled with guilt.
“Nicholas...” Tania murmured, hardly able to believe it.
Nicholas slowly walked toward her.
“I’m sorry,” Nicholas said quietly. His smile was faint, but his eyes held a deep sadness.
Tania stared at him without blinking.
For several seconds...
Neither of them spoke.
They only looked at each other.
Tania’s tears fell again.
“You...” Tania said softly, her lips trembling as she held back her emotions. “Why didn’t you ever tell me the truth?”
Nicholas lowered his gaze.
“I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“But now I’m hurting so much more,” Tania shot back. Her tears flowed faster. “I was the one who found out everything.”
Nicholas slowly lifted his face.
Their eyes met again.
Amid the silence of the night...
Neither of them could hide the sorrow filling their hearts.
The backyard of the Wijaya Kusumawardhani family home was once again shrouded in silence.
Only the night breeze rustled the frangipani leaves, while moonlight slipped between the branches of the old tree.
Tania and Nicholas stood facing each other.
Only a few steps separated them.
Yet it felt as though they were divided by different worlds.
Tears still dampened Tania’s cheeks.
Her chest felt tight—not from fear, but from the reality she had just learned.
She drew a deep breath, trying to steady her trembling voice.
“Nicholas...” Tania said softly, staring straight into the man’s blue eyes. Her fingers slowly curled into fists at her sides. “Don’t hide anymore. I want to hear everything... directly from you.”
Nicholas did not answer immediately.
He only lowered his head for a moment. His jaw tightened, as though he were holding back something difficult to say.
The night breeze blew softly, making the edges of his black coat flutter.
Several seconds passed in silence.
“I’ve read all the records,” Tania continued quietly. Her voice sounded firmer now, though it was still thick with emotion. “The newspaper reports... the hospital records... even the death certificate.”
She swallowed before continuing.
“They all say the same thing.”
Her gaze grew more intense.
“That Nicholas Winston died more than twenty years ago.”
Nicholas slowly raised his face.
His eyes remained calm, but the sorrow he had hidden all this time was now plainly visible.
“Is it true?” Tania asked in a whisper, her lips trembling. “Answer me.”
Silence.
Nicholas closed his eyes for a moment, then exhaled slowly.
“It’s true,” Nicholas answered in a low, calm voice. The corner of his mouth formed a faint, bitter smile. “I really am dead.”
That simple sentence struck Tania’s heart far harder than reading the death certificate had.
Even though she already knew the answer...
Hearing the confession directly from Nicholas still hurt.
Her tears fell again.
But this time, Tania did not immediately ask how Nicholas could be standing in front of her.
There was something else troubling her.
A doubt that had refused to leave.
Tania slowly wiped away her tears.
“I believe that you’re dead,” Tania said quietly.
Nicholas looked at her.
“But there’s one thing I still can’t completely believe.”
Nicholas’s brows drew together slightly.
“What?”
Tania stared deeply into his eyes.
“That report.”
Nicholas fell silent.
“I mean...” Tania continued, drawing a breath, “...I believe your name really was recorded as belonging to someone who had died.”
Her gaze shifted briefly to the ground.
“But I’m not sure the cause of your death was really what the documents said.”
Nicholas did not move.
Tania continued in a softer voice.
“Every document says you died in a traffic accident.”
She lifted her face.
“But what if that wasn’t the real cause?”
Nicholas’s blue eyes slowly changed.
Not with anger.
With confusion.
“I...” he murmured.
For the first time, Nicholas looked completely at a loss for words.
Tania watched him closely.
“Do you know what caused your death?” Tania asked.
Nicholas remained silent for a long time.
Then he slowly shook his head.
“No.”
That answer left Tania frozen.
Nicholas lowered his head.
“I know that I’m dead,” Nicholas said quietly. “I know my name. I know that my life stopped at some point in the past.”
He slowly rubbed his temple.
“But as for how I died...”
Nicholas shook his head again.
“I don’t remember.”
Tania stared at him in disbelief.
“So you don’t even know whether you really died in an accident?”
Nicholas lifted his face.
“No.”
The answer sounded completely honest.
“I only know that I once lived.”
He paused briefly.
“Then one day... everything went dark.”
Tania held her breath.
“What do you mean?”
Nicholas closed his eyes.
“I remember a sound.”
“What sound?”
Nicholas frowned.
“I don’t know.”
He held his head as if trying to pull up a memory buried very far away.
“There was the sound of an engine...”
His breathing grew heavy.
“Someone’s voice...”
He fell silent.
“Then...”
Nicholas opened his eyes.
“...there was nothing.”
Tania watched him intently.
“You don’t remember anything about the accident?”
Nicholas shook his head.
“All I remember is the pain.”
Tania fell silent.
“After that?”
“Darkness.”
The night breeze blew again.
This time, it felt much colder.
Tania slowly realized something.
Maybe she had been too quick to treat the death certificate as the final answer.
The document proved that Nicholas had been declared dead.
But it did not necessarily explain the whole truth about how he died.
And even stranger...
Nicholas himself did not know the answer.
“So...” Tania murmured, “...there’s a chance the cause of your death wasn’t what was written down.”
Nicholas did not answer.
But his eyes said that possibility had crossed his mind as well.
“I don’t know,” Nicholas finally replied.
“And that’s what scares me most.”
Tania looked at him.
“Why?”
“Because if I don’t remember how I died...” Nicholas said slowly, “...then I also don’t know who might know the answer.”
Tania felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise.
“Then part of your death was lost from your memory, either deliberately or unintentionally.”
“Maybe.”
Nicholas looked up at the sky.
“Or maybe there’s someone who doesn’t want me to remember it.”
Tania fell silent.
The thought of the records they had just found returned to her mind.
The news reports.
The hospital records.
The death certificate.
Everything seemed so perfect.
Too perfect.
“I’m not going to assume the documents are lies,” Tania said slowly. “But I’m not going to assume they contain the whole truth, either.”
Nicholas looked at her.
“You still want to find out?”
“Yes.”
“Tania...”
“I already believe that you died,” Tania cut in gently but firmly. “I just want to know how you died.”
Nicholas fell silent.
“And if it really was an accident...” Tania continued, “...I want to know what actually happened that night.”
Nicholas looked at her for a long time.
Then he gave a small nod.
“Maybe that’s the answer I’ve been searching for all this time, too.”
Tania exhaled softly.
“Why...” Tania murmured, slowly shaking her head. “Why did you only admit it now?”
Nicholas gazed at her gently.
“Because I hoped...” Nicholas said quietly, lowering his gaze, “...that you wouldn’t need to know this truth.”
“But I had the right to know!” Tania cried. Her voice rose for the first time. Her chest heaved as she held back her sobs. “From the beginning, you kept appearing, kept saving me, and always knew so much about me. Then, just when I started to trust you... I found out you were hiding a secret this huge.”
Nicholas accepted her outburst without defending himself.
“I know,” Nicholas whispered. “And I’m sorry.”
Tania wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.
“If you really are dead...” Tania asked quietly, “...then who are you now?”
Nicholas remained silent for a long time.
His gaze shifted to the star-filled night sky.
“I myself...” Nicholas murmured with a faint smile, “...don’t have all those answers.”
Tania frowned.
“What do you mean?”
“I only remember a small part of my past,” Nicholas continued. He slowly raised his hand, as if he wanted to reach for the moonlight hanging in the sky. “I remember my name. I remember some places. I remember a few faces.”
He paused briefly.
“But there are so many parts of my life... that are gone.”
Tania’s gaze softened.
“Your death, too?”
Nicholas nodded.
“My death, too.”
Tania swallowed.
“So you’ve been searching for answers all this time, too?” Tania asked carefully.
Nicholas nodded slowly.
“Yes.”
Silence settled over them again.
But this was no longer an awkward silence.
It was a silence filled with mutual understanding.
Tania looked at Nicholas for a long time.
Beneath all the mysteries surrounding him...
She saw a profound loneliness.
The loneliness of someone who no longer even had a future.
“Nicholas...” Tania said gently as she took one step closer. “Have you been alone all this time?”
Nicholas gave a small smile.
“For a very long time.”
That brief answer sounded far sadder than any long sentence could have.
Tania felt her chest tighten again.
She imagined what it must have been like to spend years passing by without truly belonging to any world.
Without family.
Without friends.
Without certainty.
“But now...” Tania replied softly, her eyes beginning to fill with tears again, “...you’re not alone.”
Nicholas looked startled.
For the first time since they had met, his eyes seemed unsteady.
“Tania...”
“I mean it,” Tania cut in quickly, shaking her head slightly. “I don’t care whether you’re human or not.”
“I care about you.”
Nicholas stared at her in silence.
A moment later, he smiled faintly.
The smile was warm.
But it was also filled with worry.
“That’s what scares me,” Nicholas said softly.
Tania frowned.
“Scares you?”
Nicholas nodded.
“The closer you get to me...” Nicholas continued slowly, looking into Tania’s eyes, “...the greater the danger that will come for you.”
Tania fell silent.
“What danger?” Tania asked quickly.
Nicholas slowly shook his head.
“I can’t explain it yet.”
“Why?”
“Because there are things you’re not allowed to know yet.”
His answer disappointed Tania again.
“You’re doing it again,” Tania replied softly with a sigh. “You’re always like this. Always saying later.”
Nicholas looked at her with deep regret.
“Believe me...” Nicholas said gently. “I’m not keeping something from you.”
“Then what?”
“I’m trying to protect you.”
Tania slowly shook her head.
“I don’t need to be protected by being lied to.”
Nicholas lowered his head.
“I understand.”
Tania drew a deep breath.
“Look at me,” Tania said quietly.
Nicholas slowly raised his face.
“I’m not going to stop looking for answers,” Tania continued, her gaze firm. “No matter the risk.”
Nicholas’s expression grew even more worried.
“Tania, don’t.”
“I’ve already come too far,” Tania replied firmly. “There’s no way I can turn back now.”
Nicholas fell silent.
He knew there were no words that could change the decision of the girl standing before him.
The wind blew softly again.
Several frangipani blossoms fell between them.
Nicholas gazed at Tania’s face for a long time, as if he wanted to remember every detail.
Then he smiled gently.
A smile filled with both gratitude and sadness.
“Then...” Nicholas murmured.
He slowly stepped backward.
His blue eyes never left Tania’s face.
“If one day I truly disappear...” Nicholas said quietly. His voice was almost a whisper, but every word sounded clear in the silence of the night.
He smiled once more.
“...never look for me.”
Before Tania could answer...
Nicholas’s figure slowly faded with the night breeze.
Leaving behind a garden that had fallen silent once again.
And a girl standing all alone...
With a heart now more certain than ever that she would never stop searching for the truth.
Not to prove whether Nicholas had died.
Because Tania now believed that reality.
But to find one answer that mattered far more.
What really happened on the night Nicholas Winston lost his life?