The next day, Nayara woke up earlier than usual. She didn't even know why her eyes had opened before her alarm went off. Normally, she would pull the covers over herself for a little longer, trying to avoid the reality that a new day had to begin.
But that morning was different.
She still felt weighed down, and there was still a part of her that wasn't okay, but at least her mind didn't feel as constricted as it had in the days before.
Nayara sat in front of the mirror, studying her own face.
"You're still you, Nayara," she murmured softly.
The sentence sounded simple, and might even have sounded strange to anyone else who heard it. But for Nayara, remembering herself was important.
Lately, she had been so busy thinking about what she'd lost that she'd forgotten she was still here.
Her mother's voice came from outside the room.
"Nayara, come have breakfast first."
"Okay, Mom."
That day, she went downstairs with slightly lighter steps. Her mother, who was preparing tea, immediately noticed the small change.
"You look fresher today."
Nayara took a slice of bread from the table.
"Really?"
"Yeah. Usually, you look like you've just fought the whole world."
Nayara let out a small laugh.
"You really know how to put things, Mom."
Her mother smiled at the sight of her daughter laughing again, even if only for a moment.
Not much had changed. Nayara's problems were still there. Those memories were still there. But one small smile was enough to make the morning feel different.
When she arrived at school, Rani was already standing in front of the classroom, holding two cold drinks.
"I bought this for you."
Nayara accepted the drink.
"Why are you suddenly being nice?"
"Because I'm nice."
"You're usually nice when you want something."
Rani pretended to be offended.
"That's so mean. I mean it, though."
Nayara smiled.
"In five minutes, you'll definitely ask me for something."
Rani was quiet for a moment.
"Well, actually..."
Nayara immediately laughed.
"I knew it."
They walked into the classroom, joking around. It might have seemed ordinary to anyone else, but to Nayara, moments like that felt precious. It had been a long time since she had felt this light.
During class, their teacher assigned them a group project.
"You'll turn this assignment in next week. You can choose your own group members."
The classroom immediately grew noisy.
Several students began looking for their friends.
Rani grabbed Nayara's hand.
"We're in the same group."
"I knew you were going to say that."
"Because I'm your best friend."
"You're too confident."
"But I'm right."
Nayara only shook her head with a smile.
Before they could leave, though, someone approached their desk.
"Can I join you guys?"
Nayara and Rani turned around.
A boy was standing there.
His name was Dimas. He was their classmate and actually fairly close with everyone. He was the kind of person who could easily make people feel comfortable.
Rani raised an eyebrow.
"Sure. But are you serious about joining our group?"
Dimas looked confused.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Because Nayara gets way too serious when she works on assignments."
Nayara looked at Rani.
"I'm serious because you guys are always lazy."
Dimas laughed.
"So I have to be the mediator."
"Congratulations. You've just taken on a huge responsibility," Rani said.
The three of them began working on the assignment together. For the first time in a long while, Nayara felt herself doing simple things again without thinking about the past every second.
But the calm didn't last long.
During lunch, Nayara saw Arvin standing in front of the school gate.
Her heart immediately grew uneasy.
Rani, walking beside her, saw him too.
"He's here again?"
Nayara nodded.
"Want me to come with you?"
"You don't have to."
"Are you sure?"
Nayara was quiet for a moment.
"I need to learn to face this on my own."
Rani looked at her, then nodded.
"Then I'll be in the cafeteria. But call me if you need me."
Nayara walked toward Arvin.
"What are you doing here?"
Arvin looked slightly surprised when Nayara came straight over.
"I just wanted to give you something."
He held out a small notebook.
Nayara looked at it without taking it.
"What is this?"
"Your notebook."
Nayara furrowed her brow.
"Didn't it get lost?"
"I kept it."
The answer changed Nayara's expression.
"You kept it?"
Arvin nodded.
"You left it behind that day."
Nayara took the notebook hesitantly.
Her hand trembled slightly as she opened the first page.
Inside were her own words. All the little stories she had once written. About happy days, about dreams, about the simple things that used to make her smile.
"I never knew this notebook was still around."
"I knew you'd look for it."
Nayara looked at Arvin.
"Then why only now?"
Arvin was silent for a long time.
"I was scared."
Nayara hadn't expected that answer.
"Scared of what?"
"That if I came back, I'd only hurt you more."
"And now?"
"I don't know."
Nayara closed the notebook.
"You know, Vin? Sometimes the most painful part isn't that someone leaves."
Arvin looked at her.
"It's that they leave without explaining anything."
Silence fell between them.
Arvin looked like he wanted to say something, but held himself back.
"Nayara, I have a reason."
"I don't want to hear your reason."
"But you have the right to know."
Nayara gripped the little notebook more tightly.
"Why do I only have the right to know now?"
The question left Arvin silent.
Because he knew Nayara was right.
All this time, he had chosen silence. And his silence had forced Nayara to go through so much alone.
"I'll tell you when you're ready to listen."
Nayara stared at him for a few seconds.
"I can't promise that."
"I know."
Arvin slowly stepped back.
"But I'll wait."
Nayara wanted to answer, but the words wouldn't come out.
After Arvin left, Nayara remained standing in the same spot.
The little notebook was still in her hand.
A simple object that, as it turned out, held so many lost pieces of herself.
"Nayara."
She turned around.
Dimas was standing a short distance away.
"Are you okay?"
Nayara nodded.
"Yeah."
Dimas looked at the notebook in her hand.
"Is it important?"
Nayara looked at it.
"Yeah."
"Because of what's inside?"
Nayara slowly shook her head.
"Because it reminds me of who I used to be."
Dimas gave a small smile.
"Sometimes we need to look at the past to realize how much we've changed."
Nayara studied Dimas.
"You always talk like an old man."
Dimas laughed.
"I'll take that as a compliment."
Nayara smiled too.
That day, for the first time, Nayara began to realize something.
Maybe losing her light didn't mean her life was truly dark.
Maybe all this time, she had been so busy searching for the light she'd lost that she'd forgotten to notice the small lights still around her.
And maybe, little by little, she could find it again.