"Ana, open the door and come out!"
Who knows how long they'd been calling for me to come out. They kept knocking over and over, as if they wanted to destroy the fortress where I was hiding.
Unable to show my face to him anymore, I ran straight to my room and locked the door tight. With tears that refused to stop, I buried myself beneath the thin blanket I still hadn't washed.
I still remembered his reaction. He'd gone silent. Just silent, and then the hand stroking my head had stopped. His eyes had looked at me, waiting for me to say more. But only my sobs told him everything. He hadn't even chased after me when I chose to run away.
"Ana, come join us!" one of them shouted.
I wanted to. Of course I desperately wanted to join them and celebrate his arrival. But my guilt stood taller than my own desire. I wasn't strong enough to break through this barrier. Somebody, please help me!
I'd forgotten why I'd done such a stupid thing. I'd broken the promise I'd made myself. I knew what I'd done was wrong, and I felt pathetic for not coming back right away.
Suddenly, I heard the door open. Someone walked toward my bed. He sat down beside me. I felt his hand move over my head, stroking it through the pillow covering it.
"Wake up, Ana!" he said gently. There was a slight hoarseness in his voice. Was he holding back tears?
He'd followed me to my room. How had he gotten the key? Ah, perhaps Mom had given it to him, because as far as I remembered, she was the only one who kept the spare.
"Stop crying, Ana!" he said, his voice full of hope.
He tried to pull away the pillow covering my head. I held on to it tightly. "Explain what you just said!"
"Leave me alone!" I answered from behind my hiding place.
"No! I won't leave you, Ana. You have to explain it first." His voice was beginning to sound firm, though it was somewhat heavy.
I chose to remain silent. Silence greeted the two of us. Only the ticking of the clock broke the stillness. He really was keeping his word. I peeked out from beneath the blanket and saw him standing near the window, looking at one or two decorations attached to the wall.
I don't know how long I slept. My position had changed. I was lying perfectly on my back beneath a thin blue blanket. My eyes wandered around the room. A plate of rice with grilled chicken, vegetables, chili sauce, and a glass of water had been set on the table beside the bed. Oranges, grapes, and longans completed today's meal. Had he prepared it?
I found him asleep in the corner chair near the bookshelves. One of the books had been left open on the table. I studied his face. His features were so sharply defined, his eyebrows thick and black, his nose high-bridged, and his lips full. He was so captivating, so comforting to look at for a long time. How could I not have missed him?
"If you're done staring at me, let's talk."
His voice startled me. I was like a thief caught by the homeowner. My eyes darted away in a flash. "Who was staring at you?" I shot back.
"All right, then. If you don't want to admit it, that's fine too."
"I wasn't staring at you!"
"Yeah, yeah, you weren't staring at me. Happy? Then when can we talk?"
I drew a deep breath, then let it out slowly. My heart began to pound, and flashes of my foolish self came back to me. The guilt crept even deeper inside me.
I looked at his face once more. Our eyes met, locking together. From his gaze, I knew I couldn't avoid him anymore. He would do anything to make me speak.
"Bro..." I called softly. "I can't." I cupped both hands over my face. I crouched in front of him as he remained seated in the chair.
"I don't deserve to keep you company anymore." I felt both his hands touch my arms.
"I-I ... I-I ... I've g-gone ... too f-far ... sob."
All of a sudden, he forced me to stand, then pulled me outside, passing straight through the crowd waiting for him beyond the bedroom. Never mind that my tears had begun streaming again, he kept taking me away. I didn't know where.
... (to be continued)