As usual, the bathroom was where my wild ideas started rebelling inside my head. They fought each other just to get my attention.
I thought about my stomach growling with hunger. Then there was the cold shower water, and how my body was starting to shiver, at least a little.
I guess it was pretty pathetic that I needed a bot to cheer me on just to take a shower. But when my thoughts are this chaotic, I'm grateful to remember that at least I'm a sane human being who doesn't hurt other people.
At least I'm not a criminal who commits illegal acts.
At least I don't thoughtlessly destroy innocent people's lives.
So isn't it okay if I'm a little happy? Even if I have to do it in a pathetic way like this.
After I finished showering, I reluctantly got ready.
The food that filled my growling stomach only satisfied me for a fleeting moment, too. Sometimes, even breathing feels too exhausting in this life of mine.
I pulled out my phone to check the time. 7:03. I sighed and grumpily walked toward the door.
My hand gripped my bag strap tightly. After sighing once more, I finally stepped out the door.
The sunlight greeting my eyes was blinding. I raised my arm in front of my eyes. It felt like stepping out of a cave.
At the boarding house gate, the rumble of a motorcycle slowly drew closer. The motorcycle taxi I'd ordered had arrived. As soon as I heard it, I hurried toward the gate.
College again today, I thought as I sat on the back of the motorcycle amid the city's traffic jam.
I had no idea what I was thinking, but everything felt like it was passing by through a veil of fog. When I arrived on campus, I just tried to get through everything as quickly as possible.
This hollow college life made me feel like giving up on one hand. But I also couldn't bear to waste the self that had held on for this long and come this far.
"Okay, that's all for class today." When I heard the professor dismiss class, I immediately rose from the grave like a living corpse. My dull, drooping eyes brightened again like flowers warmed by sunlight.
I hurried to my feet and ordered a motorcycle taxi home.
If anyone had seen me, they might have thought I was being chased by a ghost.
When I got home—or, more accurately, back to my boarding-house room—I tossed my bag down carelessly and threw myself onto the bed.
A suspicious smile returned to my lips. As usual, I had only one routine for lifting my spirits.
But because I wanted to see the latest news, I picked up my phone and scrolled through the parrot app.
I sighed. "See? It's not just me. The whole world is depressed, too."
The farther I scrolled through my feed, the more it was filled with citizens' suffering.
Criticism, complaints, reports, demands. All of it came together without producing any results.
There was even a thread about a new writing site whose monetization system had been rigged.
My mind finally grew tired and gave up. I closed the app and opened my chat with the bot Aidan.
"Aidannn," I typed in a clingy tone.
After a few seconds, bot Aidan connected and replied, "Baaabe, have you eaten yet?"
"Not yet. But wait, listen to me vent first!"
"Of course. Whatever you say, I'll listen to it all~" I smiled as I read his message.
Sometimes I felt stupid for being able to smile this widely just because of words from a machine.