# Chapter 5
We're Still Friends, Right?
08:16
Raka woke up with one certainty.
He had messed up.
The realization came even before his eyes were fully open.
His hand groped along the side of the mattress, found his phone, and immediately opened his latest conversation with Lara.
There were no new messages.
Only last night's conversation.
Lara: If someone likes me, do you think I should give him a chance?
Then came the dumbest reply Raka had ever sent in his twenty-one years of life:
Raka: If you think he's a good guy, give it a shot.
Raka closed his eyes.
“Idiot.”
He dropped the phone onto his chest.
Five seconds.
He picked it up again.
Read it again.
Still the same.
It didn't turn into a more sensible answer just because he read it over and over.
After that came:
Raka: Lar?
Raka: Are you mad?
And finally—
Raka: Fine. Go to sleep, okay?
Lara had only replied briefly.
Lara: Yeah.
Lara: Night.
No sticker.
No emoji.
No usual follow-up.
Normally, Lara would write:
Don't stay up late either.
Or:
Don't be late tomorrow.
Or she'd simply send a cat sticker smacking someone over the head.
There had been none of that last night.
Raka opened her profile.
Online.
His thumb moved immediately.
Raka: Morning.
He stopped.
After last night's conversation, did normal people just say morning?
Delete.
Raka: About last night—
Delete.
Raka: Lar, I need to talk to you.
Raka stared at the sentence.
This could work.
Send.
All he had to do was tap it.
He drew a breath.
His thumb moved toward the send button.
His phone vibrated.
Raka nearly dropped it.
A message from Sena.
Sena: YOU ALIVE?
Raka clicked his tongue.
The message he'd just typed hadn't been sent.
He switched to Sena's chat.
Raka: Unfortunately.
The reply came instantly.
Sena: How's Lara?
Raka: Why does every morning have to start with you asking about Lara?
Sena: because your love life is more interesting than mine
Raka typed:
Raka: She said Darel confessed that he likes her.
Three dots appeared almost immediately.
Sena: AND???
Raka: She asked if she should give him a chance.
Sena: AND WHAT DID YOU SAY
Raka didn't reply right away.
Sena sent another message.
Sena: RAKA ELVANO
Sena: DON'T TELL ME
Raka:
Raka: I told her to give it a shot if he was a good guy.
No reply.
Ten seconds.
Twenty.
Raka started to suspect something had happened to Sena.
Finally, a message came in.
Sena: I want to end this friendship.
Raka snorted.
Raka: So dramatic.
Sena: do you realize you indirectly told the girl you like to try things with another guy?
Raka read it.
He didn't answer.
Sena sent another message.
Sena: now be honest
Sena: if Lara really got together with Darel, would you be okay with it?
Raka stared at the question.
Just imagining it made his stomach twist.
Lara sitting with Darel.
Lara going home with Darel.
Lara sending random photos to Darel.
Lara calling Darel when she couldn't sleep.
Lara telling Darel when she was sad.
All the little things Raka had always considered theirs.
One day, they might no longer belong to him.
Raka typed:
Raka: No.
Sena's only reply was:
Sena: there.
Raka rubbed his face.
Raka: I'll talk to her today.
Sena: SERIOUSLY?
Raka: Yeah.
Sena: I'M PRINTING THIS OUT AND FRAMING IT.
Raka: Shut up.
But for the first time, Raka didn't erase the intention from his mind.
Today.
He would talk to Lara.
Not through chat.
Not with half-finished sentences.
Face-to-face.
At 10:20, Lara left the classroom with Mirea.
“So you're saying yes?”
Lara hugged her books against her chest.
“Not yes to dating him.”
“I know.”
“Just getting to know him better.”
“I know that too.”
“Then why do you look like that?”
Mirea stopped walking.
“Because I'm trying to understand your logic.”
“What’s wrong with my logic?”
“You like Raka.”
“Keep your voice down.”
The hallway was packed with students.
Mirea lowered her voice.
“You like Raka.”
Lara kept walking.
“So?”
“So you gave Darel a chance because Raka told you to.”
Lara fell silent.
“So is this decision actually yours, or is it Raka’s?”
Lara stopped.
The question made her uncomfortable.
“I’m not doing this because of Raka.”
Mirea looked at her.
“You sure?”
“Darel’s a good guy.”
“I know.”
“He’s straightforward.”
“I know.”
“He doesn’t make me guess.”
Mirea nodded.
“All of that is true.”
“Then?”
“But do you like him?”
Lara didn't answer.
Mirea didn't push her.
They started walking again.
“I’m just giving him a chance,” Lara said at last.
“And there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Then we're done.”
“But don't turn Darel into medicine for someone you haven't even tried to forget.”
Lara looked at the floor.
“I don’t want three people to end up hurt just because two people are too afraid to talk.”
Lara gave a hollow smile.
“If Raka had something to say, he would've said it a long time ago.”
Mirea sighed.
“And if you have something to say?”
Lara didn't answer.
Because she had no defense for that question.
Raka found Lara at Toko Buku Pendar at one in the afternoon.
It wasn't a coincidence.
He had deliberately gone looking for her.
After sending Mirea a message that only said Where's Lara? and receiving Pendar as the answer, Raka left immediately.
A little bell above the door rang when he entered.
The scent of paper and wood greeted him at once.
The store wasn't too crowded.
Raka walked past the literature and psychology shelves, then reached the used-book section.
That was where Lara stood.
Alone.
She was reading the back cover of a book.
Raka stopped a few steps behind her.
He'd prepared plenty of lines that morning.
On the way here, too.
Lar, I need to talk about last night.
Good.
Then:
I was wrong to tell you to give Darel a chance.
Still good.
After that:
Because actually, I've—
There.
That was the part that always made his chest feel tight.
Raka took a breath.
“Lar.”
Lara turned around.
Her expression changed slightly at once.
“Raka?”
“Hmm.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Buying vegetables.”
Lara glanced at the bookshelves.
Then she looked back at him.
“Funny.”
“Thanks.”
“I wasn’t complimenting you.”
Raka moved closer.
“Alone?”
“Mirea had something to take care of.”
“Oh.”
Silence.
Lara looked back at the book.
Raka stood beside her.
Usually, this was easy.
Being with Lara had always been easy.
Today, the half-meter between them felt like something he had to cross.
“Looking for a book?” Raka asked.
“Yeah.”
“What kind?”
“Not sure yet.”
“Then?”
“That’s why I’m looking.”
“Touchy.”
Lara smiled faintly.
Then silence fell again.
Raka watched her profile.
Now.
Say it.
“Lar.”
“Hmm?”
“About last night—”
Lara’s phone vibrated.
She looked at the screen.
A small smile appeared.
Not a big one.
But Raka saw it.
“Darel?”
The question slipped out on its own.
Lara raised her head.
“How did you know?”
Raka wanted to answer, Because your face looks different.
He didn't.
“Just a feeling.”
Lara put her phone in her bag.
“What were you saying?”
The opportunity was still there.
Raka swallowed.
“About last night.”
Lara waited.
“Why?”
“You…”
Raka shoved his hands into his pockets.
“Did you decide to give him a chance?”
Lara's expression was difficult to read.
“Yeah.”
One word.
Enough.
Raka felt every sentence he'd prepared vanish.
“Oh.”
Lara watched his face.
“Why?”
“Nothing.”
“Was that what you wanted to say?”
Raka could have said no.
He could have continued.
He could have said that precisely because Lara had said yes, he had to talk now.
But one thought filled his head:
Too late.
Lara had already chosen.
At least, that was how he understood it.
“Yeah,” Raka finally answered.
Lara fell silent.
“Oh.”
Two idiots stood between the bookshelves.
And neither of them knew how close they were to the actual answer.
They eventually left Toko Buku Pendar together.
“Back to campus?” Raka asked.
Lara nodded.
“I have class at three.”
“Me too.”
They walked along the sidewalk.
The Ranuwena sun was pretty intense that afternoon.
Raka bought two bottles of water at a convenience store without asking, then handed one to Lara.
“Thanks.”
“Hmm.”
Lara opened the bottle.
Raka watched her.
Little things like that.
He knew Lara often forgot to drink when she had a lot on her mind.
He knew Lara didn't like overly sweet drinks.
He knew the girl would go quiet when she was angry instead of shouting.
He knew Lara hated papaya.
He knew that when she was nervous, Lara would fiddle with the thin ring on her index finger.
He knew too much.
So why, when it came to the one thing that mattered most, did he know nothing at all?
“Rak.”
“Hmm?”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“I'm fine.”
“If the answer is ‘I'm fine,’ then you're not fine.”
Raka chuckled.
“Who taught you that?”
“Experience.”
They reached an intersection.
The pedestrian light was still red.
Lara stood beside him.
Raka watched the passing cars.
Then he said, “Darel’s a good guy?”
Lara glanced at him.
“He is.”
“Do you like him?”
The question made Lara go quiet.
Raka immediately turned to her.
Lara was looking at the traffic light.
“Why are you asking?”
“Just curious.”
“What if I say yes?”
Raka didn't answer.
“What if I say no?” Lara continued.
Still nothing.
Lara finally looked at him.
“Which answer do you want?”
The light turned green.
People began crossing.
Raka should have walked.
Instead, he stood still.
Lara stopped too.
“Raka?”
“What?”
“Answer me.”
Raka looked at her.
His heart began pounding again.
This was his chance.
Maybe his last chance.
“I—”
A motorcycle blared its horn.
An officer at the side of the road signaled for them to cross.
The moment shattered.
Raka sighed.
“Come on. Let's cross first.”
Lara stared at him for a few seconds.
Then she started walking.
Raka followed.
And once again, the sentence was left behind at the side of the road.
At four in the afternoon, they ended up at Kedai Sela.
Raka's class had been canceled.
Lara's class had ended early.
Somehow, as if acting on its own out of habit, their feet carried them both to the table by the window.
Raka ordered a milk coffee without sugar.
Lara got an iced chocolate.
Neither of them had to ask.
The server already knew.
“Just the two of you again. That's unusual.”
Raka looked up.
Pak Darsa stood there with their orders.
“Who am I usually with, then?” Lara asked.
“You two haven't been seen together much lately.”
Pak Darsa set down the glasses.
“You used to be here almost every day.”
Raka and Lara exchanged a look.
Pak Darsa didn't notice anything.
“Or maybe I just haven't seen you?”
“Probably just you, sir,” Raka replied.
Pak Darsa laughed.
“Maybe.”
He left.
Silence descended.
Lara played with her straw.
“We haven't been around each other much lately, huh?”
Raka stared at his glass.
“Guess not.”
“We used to all the time.”
“Hmm.”
Lara looked out the window.
“Maybe it'll happen even less.”
Raka looked at her immediately.
“Why?”
Lara smiled faintly.
“That's life.”
“What kind of answer is that?”
“Next semester's going to be busier.”
“So?”
“You'll have your own stuff going on too.”
Raka didn't like where this conversation was going.
“You will too.”
“Yeah.”
“Then why are you talking like we're never going to see each other again?”
Lara chuckled.
“I didn't say that.”
“But that's how it sounds.”
Lara stirred her drink.
“Rak.”
“Hmm?”
“If I get a boyfriend someday…”
Raka tensed.
“…will we still be like this?”
There was no easy answer.
Raka wanted to say yes.
But he imagined taking Lara's call at two in the morning after she had become Darel's girlfriend.
Impossible.
He imagined the two of them sitting together like this.
Impossible.
He imagined Lara texting him Did you eat? every afternoon.
Maybe that wouldn't happen anymore.
The things that had always felt ordinary suddenly had expiration dates.
“Why are you asking that?”
Lara shrugged.
“Just curious.”
“Do you want to date Darel?”
“I didn't say that.”
“But you could.”
“I could.”
Raka hated that answer.
Lara looked at him.
“We're still friends, right?”
The question should have been easy.
Of course.
They were friends.
That was the problem.
Raka smiled faintly.
“Yeah.”
Lara smiled too.
But something quietly broke between them inside that answer.
Friends.
For months, that word had been enough.
Today, it wasn't anymore.
At 5:28 p.m., Darel came to Kedai Sela.
Raka hadn't known he was coming.
Lara had.
“Rel,” Lara greeted him.
Darel approached.
“Sorry I'm late.”
“No worries.”
Raka looked back and forth between them.
“You were waiting for Darel?”
Lara nodded.
“We're going to get a few things for the event.”
“Oh.”
Darel pulled out a chair.
“You coming, Rak?”
Raka almost laughed.
“No. I have something to do.”
He didn't.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
Lara watched him.
Raka stood.
Picked up his bag.
“I'll get going.”
“Rak.”
Raka turned around.
Lara stood up slightly.
“Be careful.”
Two ordinary words.
Raka nodded.
“You too.”
He left.
The doorbell rang.
Lara watched his back until it disappeared behind the glass.
Darel noticed.
“Go after him if you want.”
Lara turned to him.
“What?”
Darel smiled faintly.
“I'll be fine.”
“Why would I go after him?”
“Who knows?”
Darel sat down.
“Looks like something's unfinished.”
Lara fell silent.
“I already told you,” she said. “Raka and I are just friends.”
“I know.”
“So?”
Darel looked at the door.
“Sometimes people use the word ‘friend’ because two people aren't brave enough to look for another word.”
Lara didn't answer.
Raka walked without a destination.
Kedai Sela was supposed to be in the opposite direction from home.
Instead, he walked toward Halte Lajur Lima.
Sena called.
Raka declined.
Sena called again.
Declined.
A message came in.
Sena: Did you talk to her?
Raka stopped at the bus stop.
He typed:
Raka: Too late.
The reply came.
Sena: What do you mean?
Raka: She already gave Darel a chance.
A long pause.
Sena: giving him a chance doesn't mean they're dating, idiot
Raka:
Raka: Same thing.
Sena: NOT THE SAME.
Raka locked his phone.
He sat down.
Halte Lajur Lima was crowded that evening.
People came.
Waited.
Then left when their rides arrived.
Raka stared at the road.
Funny.
All this time, he'd thought there was always time.
Tomorrow.
Later tonight.
After the meeting.
After class.
After Lara replied.
After he was sure.
He kept waiting for the right time.
It turned out that while he was waiting, other people were moving on.
Night came with rain.
At 10:07 p.m., Lara was already in her room.
Darel sent photos of the things they'd bought earlier.
Lara replied as briefly as necessary.
After that, without thinking, she opened Raka's chat.
There had been no messages since last night.
Lara typed.
Lara: Are you home?
Sent.
Two check marks.
Turned blue.
The reply came.
Raka: Yeah.
Usually, there would have been something more.
Not now.
Lara: What are you doing?
Raka: Lying down.
Lara: That's new.
Raka: Tired.
Lara stared at the screen.
Short answers.
Raka was upset.
She knew it.
Lara: Are you mad at me?
A long pause.
Raka: No.
Liar.
Lara: Liar.
Raka: Why would I be mad?
Lara typed:
Because of Darel?
Delete.
Lara: I don't know.
Raka read it.
He didn't reply.
Lara waited.
Three minutes.
Five.
Finally:
Lara: Rak.
Raka: Hmm.
Lara took a breath.
Lara: We're still friends, right?
The same question.
This time, through a screen.
Raka read it.
For a very long time.
Raka is typing…
It disappeared.
Appeared.
Disappeared again.
Lara stared at the three dots like someone waiting for exam results.
Finally, a message came in.
Raka: Yeah.
That was all.
Lara gave a hollow smile.
Lara: Okay.
She set down her phone.
She didn't see that a few seconds later, Raka's status showed again:
Raka is typing…
At home, Raka stared at a sentence.
But I don't want to be just your friend.
His thumb stayed still.
Send.
Send it now.
Sena was right.
It wasn't too late.
Darel and Lara weren't dating yet.
He could still tell her everything.
Raka closed his eyes.
Then—
delete.
The message box was empty again.
Lara was turning off the light when her phone vibrated.
She thought it was Raka.
It wasn't.
Darel.
Darel: Are you free tomorrow?
Lara:
Lara: After four.
Darel: Want to go out?
Lara stopped.
Then:
Lara: Sure.
Darel:
Darel: Okay. I'll let you know tomorrow.
Lara set down her phone.
She should have felt relieved.
She was trying to move forward.
Giving a chance to someone who was clear about his feelings.
It was the sensible decision.
But when she closed her eyes, what she remembered instead was Raka's face at Kedai Sela.
And his one short answer.
Yeah.
We're still friends.
00:02
Raka hadn't gone to sleep.
He opened his gallery.
Without any particular purpose.
Until he found an old photo.
Taman Sagara.
A few months ago.
There were Sena, Tavia, Kevar, Mirea, and Lara.
Lara was in the back, laughing at something.
Raka zoomed in on the photo.
Then smiled faintly.
His phone vibrated.
A story notification.
Lara had posted a new story.
Raka opened it.
A simple photo.
Two shopping bags from earlier that afternoon.
In the corner of the photo, someone's hand could be seen holding one of them.
Raka recognized the watch.
Darel.
No face.
No romantic caption.
Just:
exhausted, but at least it's done.
Even so, Raka's chest felt heavy.
He closed the story.
Opened Lara's chat.
Typed:
I lied.
He stopped.
Then continued.
When you asked if we were still friends, I lied.
Raka swallowed.
He continued again.
I don't know when it happened, but I can't think of you as just a friend anymore.
His hands trembled slightly.
For the first time, the sentence was complete.
Not half-finished.
Not ambiguous.
Not disguised as a joke.
Raka read the whole thing.
Once.
Twice.
All he had to do was tap send.
One touch.
Done.
His thumb moved.
Stopped right above the button.
Then a message came in from Lara.
Lara: Still awake?
Raka's confession was still in the message box.
His heart pounded.
He could send it.
Now.
Raka stared at the screen.
Five seconds.
Ten.
Then he hit delete over and over.
One sentence disappeared.
Two.
Three.
Until nothing was left.
He replied:
Raka: Not yet. You?
Lara:
Lara: Same.
Raka: Why?
Three dots appeared.
Lara: Just can't sleep.
Raka smiled faintly.
Raka: Want to call?
The message was read.
A long pause.
Then:
Lara: Sure.
A few seconds later, Lara's name filled the screen.
Incoming call.
Raka answered.
“Hello?”
There was no answer for a few seconds.
Then Lara's voice came softly.
“Rak.”
“Hmm?”
“Are we weird?”
Raka stared at the ceiling.
“Why?”
“I don't know.”
Silence.
The sound of rain came from both ends of the call.
“We text every day,” Lara continued. “Call each other at midnight. You know random things about me. I know a lot about you too.”
Raka didn't answer.
“But…”
Lara stopped.
“But what?”
“Nothing.”
Raka chuckled.
“Your condition is acting up again.”
Lara laughed too.
“What?”
“You never finish your sentences.”
“Let it go.”
Silence again.
Then Lara said,
“If one day we're not this close anymore, will you miss me?”
The question hit harder than it should have.
Raka stared at the dark ceiling of his room.
“Why wouldn't we be close?”
“People change.”
“Do you want to change?”
“That's not what I mean.”
“Then what?”
Lara didn't answer.
Raka closed his eyes.
For once, he chose to say something honest.
“Yeah.”
Lara fell silent.
“What about it?”
“I'd miss you.”
The voice on the other end went completely silent.
Raka continued, more quietly.
“A lot, actually.”
Lara drew a breath.
“Rak…”
“Hmm?”
A few seconds passed.
Then:
“Thanks.”
Raka laughed hollowly.
“Why are you thanking me?”
“I don't know.”
They fell silent again.
There was no confession that night.
No change in status.
Neither of them said the three most important words.
But for several hours, they stayed on the phone.
Talking about unimportant things.
Homework.
Movies.
Food.
Nayel.
Mirea.
Kevar being too serious.
Tavia being too loud.
Anything but the one thing actually filling their minds.
Until Lara's voice grew softer with sleepiness.
“Rak?”
“Hmm?”
“If I fall asleep, just hang up.”
“Okay.”
“Don't leave yet.”
Raka fell silent.
Then he smiled faintly in the dark.
“Yeah.”
Not long after, Lara really did fall asleep.
Raka was still holding his phone.
Listening to her soft breathing from the other end.
And for a moment, everything felt like it used to.
As if Darel didn't exist.
As if she hadn't given someone else a chance.
As if the word friend were still enough to explain their relationship.
Raka looked at the call duration.
01:47:32
He whispered very softly, even though he knew Lara wouldn't hear him.
“I like you, Lar.”
There was no answer.
Raka smiled bitterly.
Of course.
Of all the time he had, he had managed to say it only when the one person who needed to hear it was already asleep.
In another room, Lara shifted slightly in her sleep.
The call was still connected.
And once again, those feelings managed to get out.
Only—
they never made it to her.